AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

I think it’s a balance that doesn’t always have to be equal. 9-5, you work and your partner keeps your baby alive, outside of those hours you share childcare, chores and leisure time. Going to work, doesn’t mean not having to be an adult when you get home and do chores. Staying at home with a baby is not easy, there will never be a solid 30 mins in the day where you can concentrate on something other than the baby, there’s always interruptions, even if the baby naps. Be kind to each other, this period is tough, work together not against each other.

I had twins. They rarely napped at the same time, day and night. If I wasn’t dressed by the time my husband left for work, on a bad day, I struggled to find time to dress. I lost so much weight as taking them for walks in the double buggy saved my sanity.

You know nothing about any other woman's situation either, and yet you seem to imply that just because it was possible for you to keep everything perfect with a newborn around, it should be possible for everyone else. That's pretty judgy.

I'm just telling you that for many women, it wasn't possible, including me. It wasn't that I didn't care or wouldn't try. I tried. I felt horribly guilty that I couldn't cook or clean, that the house was mostly a mess. But it just wasn't possible.

People have different experiences.

Of course the person at home should do housework around the babys needs, might not be perfect but keeping things up together is reasonable expectation.

Is it early days/weeks and does baby sleep alot? I didn't get anything dome for the first 3 months as my first born had reflux. First weeks were a hard, he only slept when held, thankfully I had a brilliant HV come round to see us, without asking she recognised the issues we had and recommended treatment. Before her visit I struggled to get changed let alone clean the house or feed myself (that post baby weight fell off!). Luckily for us, reflux and colic started improving after3-4 months so started to be able to get some things done.

Yes it is like a full time job. But alongside my full time job I have to do house chores...🤷‍♀️
If we all did nothing using the "but I work full time" or "having a baby is a full time job" as the excuse then no one would do anything.

Well you know nothing about my situation, lucky you.

But shit has to get done... It's life. And if you read right I did say I get babies take up time then used the word "most" rather than "all" but then if you read it right you couldn't have jumped up with your irrelevant come back could you.

Seriously my post isn't intended as a shot or to be offensive so stop trying to find offense in it, perhaps you see yourself in it who knows but either way not my issue.

Looking after a baby is a full time
job, it’s not a relaxing holiday. So when you say you work full time, so does your partner keeping a literal human alive. Not sure about the temperament of your baby but many babies won’t nap in the crib easily so it is hard to put the baby down and get chores done. Sure on a good day you might manage a bit of the basics. But you should be helping with a large chunk of stuff when you get home and at the weekends, yes.

Keeping on top of the chores is a great way to support your partners recovery post partum, again not sure if they are breastfeeding but that’s also a full time hard often relentless job, with no pay. I know I sound blunt here I know it’s hard and you’re tired after work too, but you should do your best to step up for your partner in this way. It’s a short period in the grand scheme of life.

She should learn how to tie the baby onto her back. There's a reason women in traditional cultures do this and it's not because they don't know any better!

They ?? Does the baby sleep well ? Do you get up in the night ? Does your partner have Dee time ? Do you do housework while you’re looking after the baby?

Babies are different and some are higher needs than others. Sounds like you had an easier time of it than some. Lucky you.

Having a tiny baby consumes a great deal of time and energy. I couldn't put my daughter down or leave her anywhere for the first few months, she would cry and scream if I went away but was perfectly calm if I held/fed her. She fed 6 times a night and I dealt with all the night wakings so when she napped, I napped. I couldn't even go to the toilet without holding her. Showers were 30 seconds long. On a lot of days, it was difficult to even manage to get dressed.
Yes, YABU.

Take a few days off and have the baby on your own for a while. Come back and report your findings.

I would like to know this. Yet it still is nowhere near the same. He didn’t go through pregnancy, his body isn’t in recovery from child birth, can’t breast feed and therefore looking after a baby for a day should in comparison be a doddle.

My partner and I both work full time and contribute to doing stuff at home. Same for maternity leave. I looked after the baby and still did stuff at home just like I do when working and the other half contributed when they were home.

I could not imagine being home all day and doing nothing around the house. I get babies can take up time but mostly people get times they can do stuff just like when we work and come home we have to do stuff.

Seems odd to me as are all those who spend absolutely every minute tending to the baby and doing nothing else but then I never allowed my life to be that I guess. We are all different but both adults should be contributing to household chores. A baby isn't a terminal illness or a disability it absolutely is possible to function around one.

I think you have to look at how much house work you get done when you’ve had the baby all day alone. That will be a clear measure to you of what’s reasonable.

Are you planning to take parental leave alone when she’s back at work/as a split?

Do you honestly think she’s being lazy and just doing nothing housework wise, or could it be that she’s in the trenches with looking after the baby or exhausted from being up in the night? I don’t know the answer but you should or will if you walk a day in her shoes to find out - it would be simple for you to do that over say a weekend, there’s a bank holiday coming up.

When the babies were very new they took up most of my time, but by the time they were three months old I had plenty of time to do basic housework - hoovering, laundry, loading the dishwasher, cooking. To some extent it depends on the baby. My first was incredibly needy, didn't sleep, and screamed a LOT if he wasn't contact with me and in motion. I learned how to tie him onto my back, and then with 2 hands free I was able to get on with things. It felt good to regain some normality.

If your wife is full time caring for your child, you are full time earning a living to support all three of you.

Yeah right - if you say so, it must be true.

Utter bollocks

I had 2 babies 14 months apart and they both had colic. Try that on for size and see much precious housework you get done while they 'nap' - clue NONE.

Fortunately for me I didn't marry an arsehole and he could understand without anyone spelling it out that it was hard work. He would help with stuff the moment he walked in, and certainly did not whinge about the house not being tidy.

I assume these are both men who never looked after the baby alone.

Nice to be you then.

Some babies need a lot of attention/distraction/care. Not everyone's life is the same.

OP you haven't answered the question about how often you've looked after the baby for a whole day and whether the house is spotless or not at the end of the day?

OP be more specific. How old is baby? What's baby's temporament? How often have you cared for your baby alone? Do you give your DW any completely uninterupted free time during the evenings or weekends and visa versa? What exactly is DW not doing that his lordship requires done? If you skirt around these questions then people will assume that it's because you lack the cognition or empathy to put yourself in your wife's or your baby's shoes and consider these things or worse you have considered these things and realise how self-indulged you're being but don't care. All you're posting is rage bait if you won't justify yourself.

Do you know how hard it is to look after a baby all day every day and still look after yourself? Some days I don’t even remember to brush my teeth or have a drink of water. My baby is 12 weeks old and we’ve had a cleaner since 8 weeks PP, and she’s a relatively easy baby compared to most. Before baby came along my house was a show home, in those 8 weeks PP I probably gave the toilet a wipe over once, hence hiring a cleaner. You should pick up the slack when you get in from work, if she has to work 24/7, so do you.

Your poor partner, she can do so much better.