To tell son it’s too much and affecting his dad’s self esteem.

Change ALL locks on ALL of the doors.
Get a doorbell cam that you can mute/check from your phone.
Get better locks for and burglar proof your side gate(s).

Keep having your quiet relaxing weekends.

Mute his calls and check them when it's convenient for you.

Your son is being massively rude to his dad and to you.

Your son sounds like my ex, whom both his parents take nothing much to do with anymore and consider him to be “an awfully opinionated arsehole”

and as for the moaning you’re still in bed at 8:30am id inform him id had a hard night of riding the life out of his dad, so needed the rest 😊

Next time he comes over say John I am really getting upset by these comments you're making and it isn't fair.

Show him your post in here and the replies as a bit of food for thought.

I speak as a mum of 3 'lovely lads' similar age to your son and if they knew they were stressing me like this they would stop.
X

@myfairladies It sounds like he might be suffering from orthorexia. I'm not sure how you can get through to him though if he's stuck in the mindset. Maybe call BEAT for help?

Easy solution to this
Change the locks ,don't give him a key .
I would say ask for your key back .but as you can't stand up to him. That's unlikely

Have you pointed out that his gran has made it to the age of 80 without his input and she doesn’t need it now.

I think you need to give him some home truths - his obsession is boring to others and his lack of interest or empathy for others is making him deeply unpleasant to be around

take your key back and fit a lock on the side gate

This does not sound like a "lovely lad". Sorry OP. He sounds rude, arrogant, selfish and self absorbed. I feel sorry for your husband here. Your son has no respect for him in his own home. He shouldnt be speaking to anyone in this way let alone his parents. You have my sympathy. This generation appear to all be like this.

in your shoes i'd want to take up smoking and drinking lard by the pint

Change the locks and change the subject when he starts lecturing you.

frankly?
If this was my child i would be taking their key off them and telling them to call ahead if they think they want to come by.

And any judgemental bollocks would be nipped in the bud with "fuck off with that patronising shite" followed by "time for you to leave"

just saw that he does it to his gran, tell her to put the phone down and let him talk and she just gets on with her day. He sounds absolutely insufferable. Like he's in a cult.

Sorry but your son sounds like a right intolerable twat.

Is he an only child? Perhaps he is worried about having to become a carer for his dad in later life. Or maybe he is genuinely worried about him and thinks he can bully him into changing, which of course is never going to work. Young people can be so sanctimonious, but his concern probably comes from a good place.
If he’s being overly rude and critical it’s fine to tell him to button it! You could say ‘DS I know you care about us and your concern is noted but you are overstepping, please stop’.
And tell him if he can’t avoid dropping round early on a morning then he’ll need to hand over his door key and the door won’t be getting answered.
Maybe a private word would help- tell him that you know he’s worried about dad but nagging him is not the way to go about this. Perhaps they could spend time together doing something reasonably active like going for walks or hiking?

Then lean over the landing in a rubber mask…
Me and Geoff are just getting in our cardio 🤣

Has he always been like this with hyperfixations at any age? He needs to learn about listening to other people's cues in conversation, when they get glassy eyed, annoyed etc so he can amend his own side accordingly, and not lecture people. My mum has a habit of that and my poor husband gets the brunt on visits as he's too polite to say anything so I'll end up coming in a room and saying abruptly "I haven't heard husbands voice in ages" which usually stops her or I say "I didn't buy a ticket to this one woman show btw" etc.

I'd be making some very performative sex noise with DH next time he let himself in the house early on the weekend "yes yes Geoff, stick a finger in my bum, yessssssss" and then I'd change the locks.

And every time he'd lecture me I'd ask him how being single was going.

He sounds like a right twat.

I’m wondering why a young man who has his own place is constantly calling in at his parents?
Hasn’t he got anything better to do? Not meant as an insult, but at 25 he should be spending a lot of time with friends and I was going to say hobbies but it’s seems he has two - running and bullying other people.
He is going to lose people - if he hasn’t already - if he carries on like this.
Fair enough if you and DH lived in an episode of Hoarders and had to be winched out the window for medical treatment, but you are just two ordinary people enjoying their weekends.
I know it’s fine in many ways for him to have a key for emergencies but this is not right, him letting himself in, lecturing you.
As for bullying a lady of 83, that shows there is something else going on here, because it’s extreme.
He needs a conversation not just about what he is doing but why he is doing it.

He sounds rather insecure tbh. Usually people w like that choose to put down others to make themselves feel better. It’s not a great way to live because he’ll never be happy.

He sounds insufferable , hopefully as he matures he may realise the errors of his ways .
I have 2 adult sons and they certainly aren't perfect either !

Sums it up. You and your DH are adults. How you live is up to you. This immature twat shuts up or he doesn’t come round!

Ah young adults. Think they know everything. My brother was like this too and my parents were annoyed by it, but they didn’t see him as often so could ignore it. He grew out of it.

Your son needs a sharp word - you wouldn’t tell him how to live his life now, so he can’t tell you how to live yours

If you have told him youre not interested etc i think as soon as he starts don't say anything just get up and walk away.

Sit down if he follows get up again and sit down somewhere else.

Keep going till you get to your bedroom and lock the door. Maybe he will get the message then.

Its insufferable when people get a new lifestyle and start lecturing.

Unfortunately it's a common theme when a child grows up and moves out, I embarrassed myself coming home from uni with high minded ideas and being a bit better than or preachy with parents and I cringe now, it's so rude and ungrateful.

It's also compounded by your son leading a very healthy lifestyle and being active, you do become a bit of an acolyte to fitness when you're in that world and feeling great every day, but he needs to get some perspective and respect and understand not everyone can or wants to do the same.

This. Just tell him to be quiet, ffs.

if he had as few boundaries
growing up and you were scared
to set him straight or tell him off no wonder he turns up like an entitled little shit making demands and judgements.

You are still the parents, act like them and get him told. Stop being so scared to communicate with your own child
ffs