AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

You haven't said how old the baby is. All babies are different. Mine were easy and could just be put down and be happy. Some are velcro babies that can't be put down at all after feeding or to nap. Some cry a lot. Are they doing all the nights as well they are probably exhausted. Have you sat down and asked if they are struggling. Could they be suffering have post natal depression.

Why don't you offer to take the baby for a while?

What works for us is I cook and clean while hubby has baby because she won't nap unless we're out or she's being held.

Babies are hardwork, work together. We do the majority of the housework on weekends when we're both around.

Sounds like things were quite straightforward for you. You are aware women are not a monolith aren't you? That some women find it much harder than others for very valid reasons? You sound like you're going to be one of the mils we read about on here.

I'm stitching you a rosette as I type.

What so you're having to do some housework OP AND work all day while she just looks after a baby?!
And there's you with a ready made slave yet you're still expected to wash some clothes, wash dishes etc.
She's clearly taking the piss.

YABU.

It doesn't look like you've answered any of the questions, OP? How old is the baby? How does baby sleep at night and who gets up in the night if the baby needs feeding/changing? How was the birth, was it a C-section, is baby fussy/clingy?
If it's your first baby it's a big big change and a lot to get used to, especially if baby is still very young and/or breastfeeding. Even if baby is older, housework/cooking/chores should be 50/50. Maternity leave is not cooking/cleaning leave.

I voted YANBU to expect a few things to be done, some of the time, but she shouldn’t be expected to the majority of the housework/cooking as she probably already works more hours than you. YABU if you expect her to do most of the housework/laundry/cooking most of the time.

It’s Saturday morning, they will be down on their hands and knees, marigolds on scrubbing round the toilet before nipping out to the garden to hang up the second wash of the day to dry and bring in the first wash to sort, fold, and put away. Get a move on, there’s still the sitting room to dust and hoover/ mop and the stairs to do. And oh, while you are in the garden could you give the garden furniture a quick wipe down, looks as though it’s going to be a sunny afternoon.

As others have said, it depends on the mess. If you’re talking about toys and clothes dotted around and not actual dirt I.e a huge pile of washing up, dirty floors, overflowing bin then it really doesn’t matter too much. She should help you tidy when you get home for sure. It’s just more important to some people than others. Maybe she’s depressed and struggling as well?

Oh well you really are the golden girl then aren't you.

I looked after 3 children and did everything as my husband worked full time. This is just an excuse!

If it's a baby, then YABU. Babies are exhausting - boring yet completely restrictive. They howl, they feed for hours, the minute you try to do something that doesn't involve holding them they howl again. And this is on top of being awake half the night with the baby, and feeling exhausted during the day. That was my experience anyway! If you think otherwise, tell your partner to go out for the day while you look after the baby, and see how you manage.

Why would the room be messy though if the child is a baby?

Many years ago, with my first baby, I kept a tidy house, cooked, all my chores were up to date and my baby was an awful one that never slept, day or night and breast fed every twenty minutes for weeks and weeks.

I was a wreck, I have never been as thin, looked hagged, was depressed, never ate, never slept, ran on adrenaline and coffee, and felt a failure. I couldn’t wait for maternity leave to end to go back to work from it all.

The second time around, I let it all go, I was a lot happier. I could not do it all and neither can she.

Depends on the baby. My first screamed every time he was put down and needed feeding what felt like continuously.
My second spent a huge amount of the day sleeping.

I would have had loads of time to myself when my second was a baby if she'd been my only child.

It says light housework ref the baby really like babies laundry and cleaning- it's not talking about a deep clean or everyone else's laundry. Just making sure you and baby have clean clothes, making sure you're not sitting in an unhygienic hovel. We don't know what OP is suggesting as he hasn;t really said..

It's awful how many have commented about what she should be doing without even caring to find out how old the baby is and without apparent concern for whether she's doing ok mentally or not.

OP you can you 'expect' all you like, but doesn't mean she has to do it just because you said so.

ETA: Sorry, didn't mean to quote that post but it won't let me delete.

A person at home with a baby has literally zero time to themselves.

Completely depends on the baby, and also the mum (to a degree) I remember someone saying to me “they say sleep when the baby sleeps but it’s not that simple is it?” For me it completely was 😂😂😂 we (me and DD) would both nap, her in a Moses basket and me on the sofa and I had no issue dropping off 💤. She was also a very easy baby though, slept through fairly early and rarely had times when she would just cry and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Suppose it depends on how much housework is getting missed too, if you’re running out of clean underwear maybe you should have a chat and figure out a plan for how you both keep on top of things.

In hindsight my ExHB was a bit of a prick though, so please don’t be that person. He never once did nighttime feeds or nappy changes, and I can remember sitting on the floor in DD’s room cradling her when she was teething when I’d got work the next morning, him sound asleep in the next room. When I went back to work part time he would come home on my days off and start stroppily rearranging her toys or the way I’d loaded the dishwasher, because he was mad at me for getting to stay home sometimes stressed.

Its hard. Harder than you could imagine. You work, she looks after the baby. When you finish work then what's left is for you both to share. Housework, cooking, cleaning. Take it in turns to look after the baby and each do your fair share of household tasks. A baby is a full time job.

Have you ever spent a couple of days alone with the baby? Did you get much housework done on those days? How is your wife sleeping at night?

All babies are different. Personally I found it hard to get anything done when mine were babies, because they screamed if they were put down. Then I had about a month of respite where they started being able to enjoy their floor mat but couldn’t move, so I could let them play for a bit while I got things done. Then they began to get mobile and so I couldn’t leave them unattended for more than a few seconds, and housework got even harder then (for example, if I opened the toy chest to tidy things away, they’d shuffle over and start chucking things out. And I couldn’t do anything remotely hazardous). I found cooking to be ok with a baby on my hip, but tidying things off the floor was very physically hard due to the bending down (made harder by the fact my core strength was virtually destroyed by pregnancy and c-section). Then there were the days when you’re just absolutely exhausted. And the days where the baby seems to breastfeed non stop. And the days where it seems like as soon as you’ve fed baby, burped and changed nappy, it’s time to start all over again. Or you spend 20 minutes gathering up your stuff and getting dressed to leave the house, and a poonami happens, and by time you’ve finished cleaning it up, it’s time for another feed!

All this is to say, if your wife was a bit lazy before having a baby, then you knew what you were getting into. And if she wasn’t, then it’s EXTREMELY unlikely she’s suddenly turned lazy. If she tells you she hasn’t got time, and/or she’s to exhausted to do housework, then you should just believe her if you actually love her.

It doesn’t matter if other people on here managed to keep their houses spotless. Maybe their babies slept better. Maybe pregnancy and childbirth didn’t hit them as hard physically. Maybe their babies were more placid. Maybe they bottle fed, and therefore had 3 hours between feeds rather than the 45 minutes you get sometimes when breastfeeding. None of it matters. Don’t accuse your wife of being lazy or she’ll be end up divorcing you

It depends what you and she priorities.
When I was on maternity leave my husband and I prioritised baby's needs, then my wellbeing. If there was time left over then there might be time for some housework but that was the lowest priority and often got left.
Between the 2 of us, we did a basic clean and tidy at the end of the day.

I have no time for the judgement of someone who kept on top of everything because they weren't me with my baby. If my baby had a nap, so did I, I didn't hoover.

If she is doing nothing at all that is definitely unreasonable and lazy. Unless the baby is only a few weeks old every woman should be capable of giving a room a quick tidy . To say otherwise makes us seem helpless and hopeless.
If she has two other toddlers cut the keeping a room tidy just hope they are fed!

Is this related to the recent thread where the woman’s husband came home and ran his finger along high up surfaces looking for dust?

Agree with pp - be a team. No one here can say what she should or shouldn’t be doing as we don’t have all the details and each circumstance is unique.

A person at home with a baby has less time to herself than a person working full time and commuting?

Bizarre.