To think some women could lift heavier in the gym?

100% - it's so hard for a woman to build significant muscle mass if she's genuinely trying and doing everything she can, it's practically impossible for a woman to 'become bulky' accidentally. Unless someone is secretly putting steroids in your food, which seems unlikely.

Aside from that, I take the view that if I don't know the person well enough to know what their goals are, it's none of my business what weights they're lifting. There's so much that goes on in a gym - people doing vanity lifts with terrible form, people spending more of their time on instagram, people seemingly competing to see who can make the most noise, all of it is just background and not relevant to me or my practice.

I agree that it's because of people like you that many don't want to join a gym and go to classes. Why do you even pay attention? Does it make you feel specially good to know you can lift so much more? There are many reasons why some only lift minimum weight.

The main one and is because many do these classes not to get stronger but to keep their current muscle mass, as a mean to stay healthy later on life. This is probably the best reason to lift weight.

Others might have health issues that prevent them from lifting more. It might be a rehab class for others.

In my case, it's because lifting weight is only a small part of my fitness regime. I do a sport 5 to 6 times a week which I'm totally dedicated too. I don't want muscle aches to affect this activity. However, it helps with Keeping the muscle mass. I normally have 2.5 to 3 kgs dumbbells.

I don't judge people on the trademeal who can only run at 8.5 km/h when I can run for the same time at 11km/h!

I feel there are two issues being conflated here!

The first is that people can have all sorts of motivations for going to the gym - they can lift whatever weights they want for whatever reasons - and they should be able to do so without fear of being judged for not lifting heavier.

The second is that is that far too many women underestimate their own strength and the myths around ‘lifting weights makes you bulky’ are pervasive and damaging.

Absolutely. This is exactly the sort of attitude that puts me off the gym. I hate and detest it with a passion but I go because it's more beneficial than not going. I have no desire to compete with weight lifters but I do feel intimidated when I do my puny stuff. I've been going a long time but I have multiple health issues that you can't see plus osteoporosis which is invisible until you break a bone. My routine is designed by a coach to give a gentle all round improvement in strength and fitness, nothing more.

I’ve been steadily increasing. So when I can do 3 sets of 12-15, I’ll increase the weight the next time.

I’ve cut down on carb portions, eat plenty of veg and protein.

You won't build big bulky weights with 8kg bicep curls though, not even close.

It's not how much you lift it's how you do it. You need a programme and a diet

You ‘tone’ by building muscle!

Gym isn't my main sport.

I lift to complement/prehab my running.

If I push hard in the gym I can't do a quality session of running intervals for 2 or 3 days. It's very tiring. I might be able to go to the gym but running feels like plodding through treacle.

I know my limits and I'm probably one of these women you see doing 30kg barbell squats and not really pushing myself.

I would just keep increasing the weights gradually. Once you can do three or four sets of 8-10 or 10-12 reps comfortably at a given weight, put it up! I don't think there's a hard and fast "at this weight you will see muscle definition" rule because it'll depend on your body composition. I have been lifting roughly comparable weights to you for a while now (18 months) and don't see a lot of definition because I'm quite fat still 😅

What do you think of my weights? I’m relatively new and want to be strong with visible muscle:

Lat pulldowns and seated rows = 32kg
Chest press = 30kg
Leg press = 80kg
Bicep curls = 7kg
Lat raises = 3kg

Ive not seen any visible difference yet. How heavy do I need to go?

I wouldn't thank anyone for this other than my PT or the class instructor.
They could have their own issues stopping them from going heavier that they don't want to share with you

Exactly this. Many of us feel vulnerable exercising in public, for all sorts of reasons, such as age, size, ability, clothes even. It's bad enough that men judge us all the time, really upsetting that other women join in with the pile on. Just horrible. Now i remember why i no longer belong to a gym, too effing stressful - i do a lovely tai chi class with lots of older people, mostly women, and there is zero nasty competitiveness.

Just back from the gym
Tried a higher weight for dumbell chest press...nope, couldn't lift it. Tried some triceps dips on the machine...christ I was huffing and puffing and one chap was smiling as I got off.
See...Tried, thats all I do
I try each time to better myself and sod what anyone is doing!

Like I said, myself and my friend went ‘to exercise’, but really it was just to hang out together, do a little bit of exercise and have a break. Sometimes it’s easier to justify ‘me time’ to yourself (and others!) when you have young kids by saying ‘I’m off to the gym’ than by saying ‘I’m off to sit in coffee shop for an hour’.
I had no desire to change my body.

Depends on what muscle groups you’re talking about though.

“You’re not going to get those results if you don’t challenge yourself a bit” Actually you are quite wrong.
Lifting lighter weights to tone, rather than build is quite often the point of going to the gym for some women.
You do you, and keep your judgment in your head. Not everyone has the same goals as you, and your opinion is not relevant!

In a gym no one is sneering at someone who is trying to get themselves into shape and improve their perfomance and health.

And yet, @BunnyBunbunbun, that's exactly what you are doing. Along with the OP.

Because no one is going to pay to sit on a shoulder press machine to socialise only. Especially when you’ve walked past a coffee shop to go in.
People go to do exercise.

This is such a strange thread.

Some women (me) don't go to the gym or lift weights at all and we could be doing more. Some women only run 5k's and really they could be doing a marathon if they just tried a bit harder and what's the point of buying proper running shoes if you don't or wearing walking boots to walk one mile.

If you are so offended by the women in your elite weight lifting class being to genteel and not lifting heavy enough like you then I suppose you could tell them. They might tell you to fuck off and mind your own business....and I suppose then you should. I expect posts like this won't make some women feel more confident to go and join a gym because they will feel like more experienced women will be judging them now.

There is a small group, weights, type gym too, offers small classes. Think that’s around £100 month and again most classes in the week.

I’d love to but the price is prohibitive.

@rookiemere Bodypump can be good fun, but as @BitOutOfPractice says there is often zero input on ‘form’ so if you’re finding you get pain need to be sensible and make adjustments, or mix it with other things.

@BitOutOfPractice how much is a virgin active monthly membership,? If it’s low cost, offers small, quality classes, with classes available on weekends and some evenings, brilliant!

My local gym, for example, is £40 month - not bad - but offers no such classes (offers Les Mills, spin etc, mainly in the daytime Monday to Friday) and personal training is £40+ an hour.

David Lloyd is within driving distance but costs much more.

Why do you assume that’s why they’re going? It sounds to me like they’re going to have a chat with their friend, chill out a bit, maybe get a break from their home/kids/job etc. When we had babies/toddlers my best friend and I used to go to the gym for the same reason.
There’s a saying about ‘assuming’ things… it makes an ass out of u and me!