7am and DH arguing with me already

Did you agree to the workman coming? Or has this just come out of the blue? You said in your OP ‘reminded’ so it sounds like you knew but forgot. If you haven’t even discussed it, then yes he is being a dick. If you haven’t explicitly said No, then you need to have a civil conversation about it. If you can’t have a civil conversation about it, then you need to consider your future together.

@Trint you should read the OPs posts

she says her husband isn’t interested in her input. He’s very happy spending £25k for what he wants and doesn’t seem concerned about the money.

OP works 4 days a week and is studying which I assume will mean she has better prospects for the future

OP - it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship and you walk on eggshells after he threatened to leave. Given you are about to have an empty nest,maybe this is the time to consider what the future really holds for you both

I don't understand this either unless ND is involved.
H sounds like a regular a pita and I'm another asking how can you waste your life with this person? You've given several reasons to leave him. Why put up with this shit?

Sounds like if you advocate for yourself there will be an argument. Doesn’t sound good and honestly it sounds like it is about much more than new floors.
Having said that, my DH also has a tendency to try to dominate things - it’s just his personality and over time Ive found some techniques that work for me in situations like yours.

• when he does his hovering thing around 8am because I am ‘still’ not up on the weekend (no small kids anymore) I just say. ‘Yep that’s right, im ‘still’ not up and won’t be for another hour I think. Im not working and will spend my time as ‘I’ choose - after all, that is what you are doing by being up isn’t it? Im not a small child to have my day organised for me - p* off! I just lean into it and point out how unreasonable he is being.
• He also loves to get his own way on home decor. His speciality is to start with ‘Ive been thinking…’ My response is ‘stop right there! Have you been thinking or have had a thought, considered all alternatives and chosen your preferred decision and have come to inform me? Do I actually have the ability to say no here?’ At which point he will realise that is exactly what is going on and will backtrack into ‘I know we haven’t discussed it yet but I really want to do ‘x’ (which is a much healthier discussion)

You spend money on your home, because it makes it nicer to live it. It shouldn’t necessarily be about whether or not it makes it more valuable.

If you have £25k, and you want to make improvements, because it looks nicer, it makes things more practical, then why not. You might be living there for the next 5 (possibly more) years, what’s wrong with making it more comfortable.

Not every decison about a house should be through the lens of “how can I make more money”

It’s his house too, if he wants to make it nicer he’s allowed to do so - as long as the money is there.

25k on flooring?!? What?

He should have arranged the workmen when he is at home.
He sounds awful and you are walking on eggshells in case he threatens to leave again.
I would leave him, you will be much happier.

I do wonder what your husband’s take is on this. It sounds as if he was stressed by you being a SAHM. If your youngest is off to university he doesn’t need looking after. How long were you a SAHM. There is a big difference between 5 years pre school or was it a decade or more?
It is hard to live with someone who makes no effort with a home in terms of changing and modernising. Do you both talk to each other about your ideas or does he get fed up with vague suggestions about decorating without any constructive plans. Women on MN complain the whole time about partners not getting involved in house issues.
Doing a course is one thing but getting a better job is hard. There is a long running thread at the moment about the difficulties of getting a job in your fifties. You need to share your fears and determination with your husband.
I am always annoyed by women who are financially dependent on husbands and then are flummoxed about the difficulties of getting a job in middle age. MN is often dismissive of the male financial provider but enormously supportive of women who are the main breadwinners.

That sort of stress is really bad for you in the long run. You are at home, on a day off, and he doesn’t get to fill your to do list.

It doesn't sound like you two are on the same page at all. Your post is full of your plans and visions, have you discussed any of this with him?

Maybe it’s time you thought about whether you want to stay in this marriage. Don’t let him emotionally manipulate you any more.

How much ‘looking after’ do your dc need if dc2 is 17/18?

This shit reminds me how great it is to be single / single parent !

I don't think there's a clear right or wrong here.
If the workman is booked to be there today, then the conversation between you does need to happen- you need to decide what you are asking for so he knows what he's quoting for.
But the main question is, why is the workman coming when you're undecided what you want- did he book the workman to come? And if so, where is he off to with DC today, that is more important than dealing with the workman he arranged?
I wouldn't want to spend lots on renovations that don't improve the house/value, but you also said that you'd move out as soon as your youngest leaves but you haven't told DH that, why haven't you told him that? It's pretty important and relevant if he's thinking that he wants the house made exactly as youd like for long term, while you can't wait to get out of there.

Just needs a calm sit down to see where you both stand, and make a long term plan together. I don't think he's being overly awful, just sounds like you're very busy and stressed.

I think you need to tell him that the £25k needs ti be put aside for marriage counselling and possible divorce as you are fed up of being treated like staff and him kicking off if you ever voice an opinion different to his.

You need to mean it, the shift in power dynamic may shock him into realising he’s being a dick or you may realise that you do need to separate.

It is madness. And arranging a workman for you to deal with on your day off I feel was a deliberate way to control your time. He has also threatened to leave twice. Where you unemployed both times? Has he ever said it while you have been working?

Do you want to be married to someone who stands over your bed and berates you on your one day off?

How many hours are you doing in your 2 jobs and studying?

last thread saw like this, the “2 jobs” one was 3hrs a week wfh in the evening- the other 2hrs on a weekend!

Do you actually see yourself growing old with him? how is the day to day relationship like? Spending £25K on renovating 2 rooms is bonkers. you can have a whole house renovation for that amount.

It is your rare day off. You could at least have slept in, but you didn’t and as soon as he opened his mouth to demand things, your brain didn’t get to have a rest either. It’s like a stress on button.

Not the point of the thread but what on earth are you doing to spend £25k renovating a couple of bedrooms? Does that include building an en suite? (Which might add value to your home)