To think DH is selfish for not helping a day before the hike

People have to function in the real world. He’s had a year to get ready. OP, ‘no’ is a whole sentence.

A taxi can be very expensive.
I would expect my husband not to drink and drive home or get a lift. Tbh sort it himself.

She hasn't answered, but it's roughly a 1 hour drive, which will be very pricey in a taxi. For a lot (the majority?) of people, avoiding that sort of expense is pretty standard.

OP won't answer the taxi question though, why it is not an option. Unless I missed it?

I feel like I think about his feelings and about making things easy for him but he doesn't think that way about me.

Has he ever? Is this just this weekend that he's been like this? Is it just since you've had kids? Has it always been this way? And do you, perhaps, think about yourself too little - expecting more of your partner than you do of yourself in terms of making your own life good?

Perhaps, tomorrow, just go out and leave him to it even though he's feeling awful. Unless there is something special about the kids, it won't hurt them to have a less than stellar day for once and it sounds like you really need to recharge your batteries a bit.

Then at some point in a few days when this incident isn't dominating your thoughts, have a think about whether it's an ingrained issue or just a blip. and whether it's something you can do something to balance things out in a way you find acceptable, or whether you need to be thinking about if this is the relationship you want. If the latter it might be worth having a chat with him about it all and telling him he needs to change if you're going to stay together, but getting someone else to change like that often fails in the long term.

The ND thing is absolute rubbish!! Manages a full days hike with loads of other people and manages to go to a pub which will be far noisier and busier than a shop! Stop
letting your hismqmd not parent his own children 50% and also do his share of the housework and home duties! Also tell him that next year he’s taking both the kids with him on the hike as they are old enough now and also YOU deserve a day off for a change!! No he won’t be able to go to the pub etc and get drunk but he’s had his cake for long enough. Start putting yourself before him now!

I would not have been trotting around doing his jobs for him and no way I’d be getting up at 5am to bloody chauffeur his ass around. He could have driven himself and collected his car on Sunday or lift shared with a friend. If he’s too ND to cope with the shops, how does he manage a busy pub after a very overstimulating day of walking and socialising. ND my ass! I do these sorts of hikes all the time. I’m certainly not writing off 3 days for a day hike.

He can order stuff he needs online and get a taxi. Cf

have only read the OP. So I would a) not have gone to the shops for him and b) certainly not taken him anywhere at 5am.

Take next weekend off, go somewhere after work on Friday and come back Sunday night when the DC are in bed.

And knock the 5am start taking him to the start of his hike on the head. That is a piss take.

@Plasticflowerduck oh god, not yet another MNetter citing ND for a grown functioning adult's unreasonable behaviour. ND doesn't excuse treating you like a complete doormat. He can work, have hobbies, socialise and father children. It's selective struggling.

Is there a quid pro quo in this? He goes for a hike with mates for the weekend and you take another weekend off to do your thing?

Isn’t this how partnerships work?

He is playing you.
ND isn't an excuse to let your wife do all the boring bits while you rest and go drinking with the lads for a day. Sorry.

What is the point of such a selfish waster? He has an absolute fool made out of you. Wake up.And as for waking children up at 5am so this loser can drink? You need to take a hard look at your priorities. Unbelievable. I wouldn't dream of doing it, but nor would my husband ask.

It sounds as if you’ve been conditioned to be “fair” which mean doing everything for everyone else in your household, and praising them for being able to scratch their own arse. Is that the way it is, do you feel guilty for not doing everything? Do you get pushback for enforcing boundaries around what you need or want?

You baby him then complain about it.

No way would I wake little kids up at 5am to ferry him to his hike and drink. He can Uber or get a lift from someone.

He's lazy. He lays around and naps and doesn't engage with the kids. If he wants to do something like this, he should be getting his supplies, not expecting you to after a day's work along with the kids.

Tell him to get a lift with a friend. You are not a servant.

YABU for blaming your hormones.

Stop making excuses for him!

The shops can be difficult? You're doing this too yourself.

He can LEARN to navigate the shops if he can navigate a full day fucking hiking. Can't believe you're making excuses for him. You've allowed this, I'm sorry as I feel for you, you shouldn't be putting up with this shit.

YABU for being a martyr and enabling this.

You could have just said no to any of this, or even white lie'd = sorry I didn't see your message until after I got home. He's been off work all week, he's had loads of time to get the "stuff" (what stuff, exactly?) he "needed" for the hike. If he doesn't like shops he could have ordered them online. I cant believe you get your kids up at 5am rather than him just driving/getting a taxi/lift sharing with a mate.

Say no to the lift, and go out yourself on Sunday morning for a wander round the shops/sitting in the park/meet a friend for a coffee - if he's just going to be tired rather than hugely hungover there's no reason he can't take care of the kids.

Definitely put your foot down op otherwise the resentment creeps in. My H was always ‘too tired’ to do anything he didn’t want to do but funnily enough his illness (and he does have one but he plays on it) never stopped him doing anything he actually wanted to do. I wouldn’t be getting 2 kids up at 5am - so he needs to find another solution.

Yes, lone parents manage, and many ND people probably manage to get shopping by whatever means.
You are not a lone parent though, and if you were you wouldn’t be dragging your DC out of bed at 5.00am for no better reason than their father wants to drink so much that he’s even more useless the next day.

I have a sneaky suspicion I know the walk your DH may be doing, as mine is doing one too today with similar timelines. Just for comparison, he’s made his own way there in the early hours, prepared all his own gear (wanted to show me everything but I had no input whatsoever) and will make his own way back. It’s me and DD who’s 9 at home today. He’s been texting us updates along route and we’ve been supporting him back.

I worked yesterday, he was off but he we both did the school runs and he made dinner. Your DH is absolutely milking it. He can walk that many miles but can’t pack his own bag, it’s just a bit pathetic.

If they need to come in every couple of minutes, then that isn't age-appropriate independent play. Speaking as an early years specialist, sometimes you have to actively teach that stuff.
You expect that "must show Mummy now!" mentality at 3, not 6. A 6yo should have the wherewithal to thinking "that's cool, I'll put that aside to show Mummy in a while."
Have you explicitly told them, "Mummy wants to be left alone for a while." Or "Mummy wants some quiet time on her own"? Some kids get the social nuance of "perhaps my adult doesn't want me every single second of the day", and some just don't.

If your husband does this each year, why don’t you choose a day a year and go to an overnight spa for example? You give him his day, and in return you get your day and he’s at home with the kids.
I do however think if he had so much time off then he had plenty time to prepare and go to the shops when it was less busy.