To tell son it’s too much and affecting his dad’s self esteem.

Is there not a snib you can put on?
If your son isn't listening..take the key off him.

Being overweight in the obese category is a prime component of most illnesses. You check your facts.

Your husband, you say is very overweight and spends a lot of time sitting in front of the telly that is an ideal scenario for an early death. Your son might be irritating, but he’s absolutely right. He doesn’t want a dead dad. Perhaps your husband should go to the GP and ask for advice on losing weight and getting fitter get a health check if he takes the advice of the GP then he’s got something to reassure your son with.

If I want to sit in the garden with a bucket of wine and a straw, then that’s what I’m going to do.

Oh god what a marvellous idea 😆

This sounds like the start of conspiracy theory/manosphere fixation

I disagree that 55 is too old to start living a healthier lifestyle or regular exercise, but the thing is it's up to DH and no-one should be marching into your house and telling you how to live your life.

I would find it very amusing if DDs started telling me off for having a lie in though as we rarely see them before lunch time when they have the chance 😅

Sweetheart, we all love you very much. I love you so much that I’m willing to do what nobody else is willing to do, and tell you that you are becoming an insufferable and judgemental twat. If your dad and I want to stay in bed til 2pm, having lots of lovely sex in between snoozing, then we don’t need your approval to do that. If your dad wants to drive everywhere, then that is fuck all to do with you. If I want to sit in the garden with a bucket of wine and a straw, then that’s what I’m going to do. Nobody is asking for your help. You are not responsible for any of us. We are fully aware of the consequences of our own actions. We wiped your arse and taught you how to tie your shoe laces. There is nothing you can teach us that we don’t already know. What we’re concerned about is why you’re pushing everyone away from you? What’s going on that you’re trying to alienate yourself? Why are you trying to upset everyone? We’re worried about you.

And if that doesn’t work, change the locks and tell him he can’t come in unless he promises not to offer unsolicited advice.

I hope that he at least understands the meaning of hierarchy in the outside world. Otherwise he will be slapped down very briskly by his seniors. You did not teach him the proper ways - it is too late now. First time my dc tried to answer back my dh, a quick slap on the backside was delivered by me (I only slap on the bottom, never hands, or anywhere else (disclaimer for the non-slapping brigade on here)). And then I drilled my dc the way my grandma drilled us. Total respect for the elders, in the family and outside. None of that nonsense addressing their friends' parents by their Christian or first names, only Mrs/Mr such and such. They were not allowed to participate in adult conversations at the table unless specifically invited. No sitting when adults are standing, etc. They were not allowed to be gobby about adults, including politicians, either or express political opinions. When they turned 16, they were allowed to vote in the Scottish referendum (we lived in Scotland then) and we did not allow them, explaining that they are little shits, they contributed nothing to the UK either financially or in any other way, and that they will get the privilege to vote when they contribute at least something. Basically, 'children, know your place' was our motto and I am glad. P.S. When my dc's friends try to talk disrespectfully in my presence about adults, I immediately pull them up and say 'don't what to hear an opinion from a person of your age, thank you'. Dc are mortified and try to make sure no encounters with their mates take place, but I don't care.

Sorry posted twice

Take the key off him

If he comments on you being in bed, tell him you are getting exercise, together.......
That should embarrass him into not commenting

A newly converted health loving individual is not going to stop commenting though on what he deems to be unhealthy, so not sure how you stop him

Alternatively, if going out with him doesn’t work, maybe you need to detach from him a bit more? Not be so available? Be away one weekend when he comes home to lecture you, but don’t let him know in advance. Force him back on to his own resources a bit and make him look for friends in his own peer group? It should only take a month or so to initiate some changes?

You can also start inviting your own friends and extended family in to your home so your ds doesn’t get the chance to act like a dictator most of the time! Surprise him a little!

I agree with this.

Op I think it is possible for young men who become addicted to exercise to be plugged in to an on-line perfectionist life, and not actually have to deal with messy rl friendships, so they don’t get the corners knocked off and don’t learn to negotiate and live and let live.

The constant pinging of his phone could be notifications, not real friends.

Is he on his computer a lot? A lot of on-line content now is aimed at disaffected young men offering them unrealistic “systems” by which they “should” navigate their life: eg the “ideal” seems to be going to bed early, writing down your goals, eating clean, exercising, keeping your house immaculate etc which is all fine but hyper-independent, self-disciplined and ultimately rather sterile and lonely, and neglects to acknowledge that we are all social creatures who crave connection and friendship, especially when young and exploring the world.

Op I would question him a little more thoroughly about how many friends he actually has in rl?

And also, just a thought, how about you initiating a few outings with him, instead of allowing him to dictate the nature of your relationship? Is it always him coming home to visit you? If so, how about arranging things a bit more on your terms too? Do you ever do anything else with him? Go out to a restaurant together or visit somewhere with him? Go to the pub for Sunday lunch? Or meet for a walk in the park together? An art gallery? Maybe reset the terms of your relationship a bit? Add in some pleasant experiences (hopefully) so it’s not all negative! Good luck!

He may need mental health help and be showing signs of an impending breakdown or untreated illness.

You need to have a no morning visits rule and also let him know you need privacy for couple time/intimacy/quality time.

Why does he have a key? I have always been welcome to stay with my parents, but never had a key.

Sounds brainwashed :(

His phone never stops pinging. Cutting people out of his life for minor things like drinking coffee or watching TV. Trying to convert others. Sudden changes in behaviour. These are classic signs of being sucked in by a cult.

If your son has a regimented healthy lifestyle your son needs to learn the art of learning when is an appropriate time to discuss health and when not to. He has a set of beliefs like a fundamentalist religion pushing its cause daily and people turn away or avoid the person pushing their purpose. If he wants to change minds he needs to learn to understand backround, circumstances, experiences to understand how to change minds. He needs to understand motivators e.g. health conditions, stressful working hours ( like shift work) and the issues holding people back. Then he has better chance of change. He sounds ignorant of what it takes to spur all different types of people on. Empathy is lacking from him. A gentle walk around the park with his Dad can be a starter without the diatribe.

Overweight people are statistically more likely to survive illness than underweight people so check your prejudice

Tell him you like to have a layin and late morning sex !

Except personal choice.

No one was ever brow beaten into healthier habits. In fact if food is a comfort nagging and strain makes things worse.

Sleep for one thing is an aid to healthy eating.

Nothing the DS is doing is helping his 'imagined' aims

Hang on. Posters calling the op’s husband “fat and lazy” should not be passing judgement on her ds, as they are behaving in exactly the same way as he is behaving!

Who says that fat = lazy anyway? How rude!

Op’s dh may have worked a 60+ hour week for all anyone knows!

The nasty judgements about people’s weight and size is really getting out of hand on this site. No one for a start should be commenting on weight loss for over fifty year olds until they have reached that stage in life themselves!

He is 22 btw not mega young.

No answers but just solidarity. my DS is just like this; he lives at home - he is definitely ADHD, I think also autistic. He has hyper fixations and is just like this with me. I am 60, not unfit , but a little plump. He goes on at me the whole time, he goes to the gym every day and eats awful things (eg milkshakes blended with fried mince). I have been extremely blunt with him and he still does it. It’s highly annoying, and I won’t be sorry when he moves out.

Your son sounds an absolute bore.

I think you need to shut conversations down.

When he's told you what sport he has done so far that's the end of that topic.

He criticises, he leaves.

Honestly sounds like some "guru" type cult is it one person he follows do you know?