7am and DH arguing with me already

Stop appeasing your DH. If he wants fancy steaks, he can fetch them. If he wants only chicken breasts, he can cook them. If he wants a quote for work on the house, he can deal with the tradespeople involved. He’s a grown man so he’s perfectly able to do these tasks himself.

And £25k for cupboards and flooring in 2 bedrooms is outrageous, you’ll not recoup that money if you sell during the lifetime of those additions. We did a full house renovation for £60k in 2023 - I was very careful about costs because we were on a budget and our house was a wreck. Back to brick and everything new inc the roof, wiring, heating system, kitchen, family bathroom, etc.

OP. If nothing else, rescue your day.
Do go into the city. Eat a lavish meal at a restaurant and go to the cinema or see a friend for drinks. A non programmed day of your choice!!

No, I don’t sound like OPs DH, he is telling her what’s happening I offered a suggestion so she doesn’t give her day up or waste it because she said she told her DH she would meet the workman and see what he had to say. So rather than sit and do nothing I offered advice on how not to waste the day.
An adult doesn’t need their day organised for them correct but Op is also a grown adult and should be telling her DH that rather than keep allowing it. Op knows he’s controlling and she’s made it clear she doesn’t really want to be there so she should leave because he obviously isn’t changing. My question on the timings were mainly because it was already 8:30 and she said she was smoking to do coursework this morning and then shopping after. So considering the time maybe her schedule wouldn’t have been that far out anyway. Yes she could of said cancel the workmen when he said he’d cancel or you wait in for him but she didn’t

He sounds like a controlling prick. Everything he is doing is to keep you on your toes and running round after him so you don’t have the time and headspace to think about if this is the life you actually want. If selling your home could pay for a flat in London and something by the sea then it could pay for you to have your own home with whatever floors you like. Do your quals so you can up your hours and get out of there!

Your dc and your husband are capable of doing their own washing. Stop trying to meet unrealistic expectations.
Learn to use the word No.

The first thing that strikes me is that you didn't know that the workman was coming. Did you know about the renovation plans but just didn't know about the meeting or has this all come out of the blue? Major financial decisions should have been discussed well and truly, long before there's anyone turning up at the house and both of you should be deciding "what WE want" rather than you having to make the decision on your day off. I also feel the pattern of having things arranged for you to do on your days off should be something you are actively involved in, rather than it being arranged for you. It sounds like there's an imbalance in the dynamic here, quite likely to stem from the threat of divorce. Whilst understandable, you can't have a healthy long-term relationship where you don't have a voice or can't disagree without feeling like you don't get a vote because of it. I think this needs to be addressed before judging who is right about spending money on the house or actually any other important decision. Maybe couple counselling would be prudent before this inequality becomes entrenched or the arguing and resentment builds up.

@Ragathathen the OP should leave the marriage. If she is about to achieve a shiny new job so that money won’t be an issue and if he is a bully as you say then there is no reason to stay together. However, I wonder if it is just a case of six of one, half a dozen of the other and a compromise all round is needed.

The more you write the worse it is!

Seriously I would start the divorce or at least meet with a few solicitors for advice on what you are likely to get.

It sounds utterly miserable for you and you are just the maid.

I have to say (gently) that you are starting to sound like a sulky teenager now.

I have to agree with this.

Its coming across as though OP enjoys a bit of drama and arguing.

It’s not ok to want to cancel the workman the morning he is supposed to come.
And I would be really annoyed if I was DH.
OP started this argument.

She said her day has been ruined as she wanted to study and then go shopping but both things can still be done.

Then she says she wanted to have a lie in but DH stood over her talking to her but in her OP she said she was already awake watching the news.

It seems a ridiculous amount of money to spend but OP is not painting herself in a good light here.

He sounds hard to live with.

How the hell does OP sound dramatic. If my H wanted to spend 25k on flooring for 2 bedrooms Id go ballistic and at 7am too.
She sounds sensible and rational to me.

So confused by the info provided? In one post you say your youngest is going to university next year then in the next post say you have small children?!

Are we reading the same thread? Or are you just one of those posters who likes to kick people when they're down?

It's plain that the DH has a history of doing this, the OP never gets a proper break and yes, the workmen coming has scuppered her plans for the day. She's scared of standing up to him as when she does, he threatens to leave the marriage, so he is controlling her pretty effectively.

She is not being petty, not at all.

Sympathy and solidarity from me, OP. Spending 25k on unnecessary work that won’t improve and may actually reduce the house value is ridiculous.

But that’s not the main problem, is it? Your husband is childish and demanding. I don’t know if counselling would help him see this. It might be worth telling him you need to talk very seriously about these issues, because your marriage cannot continue like this. I wish I had some useful advice to offer xx

He actually sounds pretty unbearable tbh.

Have you got a plan? For the future, I mean.

@Warmlight1
Women looking after small children does not annoy me. Claiming to have childcare issues when the youngest is about to go to University, not so much. One poster invented a two year old for the OP.
It is a fact that the job market is getting harder and harder. Women who only decide to get a paid job after many years at home find it even harder. There is a long running thread on MN at the moment about older women looking for jobs.
It is a fact that although women statistically significantly outlive men, women in their fifties are much more likely to be economically inactive than their husbands. Look at the statistics.
Some MNers disparage and are disdainful towards the working partner (usually male) and being a man he is likely to work for many more years. Some women blame not working on being carers for university children and beyond or caring for their aged parents ( always her parents) whilst her husband supports her financially.
It's a tough old world out there. Marriage rates in the UK are at record lows and less than half of middle age women are married. A paying job ( not a hobby job) but one that pays the mortgage is increasingly important. Lots of you advise the OP to get divorced. At while the OP may prefer her independence, days off through being part time will become rarer.

I was lying in bed watching the news and DH came in and reminded me that there is a workman coming over today to mock up some plans.

There are obviously massive issues in your relationship but it sounds as though you caused the argument this morning.

You say he reminded you that the workman was coming over and so you must have known about it beforehand.
It was too late to have this conversation and expect him to cancel the workman who is using his Saturday and expecting the money from it.

I would be really annoyed if I had took time to book a workman to come and then my DH started saying they don’t want him to come and expected me to cancel him last minute.

You need to let the workman come, do his job and get paid for it and then ask him not to order anything until you discuss it with DH.
Then this evening, you need to discuss it fully with DH.

There needs to be a discussion about such big spends but it also seems as though you’d rather not spend any money on the house.
You both need to compromise.

My exH was like this, if I had a day off and planned to use it for me time then he would find a way to spoil it e.g. initiate a huge argument over something trivial so I would be upset the whole day rather than enjoying myself or doing something for me like getting my study work completed. He also used to create urgent workman appointments or deadlines co-incidentally on the day I had off. And he did the “if you don’t do what I want, I’m leaving” mind games too. I think its all about control with these men and mind games.

It was only when we were separating & I had a day off to sort things out, that I saw through his controlling games. He told me I needed to be in the house at midday because the plumber was coming to fix something we needed doing to sell the house. This meant I had to completely change my plans about viewing some new houses for me to move to. It was the only day and there was no other time & I had to be back otherwise my exh threatened to back out of some of the agreements we had made etc etc. But he left his email open & I needed to get the plumber number so I looked and saw that it had been him (my exh) telling the plumber that only that date & time would work. The plumber was suggesting other dates & times (early mornings before work) which suited much better. That was when it became really clear what he was doing.

I don't think this is a storm in a teacup at all. It is symptomatic of the low esteem your DH holds you in, and his lack of respect for you. His efforts to organise your time on your day off also point that way.

Spending £25k renovating two rooms in a newly built house is utterly stupid. You know that, obviously. However, your DH sounds like he has more money than sense.

I'd be telling him this, and if he came out with the "I'm not sure I want to be married anymore" then I'd take him at his word with a "Good, I was just thinking the same" response.

I'm sitting here thinking that I should have just gone "yes dear" as I don't need the stress of him being in a mood or pulling out the "not sure if I want to be married card" right now. I did tell myself that he has done this twice, and on the 3rd time I will 100% take him at his word and end it.

No need to paint yourself into a corner. Now you've set yourself that limit it's made you more afraid to argue in case he says it again. If you want to argue with him you can. And you can decide about leaving him anytime, whatever he has or hasn't said this time.

I can understand how he ruined your day. Both by how he behaves and with the workmen landing into your schedule. He sounds a pain to live with.

He sounds annoying. Does he have any empathy? Or is it all about him all the time?