AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

What could be "piling up" though?

I doubt very much that op would expect to take over all duties so she can have a rest when he is at home but regardless why should she do things that way if she doesn't want to.

This thread reminds me of a celebrity who went on tv to lecture about ‘attachment parenting’ then was found dead of a drug overdose (clearly deeply struggling but didn’t want the world to see).

If people were honest on this thread, if they couldn’t get the basics done at home all day, they must have been massively struggling with something - baby, mental health etc.

OP needs to have that conversation with his partner and reach out for help if needed.

Per OP’s post she lets it all pile up during the day. It is disgusting to do that.

How does the house "get disgusting" when she is at home though. The baby won't be making a mess so apart from a bit of washing up after lunch what extra work is there compared to when she wasn't on maternity leave. It's pretty obvious OP is expected her to do more housework than she did before maternity leave a.k.a his share.

How about you take a few days off work to stay home while your DP takes the time to go out for the day, visit friends etc? See how much you get done around the house while looking after baby properly. Then you'll have a baseline.

If I was OP I’d be asking why she can’t do basic hygiene tasks to be honest.

Well this isn’t about you is it? It’s about OP’s partner who is letting the house get disgusting while she’s home all day

Agreed, most didn't even care how old the baby was or if this woman had a difficult childbirth or how her mental health is, they just decided that she still should be doing x, y and z regardless.

The woman in question has already told the OP that she can't do those things, so what exactly are people suggesting? That the OP keeps asking, or that they insist on it or dictate to her about what she should be doing?
Or is it just that they think they're validating the OPs feelings, that they're right to expect it, which will just cause them to be more pissed off with their partner and not actually help the situation in any way 🤔

If it all only takes 5 minutes what is the problem with doing it when OP is home and spending time with his child?

Why not get the jobs out of the way and he can take over baby duties on the evening and op can rest.

We’ve never owned a tumble dryer. And didn’t have that much washing per week that waiting till DH was home at the weekend was an issue. Nothing piled up!

From the washing machine to the tumble dryer.

Even 15-20 minutes total is not a great burden. There is simple no excuse to let it all pile up!

yes I would expect the dad /op to help out as well but sounds like she is doing nothing

Help out. Says everything.

Housework is for women. Childcare is for women. Men are far too important swinging their dicks for 40 hours a week to be bothered by such nonsense and women should be grateful if they put their pants in the washing basket rather than on the floor.

Its starting to feel like the biggest misogynists are women.

<checks it’s still 2026>

Switching it over? What does that mean?

Takes me/DH 5 mins to collect laundry from upstairs and put the machine on then 10-15 mins to hang it out properly to minimise wrinkles and twisting. 30 seconds is absolute bollocks.

A week old baby doesn’t play by themselves. A 9 month old baby is a different creature. And no, as my daughter was climbing everything by 8 months and fully walking by 10 months I couldn’t take my eyes off her for more than a couple of seconds as she could climb out of her cot/playpen and would have been standing on the back of the sofa within seconds.

Also haven’t owned an iron since the 00s. By spending more than 5 minutes dealing with each load of washing I don’t need one. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course YANBU. Putting a dish in the dishwasher takes as much time as it does to walk it to the sink. Putting the washing on/switching it over takes 30 seconds. Maternity leave isn’t an excuse to become lazy

So you saved every single job for the evening? You never went to the washing line alone in 9 months?

I dont call names on Mumsnet - my content, happy, thriving children are proof babies dont need to be attached to you for every waking second of the day.

Please google the benefits of independent play and why it is massively encouraged.

As the thread shows, alot of the Mums who couldn’t get things done were properly struggling for various reasons. I suggested to the OP that is more than likely why his partner can’t do the basics.

Why should she hoover during the day though?

It does take 5 mins

yes I would expect the dad /op to help out as well but sounds like she is doing nothing

yes you get babies who don’t sleep /have reflux /colic etc - sometimes they have to cry for a few mins

that makes more sense then a mum not being able to wee all day or not be able eat a sandwich /lunch - or they go over shoulder and pat back with one hand and eat with other at an extreme

no one is saying she needs to totally
clean the house every day - but a few simple tasks like putting washing on - Hoover living room floor - put dishes in dw/wash and leave to drip dry should be manageable

If you think it is beneficial to babies to leave them by themselves so you can iron and clean bathrooms you are deluded. If it is really such a quick job then it can be done when your dp is home.

I wasn't glued to them 24 hours a day as obviously they slept a bit and then I would shower, have lunch,express milk etc. We also went out a lot.

Absolutely saying that.

Nobody I know interacts with their baby for every single second of the day. Not going over what is already said. My kids always had days filled with every activity babies ever should, but they were also content playing.

It’s actually a positive to have a baby that can play by themselves. Baby is happy playing with building blocks, takes 10 minutes to make a cuppa and wipe over a bathroom.

Did you seriously not leave your baby’s side for every waking second for the 9 months of maternity leave?

Are you seriously arguing that it is beneficial to the baby to not interact with them so you can iron.😂 Obviously I washed things up if I used them during the day etc but "the million other things" waited until the weekend when my husband was there and he did housework too.

Only on Mumsnet would someone be unable to leave their baby for short periods to do basic, necessary housework to not live in a dirty home.

Meanwhile in the real world, most babies can happily play with parents nearby.

How did you pack for holidays, weekends away, hang out washing, do the ironing, go to the bins, a million other things you could think of - did baby have to be attached to you for all those things? That sounds exhausting and miserable.

Its just ridiculous that you think it isn’t a huge benefit to have a child that is happy and content playing.

I don't agree at all that mothers should be doing more housework when on maternity leave than when they are back at work.

i agree. But she should still be doing her fair share, like before she had children. 'some' housework is what we are discussing. Not doing most of it for the family. Just that entirely stopping, even cleaning up after yourself, isn't on.

You said "multiple" which to me implied a large family. I don't have a baby now btw. My dds are in their late 20s and seem very able too entertain themselves despite my "unhealthy" habit of playing and interacting with them rather than leaving them to "entertain themselves " so I could clean bathrooms. I don't agree at all that mothers should be doing more housework when on maternity leave than when they are back at work.