AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

@Cljw What are your standards? I mean I have always done everything at home as a sahm but it's OK and far from perfect cleaning. My focus was my children and they were perfectly tended to. But I did laundry, cooking and some cleaning as well during the day if I had time.

Laundry and washing up are simple things and things that need to be done.

Don't know what your baby is like, but if very young then although it sleeps a lot your wife might still be in recovery.
Even a good baby will have days when you literally can't get a thing done.
But if she's planning on returning to work she's probably going to have to up her game, it'll just get harder.

Some babies are complete time sponges and it's not possible to get stuff done. Other babies are easy.
Some people find this stage hard, others difficult.
Your partner is struggling. Rather than criticism, she needs your support.
You two won't always be in the trenches if looking after babies but she will remember always how you treat her now.

What housework should she be doing?

Yeah no.

Try looking after a baby full time for two weeks and come back and tell us how much cleaning you got done.

I don't understand why you are doing housework when you get home rather than spending time with your baby. If you do that your partner will be able to clear up things from the day then surely?

But they are not "out of the house", and on wfh threads there is generally a consensus that the wfh person could manage quick jobs like wiping down surfaces, putting on a load of washing, loading or unloading the dishwasher etc. - at least some of the time.

(I don't necessarily agree with that consensus by the way as my wfh have generally been non stop, but if you are going to make "caring for baby" equivalent to a paid job, then you should use a true equivalence).

You’ve put there that they should do light housework - laundry and cleaning.

OPs wife isn’t doing those things, that is the issue.

I don’t believe he’s expecting her to be on her hands and knees scrubbing but as you’ve said, she should be doing some housework.

I actually have a different perspective on this. If OP's partner has a young/clingy/high needs/non napping baby, then they may well not have a huge amount of time to get on with household jobs. But, if that is the case and, especially if they are breastfeeding, then I'd suggest the priority when OP gets home from work is for OP to take over the childcaring - partly to give their partner a break, and partly to enable them to bond with the child. Then, partner can either get on with housework (a change being as good as a rest) or have a literal rest if they haven't had one all day.

What 'few bits' in addition to the child care bits below, would you like her to do?

Daily Baby Care Routine
Feeding: Breast or formula feed every 2-3 hours, or on demand.
Nappy: Change nappy frequently (often 10-12 times a day) to prevent nappy rash.
Tummy Time: Perform 2-3 short, supervised sessions daily to strengthen neck and shoulder muscles.
Skin-to-Skin/Cuddles: Promote bonding and calm a fussy baby.
Sleep/Naps: Offer naps in a cradle (dark, quiet room) with white noise to encourage a consistent sleep cycle.
Hygiene: Check baby’s skin, clean with warm water during changes, and apply barrier cream.
Sensory Play/Bonding: Sing nursery rhymes, read books, or use sensory materials like crinkly toys.

Daily Parental Tasks & Self-Care
Prepare Feeding Stations: Sterilise bottles and prepare formula, or ensure nursing pads/creams are ready.
Light Housework: Manage daily laundry (especially baby clothes/muslins) and quick cleaning.
Get Outside: Take a walk, even just for 15-20 minutes, for fresh air and Vitamin D.
Prioritize Rest: Utilize the "sleep when the baby sleeps" approach to manage fatigue.

Weekly/As-Needed Tasks
Bath Time: 2-3 times per week is sufficient to avoid drying out newborn skin.
Nail Care: Trim nails while sleeping as they grow rapidly.
Restock Supplies: Ensure nappies, wipes, and laundry detergent are fully stocked.

Oh just muck in and help, stop behaving like a spoiled brat. Yep, it's annoying when get home from work but it's not forever. Just be a team, that's what you're supposed to be, not having a pissing competition of who did what when you've a young baby.

Worth bearing in mind that maternity leave is how inequalities in relationships become embedded.

The mother does the bulk of the childcare and the housework and then, when she goes back to work, this situation continues unchanged because her partner has become used to a situation where all he has to do is go to work.

You’re brave 😂

YANBU. It’s very childish and petty to make a point of not throwing a wash on, washing up etc when you are physically in the house on mat leave.

There is time. You can wear a baby to have your hands free or pop them in a bouncer chair near you. Prioritising regular nap routines also frees up more than enough time for housework.

I took mine to groups, but not everyday. Housework, gardening and weekly food shop all easily ticked off, along with admin & DIY. Still did all this with my second as a newborn and my son aged 2 with us full time and potty training.

It’s all about systems, discipline, and quite frankly, not being lazy.

..when i voice my feelings regarding this, i get the 'im looking after our child, i dont have time to do any of that.' So AIBU to ask her to do some housework?

”voice my feelings” Start right there with your feelings of grievance. Have a think why you’ve come running to MN for validation, instead of talking it through and working something out. You’re wanting people to tell you you’re hard done by and in the right. That’s not teamwork and that’s not how a happy long term relationship works.

Put yourself in her place. What would she say?

This isn’t a zero sum game and you’re both tired.

All these comments about the woman being off to look after the baby. Yes thats part of it but you can still do jobs in the house. You dont look after your baby every minute of the day.
I like a neat and tidy house and if you keep on top of things it stays that way and makes your life easier.
I'd vac whilst the baby slept or jump in the shower. Its easier to stick the washer on at anytime. Personally I dont think its that difficult and he isnt asking too much. It doesn't have to be prestine but it can be tidy. For reference I had a perfect baby and then a nightmare baby so it certainly wasn't plain sailing. But my life didn't stop because I had babies

How old is the baby? There's a difference between 2 months old and a nearly 1 year old. Is your wife doing all the night feeds? How much sleep is your wife actually getting? The line 'sleep when baby sleeps' is a great one if the baby actually sleeps! I was an exhausted zombie, with an exclusively breast fed son (who refused bottles) and didn't sleep much during the night or day for about 6 months. My husband worked full-time, couldn't help with night feeds anyway as I breast fed, so I did all the night feeds.

Your wife is looking after your child on her maternity leave. She may be struggling to manage the baby and chores all at the same time. Routine takes time to develop and sometimes it can be hard to find the time to eat or shower, let alone stick a load of laundry on! Yes, you might need to take up some of that slack at the moment. Ask her how she's feeling and how her day is going. You might find she feels overwhelmed and isn't coping..

And how much much housework do you get done when working?

Thought so.

You have a grown up conversation about who does what and when. Accept there will be some days that are harder than others and work together.

My DC is nearly 4 now and life is far easier. But if I could have my mat leave again, I 100% would not drive myself into the ground trying to clean the house during nap time for 2 reasons.

1. Not prioritising myself in those windows did not help my PPD recovery and I should have rested more.
2. Guess what, the house gets dirty again anyway. The pots need washing again. The clothes get milk and poop on them again.

It depends on how old the baby is.

If they’ve only been home a few days then they’re still adjusting but after that then they absolutely should be doing housework.

It obviously won’t be the standard that it was before having the baby but yes things still need to get done.

Agreed. I was hardly housewife extraordinaire but I was able to do the basics when I was on mat leave. Part of looking after a baby is making sure it has a clean and safe home environment to live in.

Sounds like there might be an adult baby in the house, as well as an actual baby

I did nearly all of the housework until I went back to work with school age kids. My dh works long days and nobody looks after their baby every second of the day (does the baby not sleep, have a playmat, bouncer chair for her to tidy up, run the hoover round?). How does she hang the washing out or make meals?

I consider myself incredibly lucky I got to stay at home whilst my partner worked his socks off at work. I considered it my job to look after our children and the home (SAHM is most definately a job and I never stopped every day).

My house was spotless. But then, my mum
moved in for a year after dd was born

would you prefer that, OP?

I think this is a reverse. If not, then please catch a grip OP!!