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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be feeling really low about my child's birthday

36 replies

Eileen101 · 09/05/2026 08:45

One of my children has a birthday this weekend and I haven't had the money to do a lot for them.

They will obviously have a load of love and I have already sung happy birthday, given loads of cuddles and hopefully made them feel loved. I only have 4 gifts because money is tight at the moment and they're all quite small.
I know they will love the few they have, but their dad brought round a massive bag and I know it'll be expensive things like lego and playmobile and I feel really shit.

He does nothing day to day and swoops in today with a massive bag.

I'm trying to get my finances in order and pay off debt now to make sure they have a solid life and I can give them a good secure basis to launch their own lives. But before then I need to pay off a debt and I have a tight but doable plan to the end of the year. The next feel months will be tight, but I'll be debt free and able to save for me and them. I'd hoped to do it while they're small and for them to not notice, but I think today might be pushing it. 5 feels like a turning point of what they notice.

My UC did go in yesterday but I can't do anything with it because it will go out again on Monday on my bill for wrap around.
I completely misbudgetted this month because I forgot about an annual bill 🙃 so I can't even pop out and pick up another something because there's nothing left this month, minus the top up grocery shop I'll need for the children.

I'm going to make cupcakes and light candles for a birthday tea celebration, it just feels like nothing in comparison.

OP posts:
BraOffPjsOn · 09/05/2026 09:02

Sounds like youre doing all the right things! Try and show lots of excitement and make the day fun - making cupcakes and tea is lovely!

Can you get out to a park with a friend as my kids are a little older but being with friends is the best thing ever (more so than stuff or expensive days out)?

It’s always better to be sorting out finances rather than spending on unnecessary things and your child not having a stressed parent over the years is much better for them growing up than too many toys.

takealettermsjones · 09/05/2026 09:00

I think your ideas sound lovely and your DC will have an excellent day! You can also do loads of fun things for free at home to make it special. Let them stay up late and watch a movie, hot chocolate if you have it, stick some party songs or Danny Go on YouTube and have a dance party, play games like what time is it Mr Wolf or charades, raid their dressing up box and take silly selfies, at a later date get them printed and make a birthday poster/frame etc. Hope you all have a lovely time!

SunnyRedSnail · 09/05/2026 08:58

YABU. Kids dont need huge quantities of presents on their birthday.

A cake, a gift, nice tea and watch something together.

Second hand toys also make great gifts.

mumuseli · 09/05/2026 08:57

Having fun and laughs together is far more important and memorable than expensive gifts. Especially for a 5 year old. You've got this!
DON'T apologise for 'not giving much'. Let your child open the pressies from you and the dad, and believe me your child won't be totting up prices or comparing.
Frustrating as their dad might be, swooping in with fancy gifts, try your best not to be resentful - just see it as a good opportunity for your child to get some more stuff. Try to show joy at your child opening and playing with those fancy gifts too.
You're the one there giving the love. Have a lovely time x

Icecreamisthebest · 09/05/2026 08:55

Bless you OP. Your DC is lucky to have you, a thoughtful kind mummy who is doing her absolute best.

The love you show your little one every day is priceless and will play a much bigger role in turning them into a confident well adjusted adult that any gifts ever could

Eenameenadeeka · 09/05/2026 08:55

4 gifts is plenty! And you will have cupcakes and happy birthday. Your child will feel your love and that's the most important thing, the novelty of opening gifts is so short and not where the focus will be.

LassiKopiano24 · 09/05/2026 08:51

Don’t be so hard on yourself OP, sounds like a lovely birthday, gifts, love and cupcakes, perfect! You sorting you finances for a better quality of life will benefit your child way more than loads of gifts.
Have a lovely day ❤️

notthatoldchestnut · 09/05/2026 08:49

4 gifts is more than enough! Teach your child that birthdays are not about getting mountains of presents. We buy 1 or 2 things for our kids. They get other gifts from other people.

happysinglemama · 09/05/2026 08:48

It’s

happysinglemama · 09/05/2026 08:47

Cup cakes and presents 🎁 is more then enough. It the thought that counts. It’s my birthday too and I will be making my own cupcakes 🧁☺️

Roads · 09/05/2026 08:47

At just turned 5 your child is unlikely to register who the gifts came from or remember what he got for his birthday when he is older. I genuinely would worry at all. Having lots of expensive toys means very little. Your child will remember the day to day things more than the one hit wonder days.