To think some women could lift heavier in the gym?

I realise I keep coming back into this thread, and the OP has fucked off and probably isn’t coming back, so there is literally no point in responding, but I am a little upset at how rude she was and want to share the impact of judging someone and sneering at them.

So yes, OP, I know you can’t outexercise a bad diet. I’ve known for years. I used to be slim and strong, and a combination of lots of different factors over about five years, plus illness and Covid and pregnancy and an isolating mat leave, made me put on weight. I then developed quite a challenging and hard to beat eating disorder. I would binge eat, and for such a long time I felt like this was a personal failing. Stupid cow MayWelland, why did you do that?! No need to eat three Krispy Kremes in a row, you greedy twat. It was all secret eating, shameful stuff.

I confided in a friend who encouraged me to seek help, and the help I got on the NHS was marvellous. It helped me reframe what was happening - my bingeing wasn’t down to a lack of self-control, it was a psychological response to restriction. I worked with a therapist to add structure to my meals, and a nutritionist to work on the binge eating food pyramid, which is different to the normal food pyramid.

I also worked on body image. It’s hard when you used to be a size 12 and you balloon up. You don’t always recognise what you see in the mirror or in photographs, and it can be quite arresting. So we worked on being proud of what my body can do, to love it, not to shame it.

The challenge is how to shift some weight without introducing too much restriction, as I’ve now stabilised but I’m not losing. If you google it, you’ll see that this is a common problem after binge eating, and I’m working through that.

So for me, getting to the gym every Sunday morning is an effort in itself. Putting on my leggings and knowing that there’s nowhere to hide my overhang. Knowing that I can’t even do some of the stretches because my tummy gets in the way. Knowing that there are others who can lift heavier than me. But I don’t go the gym to feel small, I go to feel good.

I am so lucky that my gym is inclusive and welcoming, that I don’t think I have to worry about people like you. And tbh I’m too busy doing my thing, being proud of myself for getting there, that I honestly am not paying attention to those who might be judging me.

I wanted to come back on and let you know the impact of your words. I hope you read this OP and I hope you learn something

If anyone does want to lift heavier than they do but is scared to do so (understandably!) I would suggest if you can find a trainer who can help you build at your pace.

You are right, women should do heavier weights but I knackered my shoulder by lifting heavy weights quickly in Bodypump so I stick to the low ones now although I’m aware it looks a bit feeble.

Have you tried asking them? Just a nice, friendly “Hey, you seem like you’re doing really well, have you thought about going for heavier weights? You look like you could handle more no problem.” Get the answer direct from the source.

If I were to steel man this I’d say that some women are likely looking to increase their PB for low load reps, really get endurance up.

However there are also just going to be a small minority in every class that either haven’t read what it’s about, aren’t interested in what the purpose of the class is, or mostly want to attend a class because they want to socialise and make friends. If they enjoy the social aspect they may keep coming back for this, and not really care about the class goals as stated - and that’s usually fine.

Again though, you should just ask them. Quickest way to an answer and I’m curious what the explanation will be. If it’s something like “I’m worried about getting too bulky” then you have a great opportunity to reassure your classmates that that’s unlikely and help encourage them.

YANBU, OP. I think you’re getting a hard time here.

To be honest I’ve felt the same in my strength class at the gym, and it’s not in a judging way. (There’s sessions I reduce the weight myself for various reasons).

I’m slim, don’t look particularly “strong” but lift probably the heaviest out of the women in the class (and some of the men). I often get comments from other women along the lines of “I couldn’t lift that!”. I encourage them to add a bit more weight if they’re comfortable with that, and they manage it. I think sometimes it’s a matter of confidence just to try it.

No one is watching and judging you. The issue is women who are perfectly healthy who go to a strength class and lift only 2kg and refuse to push themselves and attempt to progress, when that is the whole point of strength training. Why are so many women so afraid to lift heavy?

So no one is judging, except you and OP, who then claim women who want to lift light weights are The Issue! Why are they an issue? What problem are they creating for you? Why is it any of your business?

You really do need to mind your own business
When I'm training I'm oblivious to other people because I'm there for me no one else. My headphones are on and I'm in my own world. Even if i was in a class i would be focusing on myself not on other members.
I'm not intimated by the gym but I know a good few people who are and the reason they are is because of people like you.

I do think we need to keep tackling the misconceptions that weight training will make you “bulky” though.

i know some very strong women who weight train and compete and not one of them is “bulky” they come in a variety of shapes and sizes and the only common factor is most have an arse to die for!

Exactly! It’s not a binary discussion. Maybe there does need to be an education campaign about weight training, and maybe the OP is judgy and goady. They are not mutually exclusive

I understand where OP is coming from. I think gyms are full of people who are doing things which will give them results, but won’t.
Ive been going for 9 months but I would say only in the last 2 months I get what I need to do, and I’ve had to watch videos/talk to people. Pushing yourself weight wise is really hard, especially when you are on your own and it’s counter intuitive to pick up and work with something you can hardly lift.

Theres a pair of women who come to my gym and do nothing, they basically have a chat, do one set on a machine on the lowest setting, drink energy drinks. This is all fine but I assume they are coming to change their bodies somehow, but don’t really understand how it all works.
Watching people at the gym is normal, there’s a boxer who comes to mine and I love watching what he does, he’s so fit.

Apologies, I haven't read all your posts. Why should my posts put you off going to the gym, however? I'm talking about people who can't be bothered to make an effort. It sounds like going to the gym for you is far more difficult than it is for most of the rest of us, involing more effort. That alone is going to be a great achievment.

Sorry - replied to wrong post.

Exactly. "Toning" is just a term invented by the fitness industry as a marketing strategy to sell fitness programs/classes targeted at women who wanted to look firm and lean but were afraid of getting "bulky" from lifting weights.

It's still muscle building though with the extra focus on reducing fat to reveal the muscles underneath.

She didn’t. She said she would actively tell me that you can’t out-exercise a bad diet. She knew exactly what she was doing. She’s judgy and goady and I don’t like it

I lift heavy ish (just done 40kg overhead log press). Others in my gym lift a hell if a lot heavier (as in compete in international strong men comps). Some come to the classes in the early days struggling to lift any sort of weight.

but in this gym it is how it should be and everyone supports everyone else. The strongmen will happily help the person on their first day. People share ideas and support each other. I have never come across anyone judging someone else for what they do.

let’s celebrate the fact people are up and exercising! As long as it’s not dangerous then don’t worry how someone else does it

Lol. The deep irony. You can't "tone". You get toned by building muscle and reducing fat so you can see that muscle. Building muscle doesn't necessarily mean getting bulky. And you can do it with lower weights but you do need to be challenging the muscle to get change (if that's what you want).

Education is the key to understanding, go learn before spouting off.

Why are you watching them? I go to the gym, list what I am happy with, lift what I’m comfortable with for my body and you watching and judging is what puts me off going.
You do you and leave others to do them

They are using their muscles and toning them, but differently from you. Live and let live.

Women should be lifting whatever weights they damn well please. If they want to progress that’s great. If they want to maintain that’s great too. Judgy twats should mind their own business.

So youre judging too.

2kg is really a beginners weight though. And OP says it is a strength class, not a toning class.

Misinformed.

OP is being judgey. But also not progressing beyond 2 kg weights in 6 months would seen a bit odd…

I haven't read the full thread but I am someone who took up weights recently after decades as identifying as the opposite of an exercise person. I'm overweight and was a smoking and red wine and culture person. I found gyms alienating and uncomfortable and Not For Me. It has been a source of huge delight to me to lift increasingly heavy weights and I'd encourage anyone to give it a go. I feel reasonably at home in the gym now and I bang on about deadlifting 55kg to anyone who might listen. I don't care if fitter people are judging me! doesn't matter. Enjoying yourself and doing stuff that challenges you is super fun.

We don't want to grow muscles, we want to tone. You don't tone by lifting heavy weights you do it my lifting lower weights with a good number of reps.

Education is the key to understanding. Go learn before spouting off your opinion, mate.