Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some women could lift heavier in the gym?

636 replies

Ilostallthepens · 08/05/2026 22:25

I go to a strength training class a few times a week. It’s almost always all women, class size is about 15. I’m not especially strong or experienced at lifting weights but I notice I’m always lifting the heaviest (sometimes by a long way) than every other person there. I’m also working to my maximum capacity for the 8-12 reps we’re doing. I’m huffing and puffing and sweating doing bicep curls with an 8kg dumbbell in each hand and I look over and the woman next to me is lifting a couple of 2kg dumbbells with no visible effort at all. I see this in a lot of the women there. They don’t seem to push themselves to their limit or even that close to it. I’m talking about women a similar age to myself that have been going to the gym for at least as long as me. I get some people may not want to push themselves to their max effort for whatever reason, eg. an injury, but I’m seeing lots of women seemingly not putting in half the amount of effort that they seem capable of and over a long period of time. So this makes me think the reason must be they don’t believe they are capable of lifting heavier, or they don’t want to lift to their max ability for some reason. Why do you think this is? Have you experienced this? Do you not work to max capacity in the gym? If not, why not?

OP posts:
BuildbyNumbere · 10/05/2026 08:51

Ilostallthepens · 08/05/2026 22:47

So what results do these women want by lifting a weight that (by the looks of it, obviously I can’t know for sure) doesn’t provide any kind of resistance, so therefore doesn’t work their muscles at all? What result are they looking for by doing that?

Why don’t you ask them to their face if you are so interested?

peppermintfizz · 10/05/2026 08:49

I mean, they could.

Doesn't mean they should.

Any why would they? To satisfy your odd standards?

BuildbyNumbere · 10/05/2026 08:49

Ilostallthepens · 08/05/2026 22:39

It’s not about being competitive. People don’t lift weights to compete with each other (unless you’re in a weight-lifting competition!) It’s about improving your fitness, building strong muscles, toning up etc. You’re not going to get those results if you don’t challenge yourself a bit

What business is it of yours? Maybe they don’t want to and are just going for fun!?! Worry about yourself, not everyone around you!

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 10/05/2026 07:12

Ilostallthepens · 08/05/2026 23:25

Isn’t that the whole point of an anonymous forum? A place to ask questions about things you wonder about that you can’t ask someone IRL because it would OBVIOUSLY offend them because it’s a personal question and you don’t know the person? It being “none of my business” isn’t the point. I know it’s none of my business but that doesn’t mean I can’t be curious about something. People post questions on here all the time that are none of their business!

Absolutely! But your question is so judgy and unpleasant that you're mainly getting a hard time! By all means ask questions but if your thought process about the queston is essentially unpleasant, you're going to be found out

HoldItAllTogether · 10/05/2026 00:42

I used to lift heavy weights and I deeply regret it. Even though I trained extremely carefully I damaged my back. I’m 60 now and still physically strong but I wish I’d been gentler on my body.

Strangerthanfictions · 10/05/2026 00:37

MeridaBrave · 09/05/2026 23:37

I do bodypump as well as strength training. Most people in my class lift quite light so I doubt it would be enough for improvements bone density or muscle. If you pushed yourself over time and really did increase the weight then yes. but you’d get better results in the gym. I see bodypump as mostly cardio.

I would mainly say the same for body pump, the insane amount of reps means most people can't lift very heavy or progressively increase which is what drives muscle growth but at the end of the day it's movement and weight bearing and will definitely be doing some good and I have absolutely nothing to say about how other people go about their activities, I've had periods where I barely move at all so body pump would have been a million times better than that and will help condition a lot of people

NotThisRecordNotThisRecord · 10/05/2026 00:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Jellybelly80 · 10/05/2026 00:18

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 17:06

This thread is split into two - people judging others for not working hard enough and those trying to outdo each other about being exercise experts 🤣

Im pretty sure there’s more to the thread than the categories you’ve mentioned.

Waitingfordoggo · 10/05/2026 00:13

And of course if you just go in the gym, you lift whatever weights for however many reps you choose to do. I think that’s partly the OP’s point- she is describing a class format where there is a specific training protocol, so if someone wants to do lots of reps with 2kg dumbbells, maybe Pump is a more suitable class for them as it offers the sort of training they want to do.

Waitingfordoggo · 10/05/2026 00:11

Leapintothelightning · 09/05/2026 23:40

My arms are weak as fuck. 2kg dumbbells absolutely would provide some resistance for bicep curls for me. HTH
Plus in group classes like that I would always go low weight high reps rather than high weight.

And there are different class formats for that. Bodypump focuses on low weights and high reps (and is choreographed to music so everyone is doing the same number of reps- with their own choice of weight). I also teach Strength Development which is designed for hypertrophy and strength gains so the rep counts are much lower. We’re often doing only 8-12 reps of an exercise, or sometimes as few as 6, with lots of recoveries, so in that class I do encourage folks to go heavier, because otherwise there’s not much benefit to lifting light weights for so few reps. To get the gains the class offers, you’d need to be reaching fatigue by the last few reps of each set.

NotThisRecordNotThisRecord · 10/05/2026 00:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Waitingfordoggo · 10/05/2026 00:06

Agree @MeridaBrave. Bodypump is designed to build muscular endurance. So Pump is light weights + high reps because that’s what builds muscular endurance (it also provides a bit of cardio as you say, especially when working the big muscle groups in squats and back work).

If people want their muscles to get bigger (hypertrophy), they need fewer reps and heavier weights than they’d use in Bodypump. And if they want to work on their pure strength, then it’s even heavier weights with even fewer reps.

A lot of people starting out in weight training don’t necessarily know about these different training protocols and their respective benefits, and they may not even be clear on what their own goals are. But maybe that doesn’t matter too much- any sort of movement or exercise is better than none. Some people never want to really push themselves physically and so be it. I might privately think they’re missing out because I know from years of instructing and coaching women in weight training, that pushing oneself can be so beneficial for women- especially our self image and our mental health (especially in middle age). But as an instructor, I don’t really ‘push’ my participants- I encourage them to make their own choices and adapt as needed- my aim is that everyone feels successful at the end- whatever that means to them personally. I will push those I know are wanting to progress.

Chellapeak · 10/05/2026 00:00

I'd stop worrying about eyeing up what other people are doing and start being aware of how much attitudes like yours stop people going to the gym in the first place.

NotThisRecordNotThisRecord · 10/05/2026 00:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Leapintothelightning · 09/05/2026 23:40

Ilostallthepens · 08/05/2026 22:47

So what results do these women want by lifting a weight that (by the looks of it, obviously I can’t know for sure) doesn’t provide any kind of resistance, so therefore doesn’t work their muscles at all? What result are they looking for by doing that?

My arms are weak as fuck. 2kg dumbbells absolutely would provide some resistance for bicep curls for me. HTH
Plus in group classes like that I would always go low weight high reps rather than high weight.

MeridaBrave · 09/05/2026 23:37

rookiemere · 09/05/2026 18:52

I asked Copilot what the benefit of Bodypump was. It said studies showed it improved Bone Density and reduced the risk of Osteoporosis, it also said it had better physiological benefits than the equivalent length cardio class. Splendid as that’s just what I need.

Most of us are not idiots. We know that it would take a lot of heavy lifting to bulk up and that it’s super duper for your health, just as I know that eating too much chocolate is not particularly healthy. My own experiences in the past when I have significantly increased weights - and this was with a trainer not Body Pump - is that I ended up with injuries that meant I couldn’t exercise at all for long periods. So I would rather stick to my feeble teeny tiny weights that still feel heavy to me, although I know I of course should do better.

Oh and in 30 years of gym going I have never seen 0.5kg weights used in any class and pink lady weights died out in the 90s.

I do bodypump as well as strength training. Most people in my class lift quite light so I doubt it would be enough for improvements bone density or muscle. If you pushed yourself over time and really did increase the weight then yes. but you’d get better results in the gym. I see bodypump as mostly cardio.

MeridaBrave · 09/05/2026 23:32

I go to bodypump. I lift heavy. Others don’t. Some will be due to injury, others just can’t be bothered. I make progress, they don’t. I see loads of women wasting time in the gym either light weights or endless cardio.

I think these classes are totally the wrong format for improvement. I also go to a free weights class with squat racks when the teacher encourages heavier lifting and in this set up women do lift heavier.

So I think the answer is that the class set up you describe is just not the right format for progress overload. It doesn’t give them the confidence or focus.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 23:06

Strangerthanfictions · 09/05/2026 23:03

Exactly, no such thing as tone. Fat loss and muscle gain

So bang the drum about that - great. But ultimately people have many reasons for not wanting to increase weights etc

Strangerthanfictions · 09/05/2026 23:03

Waitingfordoggo · 09/05/2026 19:37

IMO ‘tone’ isn’t a technical word in fitness terms but as a word it is used a lot in gyms and studios and names of classes. What people usually mean when they say tone is ‘visible muscle’, but subtle- not big muscles. Looking lean basically. The way to achieved a ‘toned’ look is to grow muscle while burning fat so that muscles are visible.

Exactly, no such thing as tone. Fat loss and muscle gain

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 23:02

MissHollyGolightly · 09/05/2026 21:13

I think it's cultural. Women in this country aren't encouraged to be competitive or push themselves particularly. I noticed this on park run, that much younger women were running so slow.

What culture are you referring to where women are not encouraged to do this? Genuinely curious as where people are being told (presumably via the patriarchy) that they can’t compete.

The only ones standing in our way are other women and their nasty attitudes to those who aren’t as good or dedicated as they perceives themselves to be.

Bellasmellsofwee · 09/05/2026 23:02

ChubbyGroundhog · 08/05/2026 22:31

I pushed myself and ended up with overworked traps, bicep tendinopothy and shoulder injury. I'm still out of the gym 14 months later. So, without guidance, caution is necessary.

I slipped a disc and ended up with nerve damage. Steroid injections and nerve blocks did nothing, constant physio and still in pain 2 years later. I wish I’d never set foot in a gym. I’m worse off than I was before and 2 stone heavier as I can’t do much now.

I have guidance. I had a PT with me. It was just one slight move that did it for me, very common the consultant told me.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 22:59

G5000 · 09/05/2026 20:04

I don't think anybody has been particuarly angry on this thread? the grammar police maybe.
Personally I'm just a bit frustrated that the 'you need light weights to tone' myth won't die. We managed to get over 'women can't run marathons' or ' you can't take the train, your uterus will fly out', so how come this one is still so stubborn.

I have never heard anyone say that women can’t run or lift.

And this isn’t aimed at you but some of the other posters - hiding behind ‘concern’ is a pretty crappy thing to do.

if people are really concerned about the messages that women receive then by all means address that. But do it honestly.

its mean spirited and nasty to just slag these women off and it does discourage others from going.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 09/05/2026 22:33

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 09/05/2026 22:23

What are woman demanding and expecting?

Apologies I’ve just reread and I think you meant demands and expectations on women? In which case I agree.

Parker231 · 09/05/2026 22:29

MissHollyGolightly · 09/05/2026 21:13

I think it's cultural. Women in this country aren't encouraged to be competitive or push themselves particularly. I noticed this on park run, that much younger women were running so slow.

I treat Park Run as a fun/social event and not a competition. My friends and I chat all the way around.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 09/05/2026 22:23

likelysuspect · 09/05/2026 22:22

What a horrible attitude. Competition and 'pushing' shouldnt be highly rated

Women are pushing themselves all the bloody time actually, it never stops, so much demand and expectations and it still isnt enough apparently

The whole point of park run is that it isnt a competition and you do what is comfortable for you

This is exactly the attitude that stops people wanting to get out there and do something becuase of the judging and sneering

What are woman demanding and expecting?

Swipe left for the next trending thread