To tell son it’s too much and affecting his dad’s self esteem.

My DP (a fitness instructor) is like this with his dad because he wants him to be healthy and live long and his dad is overweight so he's worried. I'd say it's likely to be like that for your son.

But I sympathise strongly because my mum is like that with me. I'm not overweight but she's constantly nagging me if I dare eat anything at all unhealthy or do something she doesn't approve of and it is exhausting! My DP doesn't live near his dad though where as I see my mum all the time.

It's ultimately up you how you live your life.

Just tell your son you're having wild sex in the morning and like to try new sexual things together. I'm sure that'll put him off popping in so early.

I wouldn't make it your problem. Dh is old enough to speak up for himself. If he isn't doing that, it's because he doesn't want to and moaning to you isn't helping. Tell dh "it's no good telling me, you need to speak to ds" on repeat.

Change the locks so he can't just let himself in which is what I assume he is doing

he's 25 and he's going to have to learn that changing people's behaviour is rarely achieved by belittling them, pointing out their faults and making them feel stupid so if this is all borne out of concern for his dad health, he's really really going about it in the wrong way

son is perhaps being too blunt, but are you reacting this negatively because he's hitting a nerve about DH's lifestyle? don't give up on his health when he's only fifty-five. Why wouldn't a son feel concerned about his father's health?

The key word there is CAN

The dad CAN make the decision to change his life - yes of course he can.

Will he make the decision just because his son is a judgemental prick coming and giving him shit about being fat and lazy?

No, he will become defensive.. Nobody makes life changing decisions because someone else has a problem with your lifestyle. People make decisions because they themselves have a problem with their lifestyle. The son needs to change his approach

IME most people on health kicks are insufferable pricks and anyone slightly overweight is considered to be at deaths door.

Hes going completely the wrong way about it if he is just trying to be nice bollocks. Hes made his obnoxious point. Its time for him to be told very firmly to STFU about it. Youd be doing any current or future partner of his a favour too.

Tell your son to find a new target for his amateur lifestyle coaching, his dad's had enough and it isn't welcome.

I honestly think this sounds like misguided concern. The way you talk about your lifestyle, you sound like you’re 75 not 55 And if your husband is overweight, doesn’t do any exercise then yes, I can see how this would be caused for concern for your son.

That said it’s your Home not his anymore so I think you need to put in some firm of boundaries but maybe also have a look at your health as why couldn’t you take up some form of exercise at 55? You’ve potentially got 30-40 years left on this earth don’t resign yourself to the sofa just yet!

At 55 pf course he can change his lifestyle.
If he wants to see 85 anyway..

You are as bad as the son!! Maybe he’s happy as he is, if he doesn’t want to change then leave him alone.

And dont form the triangle. Dont take sides. Dont say the "i know i know but he never listens". You do not want DC to think you are aligned and become 2 against dad.

You dont control what dad does either, you dont represent him, this is your observation. Its not a gang up scenario. You all have your own opinions, make your own decisions. Live your own lives. Your all adults.

He does sound a bit of a judgmental prick, it's probably normal for his age.

Aww tough, you definitely need to pull him aside for a serious chat. He is behaving unreasonably and needs it clearly pointed out, explain to him the problems he is now causing you both.

But that’s not the son’s place to tell him that. Believe me as someone myself with weight and health issues (I’m on steroids long term that have contributed to my weight gain) I don’t need anyone telling me I’m fat - I know! - as do most people who have weight issues. The son needs to be kind. And shut up.

You both sound so passive, if my dd turned to and started lecturing me in my home I’d tell her to sod off! He is not a lovely lad he sounds arrogant and entitled 🤷‍♀️

He is rude; but equally- kindly - your husband should act on his weight / health. Being 55 isn’t being 95 and there’s no reason why he can’t keep moving at that age. Perhaps your son is worried for his future… my parents are 70 and I worry about their health. He is right to encourage you to keep moving… you make 55 sound like much older imo.

Tell him you're having sex in the mornings and would rather he didn't interrupt.

The point is though, it’s not the son’s place to wade in with his opinions. And secondly the son isn’t actually helping matters.

They need to tell the son to STFU.

You need to really start to advocate for your husband in these situations and stand up for him.

He means well = no, you're enabling him to say hurtful things unchallenged.

He needs to be told that what he is saying is hurtful and although he may have strong feelings about it HE CANT control what your dad does and he cant keep being hurtful towards him. He needs to stop, change his approach or risk his relationship.

He stops coming so early, he stops giving his unsolicited opinion all the time. Its not his house or life.

I disagree with most of these posts, apart from the getting up early.
your son obviously wants his Dad to be healthier and he’s only 55, so has no excuse for not looking after himself and eating good food.

Why is he turning up early and perusing your fridge?

Tell him to go away and leave your fridge alone. He’s being insufferably rude and you are being weirdly passive.

Your son sounds awful, his poor dad.