To be feeling really low about my child's birthday

Kids don’t know the financial value of things. He will remember all the ways you made him special just as much- probably more than gifts.
Have a lovely day with him!

There’s loads you can do that will be remembered and feel special, that presents don’t do.

make a birthday crown out of cereal box cardboard, bits of silver foil and anything you can find.

make a birthday tea and eat it on a blanket on the sitting room floor. Serve it in the back of one of their toy trucks or use their plastic tea set.

watch a movie under a duvet. Make a den from a sheet over chairs and watch it under that lying on loads of pillows.

I plonked mine in the bath fully clothed, they thought that was hilarious and remember it as adults.

dress up together and dance to all the music they like.

@Eileen101I always found that a few gifts worked much better for my children, loads of gifts can be completely overwhelming. Even if I was incredibly rich, I would choose to do exactly what you have done. Less is more for toys/young children. You can create a lovely atmosphere this weekend, all the great birthday songs you can pull up on your phone and play on a loop, the cake making, hopefully some sun shine!

I used to get one small present - the one I especially remember is roller skates when I was 10 - and a card from my parents. Competitive gift giving is a modern trend that leads a lot of people into debt.

Let dad swoop in with big presents

sounds like you will get to play with it all once he swoops out which is the fun bit

it means your child does get bigger presents and has your love as well bigger presents dad pays for at least he does that

don’t let it bother you @Eileen101

have a great day thank ex for his gifts give him some cake and don’t feel like you are not as worthy

I would reframe it and be grateful your ex bought your kid some expensive presents. See it as you are doing the love and making it special, he is contributing by getting some things you can't afford at the moment. It's a team effort and your child will have an amazing birthday with gifts, cake and love.

Your child is lucky to have you and will have a great birthday. Be happy that your ex bothered to get him some toys that he will enjoy, some kids' dads buy them fuck all (I know he is being a Disney dad and it's annoying, but just try and enjoy it for what it is, i.e. your kid getting a few expensive presents for their birthday that you don't have to buy!)

He will always remember your presence, not the presents. Don't beat yourself up. It's the little things. When my son was 5 what he really loved was cardboard boxes. Have you got some big empty boxes? They're great for painting and turning into robots, planes, put them together to make a fort, a castle, a den, a boat. Get the tape out and ask him what he wants to make. That's what we used to do.

Set up a shop. Get him to sell you your cans of soup, chopped tomatoes. You can make play money and make a till from a box.

Have games where he has tp jump across the lounge, so that the sofa is home.

Just have a fun day together. He'll be happy having all your attention. Best wishes. X

We do balloons, cake and I make banners to put all over the kitchen where I draw his favourite cartoon/ game characters on with speech bubbles making a joke about getting to his party! We then play a board game. That’s literally all any kid needs, time spent (Ps his favourite cake is an eight euro cake from Tesco!!)

It sound like your child will have a really nice birthday and I’m sure they’ll love the presents you got them. I don’t think it’s good to get piles of presents anyway, they will remember you’ve made lots of effort. Being debt free is far more important than buying loads of presents they will forget about. You could always have a nice day out if it’s budgeted in at some point

Hey, you’re doing a great job! Don’t be so hard on yourself! ❤️

You've obviously got a 'Disney dad' there OP. Splashes the cash for special occasions but isn't there caring for his children every day like you do. You sound like a great mum who is doing her best in difficult financial circumstances. At age 5, your child won't care who the presents are from. They will care that they have a loving mum who bakes them cup cakes and is warm and affectionate.

Completely ridiculous. Children do not need a lot of presents or money. They need time and fun. Thankfully those things are cheap or free.
Take them to their favourite park wearing their favourite clothes/dressing-up, with a picnic. Make the picnic interesting- crazy shaped sandwiches etc, but no need to buy extra. Do buy them an ice cream if you can, take a candle to stick in the top for fun. (Pretend the fire!!)
Fun can be made for free, and 100% that’s what they’ll remember.

Dad buys them a bunch of LEGO, fab! YOU take the time to help them build it. That’s what they’ll remember. Time and conversation.

I agree with everyone else.

I don't get too many gifts for my DC, and most of them are secondhand. They get gifts from other people and don't need a mountain of stuff. They mostly can't remember who gave what, and often can't even remember what they got by the following week.

My 5yo DC most enjoyed having a few friends over for a small party and playing hide and seek. And eating cake.

You gave them 4 presents and are there everyday.
I am sure whatever and who ever gives them gifts it is a special day.
Give yourself a break.
The great gift giving dad soon becomes not so great when he isnt around or they become aware of that trade off.
I bet your 5yr old.loves you to bits.

@Eileen101 You are doing an absolutely fantastic job! Honestly!

You are 100% right to stick to your plans of paying off your debt and having a simpler life for now. A 5 year old will be delighted with making cakes, having a dance party (music up louder than normal) and just being silly, freezer dinner, 4 presents is LOADS... at that age they have no understand of size or volume (if you wanted to make it special you could do a treasure hunt for the presents?).

They will love it whatever you do.

4 gifts is loads, plus the ones they have from their dad it’s more then enough. We’re not on a budget but for my 5 year olds birthday her main gift was her party and she got loads of gifts from her friends who came to that so she only had a few actual gifts from us. I didn’t feel bad about it.

When I was asking my 6 year old what their favourite birthday present was the answer was their lion balloon. They couldn’t remember any other presents when I tried to probe.

You sound like a wonderful caring mum who is dealing with a lot. From my experience, what makes a day special for a child is not a shedloads of presents but making it fun and with thought given to them eg one year we did a treasure hunt around the house with silly clues, hidden in silly places - no 'big' prize at the end just a bag of sweets but it was a lot of fun (just a bit of a ransacked house to deal with afterwards). Daughter is now 15, she couldn't tell you what gifts she got but she remembers the "mad" treasure hunt.

Awww OP…… totally get it. You are doing your best and you can’t do more than that. You are doing the most important bits, which is spending time with your child and making them feel loved and special. DC1 (who is a young adult) was talking only the other day about specific birthday cakes I had made “Mummy, do you remember that fantastic cake you made for my 8th birthday with all the Smarties on top?”. I have a very good memory but I don’t remember each cake. I was really touched. Baking a cake was usually the last thing I wanted to do at the end of a busy day. It made me so happy to know that DC1 really appreciated it. They never mentioned the very expensive presents they got……

4 or so gifts and a family tea is standard in our house for a birthday! Not sure why you think that would be lacking. It sounds perfect and lovely! And if my 5YO is anything to go by he has no clue how much things cost so won’t appreciate lego is more expensive than a hot wheels set or whatever. His favourite presents last birthday were a really tiny cheap lego set because he could easily and quickly build it himself and a working mini traffic light that cost about £2 from flying tiger 🤷‍♀️ And of course what they enjoy most is the fuss and attention! Also if you have any then blow up a load of balloons - it always takes the excitement to the next level and gets way more attention than a giant stack of presents.

At 5, being made a fuss over is more cherished by a child than gifts. Making them feel special will be what makes the day special. Please don’t feel bad about this OP. Getting yourself into a better financial position will be better for your child in the longer term.

I clicked the wrong button I'm sorry! We only ever had small parties and I have really good memories. Also agree with a previous poster - your kid will never remember what mum or dad got.

They'll benefit way more from your current plan - being debt free will result in a relaxed, happy mummy.

4 gifts sounds more than fine.

Spending time together is more important and will be what's remembered than who gives what. Can you decorate some party hats together? Snuggle and watch a birthday film together? I gave my child some of my own old toys that I'd kept for a gift recently. Cost me nothing but warms my heart to see them playing with something I loved so much and they were so happy to have something 'new' that used to be mummy's for their gift.

Whatever you do, do it together with love and warmth.

We were really skint when the kids were little, and they genuinely never noticed .
Kids don't need huge piles of presence to feel loved. What they need is it to be made to film that the day is special for them.
That isn't free presents. That is through being sung to. By playing their favourite game in the park. By making them their special tea ( would definitely have been fish fingers and chips in this house).
We used to do a really simple treasure hunt around the house to find the presents. .And this added to the excitement.
You've just reminded me on my son's fifth birthday.We got him a second hand bike and spent flipping ages, saving up for it.
When he found it at the end of the treasure hunt, his little face dropped.And he said, but I can't even ride a bike 😂

Op, 4 presents is more than enough. Your child will likely not remember who bought what, especially in years to come. They will remember the abundance of love and care you are giving them and thats worth more than any amount of money. Be kind to yourself.

Just let your child open the gifts from dad and grit through it with the appropriate ohhs and ahhs and. Try and see the positive that your child now has these things. It doesn't mean they won't appreciate what you got them or that it will be their favourite part of the day.

My kids are teens now and dont remember what they got or who got them presents but they do remember the happy/ silly/ fun memories. You are doing a great job OP!