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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some women could lift heavier in the gym?

636 replies

Ilostallthepens · 08/05/2026 22:25

I go to a strength training class a few times a week. It’s almost always all women, class size is about 15. I’m not especially strong or experienced at lifting weights but I notice I’m always lifting the heaviest (sometimes by a long way) than every other person there. I’m also working to my maximum capacity for the 8-12 reps we’re doing. I’m huffing and puffing and sweating doing bicep curls with an 8kg dumbbell in each hand and I look over and the woman next to me is lifting a couple of 2kg dumbbells with no visible effort at all. I see this in a lot of the women there. They don’t seem to push themselves to their limit or even that close to it. I’m talking about women a similar age to myself that have been going to the gym for at least as long as me. I get some people may not want to push themselves to their max effort for whatever reason, eg. an injury, but I’m seeing lots of women seemingly not putting in half the amount of effort that they seem capable of and over a long period of time. So this makes me think the reason must be they don’t believe they are capable of lifting heavier, or they don’t want to lift to their max ability for some reason. Why do you think this is? Have you experienced this? Do you not work to max capacity in the gym? If not, why not?

OP posts:
AccordingToWhom · 09/05/2026 17:35

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/05/2026 22:39

So as well as men watching them and judging them, women now have to watch out for women watching them and judging them?

It's this kind of shit that puts me off using the gym.

G5000 · 09/05/2026 17:20

likelysuspect · 09/05/2026 17:05

Why does it bother you what people call it. You dont need to go blue in the face.

It's just a shame when someone due to decades old erroneous advice won't reach their goals.
When people say they want toned look, they mean they want to be relatively slim, but don't want to look flabby, right? That's how I understand it.
For this, you need muscles. So they do actually want muscles. Best way to grow muscles is to put some effort in and challenge your muscles - casually and comfortably swinging the same tiny weights for months and years is a very inefficient way of doing it.

So many people who have a certain goal are purposefully avoiding the more efficient way to get to this goal, and doing things minimally beneficial. It's like saying I want to get better at swimming but as I'm worried I will accidentally beat Phelps, I will just tip my toe in the water and no more.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 17:08

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 09/05/2026 17:08

And the third group… those of us who think the OP (and others) should just fuck off and mind their own business!

Yes indeed - i am in that group so lord knows how I forgot to include it 🤣

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 09/05/2026 17:08

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 17:06

This thread is split into two - people judging others for not working hard enough and those trying to outdo each other about being exercise experts 🤣

And the third group… those of us who think the OP (and others) should just fuck off and mind their own business!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 17:06

This thread is split into two - people judging others for not working hard enough and those trying to outdo each other about being exercise experts 🤣

likelysuspect · 09/05/2026 17:05

DuchessofStaffordshire · 09/05/2026 16:55

I've mentioned this until I'm blue in the face but it still gets bandied about. I just let others paddle their own canoe these days.

Why does it bother you what people call it. You dont need to go blue in the face.

SpaceRaccoon · 09/05/2026 17:02

DuchessofStaffordshire · 09/05/2026 15:52

I use 2.5 Kg for cable lateral raises at the end of my push workout. It gives me a crazy pump and I have nice muscly shoulders. It's not all about the amount of weight lifted.

I should have specified for bicep curls. I also tend to go quite light on lateral raises as it niggles my tennis elbow otherwise.

TheCurious0range · 09/05/2026 17:01

MummyWillow1 · 09/05/2026 16:49

’Toning’ isn’t a thing BTW. Adding some weight to your cardio work out will burn more calories (slightly) but you won’t ‘tone’ anything.

I don't care what you want to call it I'm just avoiding bingo wings and flabby thighs, it's working. I do high rep low weight sets separately to my cardio. I'd really like to get back to spin but my cardiologist says it's a step too far for now.

DuchessofStaffordshire · 09/05/2026 16:55

MummyWillow1 · 09/05/2026 16:49

’Toning’ isn’t a thing BTW. Adding some weight to your cardio work out will burn more calories (slightly) but you won’t ‘tone’ anything.

I've mentioned this until I'm blue in the face but it still gets bandied about. I just let others paddle their own canoe these days.

UltimateSloth · 09/05/2026 16:54

Sirzy · 09/05/2026 16:09

A class where 8kg is classed as a heavy weight isn’t really a ‘weightlifting’ class though more a class that uses weights! If it works for those going then fantastic but I do think it’s off for the OP to be so judgmental when she is actually using pretty low weights in the grand scheme of things.

8kg for multiple reps of bicep curls is quite heavy if you're doing them properly ( as in isolating the muscle, not just using momentum to swing them around)

Most women probably can't do an 8kg bicep curl for multiple reps. And lots of untrained women won't even be able to do a single rep of 8kg.

MummyWillow1 · 09/05/2026 16:49

TheCurious0range · 09/05/2026 16:43

I'm not scared of lifting heavy things I don't want to. I do high rep low weights to tone as part of a wider exercise regime for a purpose. I much prefer cardio.

’Toning’ isn’t a thing BTW. Adding some weight to your cardio work out will burn more calories (slightly) but you won’t ‘tone’ anything.

MummyWillow1 · 09/05/2026 16:47

Hoardasurass · 08/05/2026 22:28

Or they just want to tone up not bulk out

Please let me know when the bulking out happens - been lifting heavy for years and still not hulk like 🤪

likelysuspect · 09/05/2026 16:47

I lifted some bottles of olive oil in from the shopping earlier. They were a bit heavy.

Im sat down now. Recovering.

Captainbird · 09/05/2026 16:46

Weightsadvice · 09/05/2026 16:11

I’m so embarrassed I’ve been using 0.5kg weights for 6 months now daily and they still hurt and feel heavy I can only do 25 repetitions of each exercise. Maybe I’m just weak and it’ll take me longer to progress I tried 1 kg and couldn’t manage at all

Don’t worry I was very similar, took me almost a year to get up to 3kg and another year up to 5kg. I was so weak when I first went to the gym I struggled just getting up the stairs.
It’s not a race!! I’m just starting to lift heavy and I’m on year 3 of going to the gym, still very out of condition but still going

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 16:45

G5000 · 09/05/2026 16:36

well guess that is the answer to what OP was asking. All valid reasons, I've taken plenty of classes I wasn't that interested in just because the timing worked, and have also taken classes because I fancied the instructor. Worked out extra hard in that one, mind 😂

It’s concerning that someone has the headspace to judge others but not the intelligence to
think of reasons 🤣

MummyWillow1 · 09/05/2026 16:43

I lift much heavier than most people in my class too - I actively encourage others to push themselves if they show interest in doing so.

However, most look like they will do themselves an injury by lifting too light and flinging the weights around and those people are not there to be encouraged to lift heavy. They are there so they can tell people they ‘lift’ as it is trendy. I don’t comment on their weights as they aren’t interested in listening.

TheCurious0range · 09/05/2026 16:43

G5000 · 09/05/2026 16:38

but nowadays it is widely known that accidental bulking is a myth and you don't need to be scared of lifting heavy
(come on, we all know what this means and it's not pedants' corner here)

I'm not scared of lifting heavy things I don't want to. I do high rep low weights to tone as part of a wider exercise regime for a purpose. I much prefer cardio.

ConnieHeart · 09/05/2026 16:42

I probably could lift heavier if I wanted to but sometimes we'll be doing a hell of a lot more than 12 reps in the classes I go to. If I push myself too hard I stop enjoying it

G5000 · 09/05/2026 16:38

TheCurious0range · 09/05/2026 16:34

Exactly this

but nowadays it is widely known that accidental bulking is a myth and you don't need to be scared of lifting heavy
(come on, we all know what this means and it's not pedants' corner here)

G5000 · 09/05/2026 16:36

takealettermsjones · 09/05/2026 16:15

I mean sure, some may be unaware that they need to lift heavier to achieve their goals. Or they may have different goals. Or they may just not care. They may just want to get their heart beating and their blood pumping. They may have chosen that class because they have an hour to kill while waiting for the next bus, or because it's the only day/time they have away from their kids, or because they fancy the instructor. We can't assume to know what their goals are just because they're there.

well guess that is the answer to what OP was asking. All valid reasons, I've taken plenty of classes I wasn't that interested in just because the timing worked, and have also taken classes because I fancied the instructor. Worked out extra hard in that one, mind 😂

TheCurious0range · 09/05/2026 16:34

KitchenColourandstyle · 08/05/2026 22:27

Back in day when I went to the gym I did low weight high reps. I wasn't looking to build muscle just to tone.

Edited

Exactly this

takealettermsjones · 09/05/2026 16:32

UhOhRatPoo · 09/05/2026 16:28

If I see one more person say “lift heavy” I might have to start drinking heavy.

Soz, was just trying to sound down with the gym bros.

SatsumaDog · 09/05/2026 16:32

UhOhRatPoo · 09/05/2026 16:28

If I see one more person say “lift heavy” I might have to start drinking heavy.

Please go ahead! Alcohol ruins your gains though.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 09/05/2026 16:30

UhOhRatPoo · 09/05/2026 16:28

If I see one more person say “lift heavy” I might have to start drinking heavy.

Pour one for me too!

SatsumaDog · 09/05/2026 16:29

vieve26 · 09/05/2026 16:23

It is really sad to read so much about toning and not wanting to bulk though
it’s not like you’ll lift heavy weights, wake up one day and be fuck somehow I gained 10kg lean muscle
lifting heavy weights leans you out, you have to make a proper effort to gain enough muscle to look bulky

like both of these women lift all the time, neither are bulky

True. Toning means building muscle. It’s not a separate process. You don’t look bulky by accident. It takes years of training and eating the right way. When people say they don’t want to look bulky I feel like saying ‘you should be so lucky!’