AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

My kids both napped for a couple of hours in the morning and that was my chance to get things done. Every baby sleeps at some point in the day (im obviously not referring to Mum just getting out the hospital), but once you are settled into a routine with your days, you can do some housework (supported by partner at the weekends, after work etc). Big difference between supporting each other, working as a team and not touching anything all day.

What about the mental health of the partner working, running a home and who will also want some quality time with his baby?

I can only speak for my group of friends, but everyone has managed to do the basics whilst on maternity leave, attend groups, go for walks, meet for coffees (as everyone should). If you can do that, you can clean a bathroom (which is actually an essential job to stop germs spreading).

As I said, i’d be worried at someone telling me they can’t do the basics. That to me is a cry for help.

You do realise that you can quickly clean and look after a baby at the same time right?

Erm. Did you read the post i was responding to? The poster did say her house was immaculate actually. Someone else said that they cleaned the fridge and mopped floors. I just don't see why people need to do more than clear up after themselves as they go along e.g washing up.

Not weird at all. The purpose of maternity leave is to look after and bond with with the baby, not to clean the house to hubby’s satisfaction. So many men expect their partners to be housewives during maternity leave and that’s not the point. At all.

No one is saying immaculate. Even the OP isn't saying immaculate.

The question is 'some' housework, relating to cleaning up after herself that day. Maybe sometimes putting a wash on, or starting dinner sometimes.

Not deep cleaning behind the fridge and scrubbing the skirting.

If you are a single parent and the father has no input I think even more important to spend time with your baby rather than keeping your house immaculate.

I went out and about too but I certainly wasn't cleaning fridges and mopping floors. The "basics" to me were just washing up after myself. Anything else was done when DH was home and spending time with our baby. Maternity leave was for spending time with my baby not housework.

It really depends on the baby. Sometimes I found it hard to have a shower never mind do chores.

YANBU. Single mums don't live in filth just because they have a baby.

Of course you should be helping each other, but to do no cleaning/tidying at all in all the hours is questionable.

Posting on here as a man will have you told, but if you suddenly said it's a same sex couple, you'd have different replies.

Totally agree. Unfortunately in this day and age, people have been fed the idea that you can’t put the baby down or you’re a terrible Mum (which has been extremely detrimental to mental health). I loved the freedom of my babies napping, happy in the bouncer, jumperoo, playing on a playmat (which you can move around whilst you get things done).

Being confined to the sofa cuddling all day would have been extremely bad for me mentally as an active person. I got jobs done whilst my baby napped and never missed a day to get out for a walk. If the OP’s wife is unable to do the basics (im not talking Mrs Hinch level home!), she needs some urgent support and that would be ringing huge alarm bells that she is massively struggling.

Ah, you're one of those lucky people, who found things got easier after the baby phase not harder.

Fantastic!

My primary school age children still wake at night. No spud peeling for me!

If they baby is waking at night and the mum is doing all night wakings, then she should be sleeping while the baby sleeps, not peeling spuds.

And they will wonder why the birth rate plummets.😂

Yes most probably do, and some don't and then the baby phase passes and things get back to normal.

Single people work full time and do all the household chores and cook their meals. Why is it too difficult just because their partner had a baby. I agree that she should clear up after herself in the day but could probably do that in the evening while OP has the baby.

I'd have thought that most adults unless very unwell are capable of it doing at least a bit around the house/something that isn't just baby. Otherwise no one would ever be able to have a second child.

Of course the shouldn't be making her do it, but as an adult she should be capable of knowing that it's part of being an adult.

She needs to do it 😅How do you suggest he make her do it?

Of course she can decline. He appears to have brought it up a few times and she is still saying she can't do it.

I managed to do the basics also, doesn't mean that I don't understand that others mothers may struggle or that I can dictate what they should be doing.

This sounds like the chap who has just left his partner & baby because he's a snowflake, same complaint - housework. He likes to play on his playstation when he comes home from work. It's best he goes back to his mum's if he doesn't want to muck in. A mum's job is 24/7 she doesn't get any time off.

She needs to do the housework, I’m a single parent and I do absolutely everything myself so she has no excuse that she’s looking after the baby. I do that and my other child, and keep the house immaculate

She’s looking after a baby and physically recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and probably having to get up during the night to feed baby.

Stop being an arsehole

Quite a bit missing here it sounds like its your first child so getting in to a routine takes a while.
Is she breastfeeding as thats usually in demand and can get tiring
Is she doing all night feeds as thst makes for a disturbed sleep.
Once I got in to the swing of things I got a routine in place and when I got to the toddler years plus having a part time job I thought wow the baby years were easier than this.

Not everyone can use slings.

Even if the baby is difficult and she isn’t getting much sleep, I don’t think she can simply decline to do anything at all. Unless she is actually very physically unwell, or suffering from severe PPD- which op has not said, and assume they would have if that was the case, then yes I do think she should be able to do something around the house most days. Even if it is putting the laundry on or a doing brief tidy. If she is genuinely so unwell that she can do nothing else at all, then I would advise she seek medical review.

I had a very colicky baby, I was EBF and no, not getting much sleep. I managed to do the basics most days. Because it was a necessity, and forcing my DH to carry the entire weight of the entire household duties/meals and managing the farm (when he was up most of the night as it was, plus busy most of the day as it was lambing/calving) was simply not tenable or fair. Was it easy? No. Was I knackered a lot of the time? Yes. It was, however, doable But I don’t think it is reasonable to expect your partner to work full time, do all the household chores, all the cooking and tidying after meals, all the shopping and so on. It’s not sustainable. I also expect she can do something- even if it would be preferable to her to do nothing.