AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

That's awesome that you managed that for so long. I think though you must have done more than just babycare if your husband worked away for a month. You'd have needed to cook, do washing up, laundry, basic cleaning etc.

If I got my first down for a nap (got to sleep in the sling and then decanted her to nearby), I'd dedicate one nap to joining her, one nap to chores and the shortest nap for something for me (so a book, computer game etc).

I'm still not sure how I survived the sleep deprivation of the toddler years though - my youngest woke up 10+ times a night, and was BF back to sleep, plus a preschooler, plus work. The idea of one baby and no work seemed positively relaxed by comparison.

I couldn’t even get drop cup bras in my side and hence needed full access to my boobs and had to hold the flanges onto me. I’d generally have DD napping next to me on the bed to improve the flow and then put the milk in the fridge and have a nap myself. Not sure how on earth I managed to do it for a year. DH was working away for 18 months and didn’t expect me to do anything but keep me and DD alive and well.

I was before the time of the wearables as well - or they'd just started to cover on but we're ridiculously expensive and rare. So I made my own. I cut some holes in an old sports bra that fitted the flanges through and the control box was small enough to just have next to me, or in a pocket or whatever. Tbf though, if wearables didn't exist I might not have thought of it.

Tbf though I didn't do much housework at the same time (I ate dinner, straightened my hair, played computer games etc, but I could have done).

I am currently on mat leave and it’s very difficult to get much done as my little one is a Velcro baby, will only contact nap and screams as soon as he is put down. However, I do try and get something done if he’s happy in his bouncer. So it’s not as black and white as you might think. I do use a carrier to get something done but there’s also a lot that I can’t get done.

Edited to say I also have a 2 year old at home.

Not sure what your point is. The fact that babies in large families don't get much attention doesn't mean it is ideal.

If you struggle with the first (as I did) it’s not very likely you’re going to have 5 kids!!!!

As usual, a complaint from a man with zero relevant details: how old is the baby, how well does the baby sleep and eat, how easy is the baby to put down, how many times is your wife up in the night, how much mess is there actually (ie is it taking you ten minutes to deal with or an hour), how is your wife’s mental health.

Same! Velcro baby and cluster fed for ages, every 5-16 minutes through the night according to my very precise and sleep deprived diary from the newborn stage 😂 DH still does most of the cooking and I still do almost all the childcare.

I always managed to do the dishwasher but mine would only nap on me/in the sling for months, there was no leaving him napping in another room and cracking on with two hands free. Totally depends on your baby and my DH is amazing. I always told him if he was ever unhappy we would look at changing things though but he prefers it as he works a lot and it suits him. Also he's the clean freak in our relationship and he likes things done a certain way.

I could have used a bouncer but I was in my head about not using containers. If I hopefully have another, I will definitely use a bouncer!

Not 16 years ago, I couldn’t. I was physically attached to a hospital grade pump. None of these discrete slip it in your bra numbers. I had to fully strip my top half.

But apparently they are so quick to do if it's the mum at home with the baby doing them? yet if the OP were to do them it would take all evening?

And yes in ordinary circumstances they should be shared but she may be running on zero sleep and still recovering from childbirth, in which case she might not have any energy at all to help so OP should pick up the slack.

I think maybe pay someone between you to do the house work, learn to have different standards for a while or just agree to live in seperate houses til the baby goes to nursery and you're both sharing the childcare equally.

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Sorry I see what you mean. You are absolutely right, but if the OP is at work all day, then doing chores all evening they won’t get any time with the baby. Also the OP shouldn’t have to do all the household stuff either, it should be shared.

Im talking about babies.

Example - Mum with 3 kids (baby, 3 year old, 5 year old). Two at nursery/school. You have hundreds of little jobs to do in the day besides any housework mentioned. Babies can happily play independently (mine loved it!) and the older children have some attention from the Mum too. Does the baby have to be glued to the Mum’s side 12 hours a day?

No parent of multiple kids will have not left a baby happily playing, in a bouncer, on a playmat or somewhere safe in the home whist they do all the things in the day you need to do for the older children (including getting them out the door early in the day). Older children need help brushing their teeth or wiping their bum, does the baby have to come to the bathroom for 2 minutes aswell or can they happily play with their toys?

Seriously 🤦🏼‍♀️

I cleaned at weekends when on maternity leave when the baby was asleep or with my husband. He also did some cleaning during that time.

I’d be more impressed if he had also given birth 4 days before and was severely sleep deprived

We are talking about babies, not older children. Of course my children played on their own as they got older. Funnily enough they were quite capable of doing that despite the fact that I played with them when they were babies rather than leaving them to clean the bathroom.

Sorry, By 'she' I meant the OPs partner.

So when you have 2 or 3 kids (juggling perhaps a baby, nursery runs and school runs whilst on maternity leave and running a home), you never leave a child to happily play on their own. Ok.

Kids enjoy playing by themselves as part of a day filled with lots of interaction aswell.

No I didn't feel independent play was highly important when they were babies before going to nursery. I thought interacting with them was more important and that they would be able to play independently as they got older regardless.

I don’t think the OP is the one on mat leave?

Would OP not have mentioned this in his original post if this was the case?

People can only reply based on info given - no extreme circumstances have been mentioned as far as ive seen.

If it's so quick and easy then there's no harm in the OP doing it while she is on maternity leave and recovering from childbirth.

I don't really get all the "babies need to learn how to play alone" so must be left while you clean the bathroom. It isn't a skill and they will be capable of playing by themselves when they are older regardless of whether you left them with their bricks when they were six months.

My child had colic, screamed whenever they were awake, and didn’t sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time, for nearly 2 years. They had to be held constantly or would sob their poor heart out as were in so much pain. It took a long time for the doctors to figure out what was going on and get the right approach in place. They would vomit several times a night, necessitating bedding changes, as well as vomiting down me several times a day, and I had to do several loads of laundry a day. No, I didn’t really do any other housework during that time. Does that help to explain why some of us found it so hard?