AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

Who knows. We've only got the one post to go on, and the op hasn't been back. But what I'm seeing is a lot of assumptions that he must be useless because he's a man, rather than actually going on what is written.

The vast majority of parents, mums or dads, can manage to do some other bits whilst looking after a baby. No one is taking about a deep clean here, just the basics of being an adult. If a parent truly can't manage that whilst looking after a baby, it wouldn't be safe for them to have a second baby etc. fortunately, most of us can multitask fine, even with a clingy baby.

@Babyboomtastic
What are they doing right now?
Can you see her sleeping soundly and the OP up doing a night feed?

She hasn't been.

There's is zero indication that he isn't pulling his weight with baby.

If people can manage looking after multiple children and babies, and find time to put a load of laundry on, then I'm sure it's not beyond the wife here either, with her one baby.

I am sure she will be able to wash her pants at the weekend especially if OP does his share of looking after his child.

Eh, lots of us have.

I've certainly experienced a baby/toddler who woke 10+ times a night, whilst also juggling a toddler and work.

Oh, and a seriously ill child in hospital for months, who require far more care when she came home than a newborn, and getting to grips with tube feeding etc.

I still managed to wash my pants 🙄

Tell me you've never experienced the sleep deficit induced brain fog of new motherhood or the sense of being completely overwhelmed without telling me...

Her full time job on mat leave is caring for the baby.
You also have a full time job, whatever it is you do. Yay for you!

Now, in any ordinary relationship where 2 people both work full time, the household chores should be shared equally outside of full time working hours (let's assume 9-5 for the ease, here). So outside of 9-5, you both do 50% of the chores. Grand. That's fair.

However, this is no ordinary full time job your partner has. They are also physically recovering from pregnancy, meaning their body has taken a toll. And in any loving partnership, the one not recovering steps up to the chores plate and does more, to make room for healing of the other one. Fabulous, we've established you should be doing more.

Then, on top of this, there is now a baby to care for. The baby is yours. The baby is your partners. Equally. So, outside of those 9-5 working hours, the baby should be cared for by you both equally. What this looks like for your family may look different to my family and any other family.

But there we have it.

@Cljw How much of a second job can you get done simultaneously whilst you're accountable for doing your full time job?

Because shes not even doing her own He is expected to to his own as you have said, so why can’t she do her own?
It is not unreasonable to expect your partner to tidy and clean up after themselves, which is all he has suggested, seriously seriously tell me that a mother has 0 minutes to wash up a cup or plate she used for lunch or pop a load of laundry going, its ridiculous.

Because shes not even doing her own He is expected to to his own as you have said, so why can’t she do her own?
It is not unreasonable to expect your partner to tidy and clean up after themselves, which is all he has suggested, seriously seriously tell me that a mother has 0 minutes to wash up a cup or plate she used for lunch or pop a load of laundry going, its ridiculous.

Because she has said “she doesn’t have time to do any of that” meaning ANY laundry. I suspect he moans about laundry not being done because it is frankly gross having loads of unwashed laundry hanging around.
you have made a assumption that he hasn’t/doesnt look after the baby after work also, but hey you can’t do housework AND look after a baby 🤔 so maybe he doesn’t interact with the baby at all because one can’t do both can they according to the majority of this thread.

Yes, I’d expect some housework done, apart from the early days or weeks. Doesn’t have to be much, but when the baby is sleeping etc. something can be done, even if it’s basic tidying or peeling the spuds or emptying the dishwasher.

How do you know she wouldn't wash her clothes? Why can't he just leave her to do her own laundry rather than complain about laundry? Why can't he look after their baby when he gets so she can clear up any mess and sometimes cook dinner?

Because shes not even doing her own He is expected to to his own as you have said, so why can’t she do her own?
It is not unreasonable to expect your partner to tidy and clean up after themselves, which is all he has suggested, seriously seriously tell me that a mother has 0 minutes to wash up a cup or plate she used for lunch or pop a load of laundry going, its ridiculous.

Why would he care if she wasn't doing her own laundry? He obviously only cares because she isn't doing his either. Why complain about doing the laundry otherwise?

At what point in the OP has he said he expects her to do his laundry? All he has asked is that she cleans up the mess she has made throughout the day, no unreasonable in my opinion, again it is ludicrous that people are suggesting she can’t do ANYTHING or doesn’t have time, bollocks.

So terrible for father to do their own laundry after a full day of work but fine for working mothers. Presumably op did his own laundry before his partner was in maternity leave so why is it so difficult now?

Her full time job on mat leave is caring for the baby.
You also have a full time job, whatever it is you do. Yay for you!

Now, in any ordinary relationship where 2 people both work full time, the household chores should be shared equally outside of full time working hours (let's assume 9-5 for the ease, here). So outside of 9-5, you both do 50% of the chores. Grand. That's fair.

However, this is no ordinary full time job your partner has. They are also physically recovering from pregnancy, meaning their body has taken a toll. And in any loving partnership, the one not recovering steps up to the chores plate and does more, to make room for healing of the other one. Fabulous, we've established you should be doing more.

Then, on top of this, there is now a baby to care for. The baby is yours. The baby is your partners. Equally. So, outside of those 9-5 working hours, the baby should be cared for by you both equally. What this looks like for your family may look different to my family and any other family.

But there we have it.

@Cljw How much of a second job can you get done simultaneously whilst you're accountable for doing your full time job?

Her full time job on mat leave is caring for the baby.
You also have a full time job, whatever it is you do. Yay for you!

Now, in any ordinary relationship where 2 people both work full time, the household chores should be shared equally outside of full time working hours (let's assume 9-5 for the ease, here). So outside of 9-5, you both do 50% of the chores. Grand. That's fair.

However, this is no ordinary full time job your partner has. They are also physically recovering from pregnancy, meaning their body has taken a toll. And in any loving partnership, the one not recovering steps up to the chores plate and does more, to make room for healing of the other one. Fabulous, we've established you should be doing more.

Then, on top of this, there is now a baby to care for. The baby is yours. The baby is your partners. Equally. So, outside of those 9-5 working hours, the baby should be cared for by you both equally. What this looks like for your family may look different to my family and any other family.

But there we have it.

@Cljw How much of a second job can you get done simultaneously whilst you're accountable for doing your full time job?