AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

What proportion of the night wakings are you doing?

You never answered.

How old is the baby?

How brutal was the birth? Any injuries?

Does the baby sleep/nap well, and feed well?

It depends on the baby. DC 1 no bother tidying around, washed, dressed, DC2 Velcro baby who cried all day, very little was accomplished for about a year.

Were you breastfeeding? Just a genuine question. I bottle fed my first and housework was easier. With bf, it took a lot longer and I was physically more tired. It makes a big difference.

Also how much housework do you fit in a day? None right because you are working - well so is she.

Typical stupid man! Thinking a woman should be able to do everything while he works!! What do you think your partner is doing? How about you look after your child for a day and see how much house work you get done because I bet it’s zero!!

@Cljw are you coming back to answer any of our questions?

It pisses me off that cleaning is so synonymous with mothering.

There are too many variables. How old is the baby? Does the baby sleep? Does it cry a lot? Does it need held constantly? Is your partner still trying to find their feet?

I had a pretty good baby and there were days I still ate nothing but cornettos and barely washed my own face never mind someone else's clothes.

How old is baby, are they clingy and do they sleep well?

My ds1 was clingy, fussy and quite a high needs baby who didn’t sleep well until he was 1. The house was utterly neglected. My ds2 was the opposite, very chilled and slept through from 6 weeks and my house was immaculate.

I'm sorry, is she your employee or your partner and mother of your child? 'You wouldn't mind so much'? That's so big of you.

My first born didn't sleep during the day. She was born in February and as we didn't have central heating we were confined to the living room for her first 2 months. I didn't do any housework because it just wasn't possible.

Her brother slept for 4 hours between feeds and I finally realised how other people managed to get anything else done.

It depends on your baby. Mine screamed every second she wasn’t touching me. She would not sleep unless she was on me. I was a wreck 24/7. Our child was later diagnosed with ASD, but at that time all we knew was that our baby wasn’t like other babies.

My husband did all the housework, cooked the meals, and sometimes cut up my food so I could eat one handed. He understood working all day and taking care of the chores was the much easier job.

I had a clingy baby who cried constantly and hardly slept. I got lots of housework done. I used to shut the door on my screaming baby, put a timer on for 10 minutes and scrub the loo or the kitchen floor with tears streaming down my face. I tried out lots of new recipes.

Looking back, I probably had undiagnosed PND but my house has never been tidier or shinier.

I started hallucinating about accidentally dropping my baby out of the window (we lived in a 4th floor flat at the time) and so refused to let anyone open any windows despite it being a very hot summer. I used to wake up in the middle of the night inconsolable, panicking that the baby had suffocated in the bed and I couldn't find them, only to find them peacefully sleeping in the cot next to me. Eventually, I refused to sleep without the light on.

Be careful what you wish for. A bit of mess is not the end of the world.

My first was fine too - for the first few weeks and then colic set in and it was a constant scream fest for months. In fact in the first 2 years she slept for 8 hours just the once. I was a zombie. Housework was done but more because the noise of the hoover or the washing machine blocked out the screaming for 10 mins.

Is she struggling with pnd? Then i can fully understand why she is struggling but otherwise yanbu to think she could put some washing on and run the hoover around if she's home all day

I personally found the first few weeks after childbirth quite boring. Mine just slept for hours.So it was quite easy to keep the house tidy.

wow. no comment, such a small minded comment to make. I can't believe someone needs to teach you how to suck eggs, but seriously, have a think about what your partner is doing. How old is the baby, is it her first? If yes, she wants to bond and if the baby naps, it's most likely contact napping, so yes, impossible to do anything. Separately, deepening on the age of the baby, there are so many other things at play, for example hormones. Do some research and learn to empathise. Don't be a dick.

Here’s what you need to do.

1. Book a week of annual leave
2. Spend that week looking after the baby and tidying and cooking, to show her how easy it is.

I don’t disagree here. I had a newborn and 13mth old and I was keeping our home the same standards as pre children while I was off of work.

My husband was also very hands on with our babies and the house work. We worked as a team.

Does the baby sleep for long periods and is mum sleeping through the night? If she’s up in the night then she should be free to nap when baby does in the day. Rather than worry about chores. Surely you want her fit and well and able to look after baby in this first year. And get out with baby, make social connections etc.
It is a full time job and very overwhelming especially with a first baby. Could you consider hiring a cleaner.

Depends on the baby. Some are very easy to get stuff done with. Others not so much.

@Cljw you're not going to answer any of the questions are you? You're just an entitled man who has absolutely no idea what it's like looking after a small baby during the day.

I'm going to assume - possibly rashly - that your baby is relatively young, so all of this is a bit new to you. So you have absolutely NO idea what it's like looking after a small baby. You jog off to work quite happily every day and have no clue what your wife is actually dealing with.

I could be quite wrong, of course - but as you're not answering any questions about age of baby, then I'll stick with that.

Well, in my case I was doing every wake up and all the feeding (exclusive expressing so took more effort than standard BF or making bottles), recovering from a traumatic birth which caused PTSD, and all childcare for 122 hours straight every week with at least a week a month of mastitis. The hoover could not have featured less in my thoughts.

YANBU but lots on here will tell you it’s not the Mums job. I think whoever is home with a baby can manage basic cleaning & making a meal. I always kept the house tidy when I was off on maternity leave. Equally DH used to do the same if he was home with the kids.