Hand on shoulder

I agree with pp that it would be best to help your daughter find her voice, she might need it in years to come. It's not impolite to let someone know you don't want them to touch you. I'd drop the please though, that makes it a request rather than an instruction. Don't touch, thank you, whilst nudging the hand off her shoulder, or shrugging and twisting away to the side and back. It's only a direct back step that would drop hand to breast so you either push his arm to the side as you step away or twist yourself to the side as you step back, or a combo of the two. Voice and body language together.
She doesn't have to make an excuse for it, so no elaboration, no I don't like it etc. don't touch works just fine. And if he says sorry her immediate reaction is going to be saying it's fine, which is appeasement. So the better thing here is to say thank you and then stop talking. If he still goes on about it, she should just say ok. The point is to acknowledge any apologies but not to give any indication that it's ok to do it again, so repeating the don't touch instruction is also good, but stay away from explaining herself as that is not sending the right message.
It may not be with bad intent, but the next one could be, so get working on her boundaries, her voice, and the difference between stating facts and being impolite.

He doesn't do it to everyone. He's choosing who to put his hands on. Whether consciously or unconsciously he is targeting some of the girls in this group.

This is how we are all conditioned to be ‘good girls’ and you’ve got an opportunity to help her challenge this subconscious belief that ‘good girls’ don’t make others comfortable at their own expense.

I remember in my twenties I went to the GP with a sore throat and he insisted on checking my breasts!! I had no idea what was going on but didn’t feel able to say no, or to report him afterwords do what I realised much later was not OK!

To remove his hand all she has to do is step back sideways or slightly twist her shoulder at the same time so that his hand doesn’t get a chance to slide down her front. You can practice this together.

if this is a serious organisation they will have a complaints policy. In Scouts this type of complaint bypasses the group leader and goes straight to the top of the organisation. I would absolutely raise it with whoever the DSL is. I do believe it needs to be reported, as otherwise he will simply be allowed to carry on with other girls.

I'm not defending this behaviour at all - ex safeguarding officer in education setting - but if this man is of more mature age, it may be that NOBODY has ever pointed out to him that this behaviour is totally unacceptable in this day and age. Is the club run by a commercial business or by the school, or is it volunteer led? I'd advise you to find out who is responsible overall for the management of the provision, including the staff, and flag your concerns with them, and get a clear commitment from them as to what they will do to rectify this, and by when. In the education setting I worked in, all of our staff underwent compulsory safeguarding training. However, my own children attended many clubs and activities, some that were organised by sports businesses that had similar training requirements, but some were less formal clubs overseen by local volunteers. The local volunteers were often more mature and were very enthusiastic, but from a time when safeguarding wasn't a thing. I have on occasion pointed out issues to them, and when it's put to them in context, they are mortified and more than happy to take advice and guidance on correct behaviours around young people.
Touching young girls on the shoulder does need calling out, and as your daughter has alerted you to it, it is your responsibility to take steps to stop it. But do it in the correct way so it is managed, recorded and monitored.

I think women (sadly) do need to learn how to navigate these situations. But at 15, I think I'd be wanting to be a bit more proactive than advising her how to deal with it by herself, because I'd also want her to know that I and other older women will be in her corner, and it's not a fight she has to fight alone.
I would speak to the group leader. Phrase it as your own concern rather than 'DD feels uncomfortable'. Say you have become aware this man unnecessarily touches the girls when speaking to them, you think its inappropriate and would like the leader to tell him to stop.

Your daughter has told you this man makes her feel uncomfortable when he puts a hand on her.... absolutely have a word with him yourself next time you see him do it. Tell him remove his hand from your child as she's clearly not comfortable with it..have a word with the activity group leader too. The man is a grown adult putting his hands on minor children..surely the group leader will have been DBS checked due to working with kids-tell this leader to do their job and safeguard the children within the activity

I would not jump immediately to grooming. Let's not be hysterical. Its a hand on the shoulder of a girl he does know. Saying that, he needs to be more aware of appropriate conduct with the girls. For his own good as well as theirs.

If she is comfortable doing so, tell her to step sideways out of reach as he goes to touch her, she can smile as she does it, if she is worried about creating an atmosphere.

I wouldn't bother smiling but it's up to her how assertive she is comfortable being.

Every time he steps towards her, she moves too, keep him out of her personal space. If she can't move away, say 'Excuse me please' and move past him. Keep creating your personal space. Most people quickly get the hint.

If she is not comfortable doing this then either you or someone else needs to step in. When he does it, just move between them, gently brushing the hand away if necessary. Smile and say 'she doesn't like being touched.' If he argues it was just being friendly, keep smiling and say firmly 'of course, but she doesn't like it and we respect her boundaries.' Repeat as necessary.

You aren't being hostile or rude, you're being downright friendly so it shouldn't escalate anything but he will be forced to accept the boundary to avoid looking a twat.

Not must die..must stop!!

I am a volunteer with teens. We have very strict training. We are never to be alone with them in a one and one situation and we are never to touch them or go into their personal space. We are doing this for their sake and also for our own sake so there is never any doubt or accusations.
Go straight to the leader and say John is putting his hand on the girls shoulders, this is not appropriate and must die. Straight out. The leader needs to know and really should have picked up on this himself/ herself.
I remember as a teenager some men were inappropriate and no one did anything even though everyone sniggered and commented.

Do this.

That’s her personality at the moment t though. I have only got more assertive as I’ve got older. I think she needs your help with this.

One thing I’ve learned over the year is it doesn’t matter how dangerous a teacher / coach acts, there will be dozens of people sitting back silently watching it happen!

Is it not strange also that the leader and the other adults don't tell this guy to cut it out? They must all be aware.

You're aware and you haven't told him, either. I would say something very directly to him and to the leaders of the group. Putting this on your daughter is not okay. Show her an example of how you deal with this kind of thing. Giving her the message that this is happenng because she needs to be more confident and assertive is completely wrong. It's happening because the guy is being creepy. Do something about it.

Please stop teaching your daughters to be “polite” 🙏👏

This is being turned into something that it very likely isn't. Unfair of PPs to call him a perv and a creep. My DS did football and the coaches put their hands on the boys shoulders talking to them, there was nothing untoward going on.
That's not to say the DD is wrong for being uncomfortable or would be wrong to tell him not to do it. It's fine for a parent to tell him DD is uncomfortable too but not in a way that throws around unwarranted accusations.
I remember a post on here were a mother complained that a volunteer touched her child without consent to the leader. The volunteer had led the child to the dance floor to encourage their participation. Volunteer was upset and gave up the role. People were more supportive of the volunteer in that situation and understood how they would feel having accusatory language used against them when they were volunteering their time to help others.

I would have been like your DD and too worried to say anything to an adult. You need to be the parent and advocate for your child. Speak to the group leader and get feedback about what they’re doing to resolve the situation. They should have a named safeguarding person for the group. Does he do the same with boys? If he doesn’t, he is well aware of what he is doing.

The girls can stand just that little bit too far away for him to be able to reach their shoulders but great advice to share with all the girls to step away when he does do it…….hopefully he’ll soon get the message.

Someone might feel inclined to check that he is DBS cleared……..doesn’t mean he’s entirely innocent but it is a starting point surely?!

Personally, if he did it to me I would be immediately cutting in with ‘take your hand off my shoulder’………said firmly and politely should be all that’s needed. A second attempt might not be quite so polite though!

My tall, teenage, DD had a ‘visiting expert’ drape his arm around her shoulders when offering praise on something she did. She pointedly picked his hand off her shoulder, and he laughed awkwardly. DD told me this because she (nor I) would usually have the self confidence to do something like this, but it just felt right in the moment.
OP I’d definitely have a quiet word with a group leader gently highlighting the changed norms in society (noting the guy’s age). I’m only suggesting the gentle approach to protect your DD’s participation, not him.
But please be gentle in advising your DD in changing her behaviour- she should not have to change or be on guard. It is this grown man who should be changing his behaviour.

Personally I would would text, WhatsApp or email the group lead so you can evidence that you have raised the issue. It's totally inappropes for this man to be behaving in this way and shocking that they haven't already put a stop to it.

All the girls need to know it's not OK, and they should move away. They only learn this by adults sticking up for them.

First thing to do is to contact the group leader as soon as possible. Stick to the facts and let them know that it's not just that your DD finds it uncomfortable, but that it is wrong and men are not allowed to touch children in this way.
You can look at their safeguarding policies if you want some evidence to back you up.

Then work on ways that your daughter can deescalate these types of situations.

This is for the adults to sort out in the first instance, it should not be down to the teenagers.

I think he's a creepy f*cker, but I have seen this play out in an innocent way, which confirms the creepiness at play here.

I work with teenagers and a new older man joined the team (in his 60s). Part of our job is to respond to the children's questions and quite often they are sitting down and we are wandering around supervising. This new guy went to answer a question and placed a hand on the child's shoulder. As soon as he did this another member of the team swooped in and told him that it was not allowed, and he looked horrified. He then reported himself to the team leader and apologized.

He now does the designated 'Prince Phillip Walk' i.e. he clasps his hands behind his back when bending down to talk to the kids. It means that there is no chance of even accidental touching.

It's pretty easy to not touch teenagers.

Thinking about this some more. If your daughter is very confident, I would say to her to tell him please could you not do that and move away.

However, safeguarding people, whoever are responsible, absolutely need to deal with this too. I would actually go as far as to say this is disgusting behaviour.

I also had a death stare as a teenager. I don’t know why but my Spidey senses said to keep all male and even some female adults at arms length. Maybe as kids we sometimes heard things in the 80s or we sensed things about creepy men, some were much more overt and letching you therefore knew they were not all trustworthy.

I think creepy men these days are harder to detect because they’re good at hiding it in plain sight and appearing friendly and confident, they are able to put on a much more ‘normal’ front which is difficult for kids to see today.

It shouldn’t be up to girls to tell him no. He shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. Please advocate for your dd. Anyone working with children and young people should have had some basic safeguarding training and would know not to do this so he is clearly breaching boundaries.

You’re right I read it was he husband saying it’s impolite rather than the daughter. Ok society seems to have told her that - it needs nipping in the bud!

This is weird
what sort of hobby is this with old men perving over young girls?
There was an incident in a nearby town near us some sort of martial art class where the teachers were much older men, I can tell you now my daughter wouldn’t be going!

The OP doesn’t mention her husband thinking this is OK at all. Why have you said that?

Maybe they don’t want to be impolite?