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AIBU?

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Hand on shoulder

229 replies

ThankThink · 09/05/2026 10:51

Teen Dd takes part in a weekly activity outside of school, which is attended by a wider age range. One of the men attending, has the habit of placing his hand on the young girls shoulder when he speaks with them. So he approaches a girl and while speaking to her places one hand on her shoulder. He does this mostly with 2-3 girls not all of them. The girls are all 15.

AIBU to think this is not ok?

The girls don't like it but no one has yet said anything. I have told her to move away when it happens again but Dd worries about being impolite. I role played with her how to move away. I am so cross about this, not even my extended family would think of touching her casually for no reason.

What would you advise and how do I advise dd?

OP posts:
ChocHotolate · 09/05/2026 11:03

Absolutely tell her to move away.
Learning that it is not our (women’s) job to keep men happy is a lesson that it has taken me far too long to learn. I wish I had been helped to learn it as a younger woman

ThankThink · 09/05/2026 11:01

How on earth does a 60 Plus year old man think he can touch very young teenagers in this way. How is this even still a thing in this day and age. Depressing.

OP posts:
ThankThink · 09/05/2026 11:00

Good idea for dd to tell the other girls to move away.

Yes there are ways to mention this but as we all know calling someone out in this way has often repercussions. Dd enjoys the hobby and ideally she manages it. She needs to learn to assert her personal space anyway, she is way too polite and accepting of adult authority. I feel rubbish as I would have made it sharply clear that I don't like it even when I was a teenager. My dd is a lot less assertive.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 09/05/2026 10:56

I think you have given her good advice.

People like this will push unless challenged. Once she (and hopefully the other girls too) move away, he will know he can't get away with it.

Can your daughter talk to the other girls tomake sure they are all planning to move their bodies away from him?

Is there a higher figure they can approach about it?

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