AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

Well if reform get in, in the future then maternity leave probably won't be a thing anymore it will be like the U.S unpaid and you go back to work after a couple of weeks

All the people saying he's not wrong to expect it despite not knowing anything at all about how the postpartum period has been or if she's sleeping or what age the baby is, what do you think the OP should do? He's already brought up the subject and she said she doesn't have time, so what's next?

get a cleaner

Reason 4,000,000 why i hated mat leave

Depends on baby s needs what sort of day it’s been if she hasn’t slept for a single night since birth hoovering a whole house is going to seem exhausting. Looking after the baby is a really hard task.
Hire a cleaner for 6 months even monthly if it bothers you.

Single parents do, they have to.. But this person is not a single parent. OP hasn't given enough detail to let us assess whether he's BU or not. I expect he is but we don't have enough info.

Speaking as someone whose children are now adults, I think it is ridiculous to be mopping floors and cleaning fridges rather than spend time with your baby.

Some people are so lazy, I have a SAHM friend who has the messiest, dirtiest house I’ve ever seen, think food dripping down counters, manky sofa, she gets annoyed if her dh who works 50 hours a week suggests she do some cleaning or cooking diring toddlers nap time.

No you’re not BU at all, she should be cleaning up after herself, put baby in sling and clean/ cook, I wouldn’t expect deep cleaning but get up off bum and do what needs doing. My baby was Velcro and I had a rota on mat leave, one day I mopped, one day I cleaned fridge. I still went out to baby groups etc, I wasn’t in all day cleaning. You can’t be expected to do everything when you get in from work.

Your partner is pouring all her Love and Care into the Baby. Even though she's recuperating after having her body and private parts ripped apart from growing and delivering a Human Baby.
When the baby grows up, he or she will benefit from this Love and be a Well - Adjusted, Successful Member of Society.
I'm sorry to have to explain this to you.
YOU ,on the other hand NEED A GOOD HIDING. You ungrateful twat.

How is your wife’s mental health generally? How was birth/recovery? Is she enjoying motherhood? How is your baby’s sleep and general temperament? How did you split housework when you both worked? Have you taken on/dropped responsibilities now she’s at home? I would want to know all of those things before answering whether she should be doing more housework!

She should wash up the dishes from her lunch but if there is no time that would be done when OP is home and spending time with their baby. Probably easy to put a wash in too but again easy to do when OP is home. He is clearly expecting more than that or it wouldn't be a big deal.

For all you know the baby is a difficult baby, the mother is getting hardly any sleep and could be recovering from a difficult child birth, perhaps she's struggling mentally also. You know none of these things but it doesn't matter does it?

Good for you. My first baby enjoyed being in her wrap, although I still struggled to do housework with her in the sling, as she was heavy and I had virtually zero core strength after pregnancy, so I found it exhausting carrying her around all day, especially anything that required bending or kneeling (loading the dishwasher, laundry, tidying the floor…) And my second screamed if I put her in the sling. She had to be held in a very particular position on my left hip, facing outwards. I could do most things in that position, but it was undoubtedly several times more tiring than doing them without a baby on my hip.

How many times have you single -handedly looked after the baby ( all feeds/ night feeds/ cuddles/ nappy changes/ waking activities/ settling to sleep/ bath times/ reading) throughout a 24 hour period, while also recovering from major body transformations or surgery?

How many housework ‘bits’ did you get done at the same time?

This, babies vary massively, as does the mothers health post delivery, level of sleep deprivation etc.

DS slept relatively well, but fed constantly in the day, it was hard to get myself lunch some days between feeds, let alone do much else.

I also had blood pressure issues and the medication made me feel really ill. I tried to time the medication to reduce the amount of time I was alone with DS while it had it's worst effect, but that obviously meant DH had to do more at those times.

Fortunately DH & my parents had largely sorted out the house in the two weeks DS & I were in hospital so everything started off tidy.

LOL. Tell me you've never given birth and cared for a small baby without telling me you've never done that.

Some of my days on mat leave I had to wait for my DH to come home so I could fucking SHOWER.

It's called maternity leave not fucking cleaning maid leave.

Presumably you want her to get down on her knees and give you a nice blow job/oral sex if you're also a woman?

I did NOT spend my mat leave cleaning and cooking. I spent it recovering from the most horrific 9 months of my life and caring for a reflux non-sleeping baby 24/7.

Go mop a floor.

I’m on mat leave (also have a 4yo), I pretty much always get the standard jobs done - tidy kitchen, hoover, laundry, cook dinner. I rarely get time to also do any extra jobs (like a deep clean). But my baby is fairly happy to entertain herself on her playmat for parts of the day, and my 4yo is quite good at entertaining himself. If she were a Velcro baby it would be much harder!

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect her to do some housework during the day. She can’t expect you to work full time, do virtually all the housework and cook the meals whilst she only looks after a baby. Sure, she can’t be expected to have the house spotless and a 3 course meal every night, but she can do some basic tidying, do some of the laundry etc. And yes, some days she will get more done than others depending on how things are- but, generally, she ought not to expect you to do everything and work full time.

I don’t buy all the excuses that she cannot be expected to anything other than look after the baby. It’s nonsense- even with a fussy baby, you can do something most days- even if it’s just putting on the laundry. I had a colicky baby during lambing/calving season and I had to do most of it myself-especially overnight- out of necessity. I managed to do the basics, even if sometimes it was quite tiring.

I think you are unreasonable to expect that your partner does housework whilst on Mat Leave, although it’s ok to hope she might be able to get some basic jobs done sometimes.

I had relatively short Mat Leave with my children. I made it clear to DH from the outset that I was at home to look after the baby, and attend to all their needs. As they were both EBF and I did all their night feeds I was pretty tired during the day. I am not a catnapper so sleep during the day was not possible.

I did manage to do some general housework, but he was very much aware to regard this as a bonus on a good day rather than expect it as the norm.

I felt that I had to set boundaries as I didn’t want the majority of housework to somehow become my sole responsibility, as it would have been difficult to readdress the balance when I returned to work.

No one has mentioned anything about a deep clean.

OP has said she is not doing anything at all and that he’s got to clean up her mess and do all of the washing and cooking etc.

If the baby is more than a few days old, then there is no excuse for her to not wash the dishes or put a load of laundry on.

Single parents manage to do it.

You could volunteer to take the child while she clears up as that gives you both time with the child so is fairer

but yes workload goes up with children and some days doing anything just isn’t possible

It literally was that for me when DH was away. My priorities were keeping DD fed (exclusive expressing is the best and worst of both worlds) and making sure I had enough sleep each 24 hours to take care of her, drive safely and maintain some sort of interaction with others. I had no local support for 75% of the week. I also had significant birth injuries and was on daily anti-clotting injections so needed energy to heal.

So no, dusting and hoovering weren’t even on my list of things to do. Had DH just been working a 9-5 it would all have been a doddle.

It very much depends on the health of the mother and the personality of the baby.

After having DD I was in agony from a forceps delivery, tear, episostomy and then I threw my back out as ‘D’H did fuck all on pat leave so I had zero chance to recover from the birth and rest.

DD was a Velcro baby. I couldn’t even put her down to go to the toilet. I had to take her to the toilet with me and pull down my knickers with the other hand. I would make instant porridge for breakfast and pour hot water into a mug. 50% of the time by the time I actually managed to eat my breakfast it was cold and almost lunch time. DD refused to nap during the day and also screamed when I put her in the sling so it was nearly impossible to get anything done. I had to take her out for a long drive every day to get her to nap. If I managed to eat one meal (e.g. porridge or a sandwich) plus load the dishwasher that was a good day.

Fast forward 2 years. I had an easy delivery with DS and wasn’t in pain after. Bf well and napped well. I could even put him down for 1 minute to go to the loo or put the kettle on. Looking after two children was much easier. However, I had to make meals for me and DD. Clean up, bf DS, change DS nappy, change DD nappy, deal with a poonami. I would also take them both out for some fresh air every day to the park, forest, playground, beach, etc. So although more housework was done it wasn’t loads of house work (but I could put a load of washing on, load dishwasher, quick tidy up, wipe kitchen, etc) as my priority was looking after a newborn and a two year old.

Are there any age or post birth complications affecting your partner physically, or with the baby (reflux/ sleep patterns not established?) I would suggest there is an overwhelming sense of responsibility for caring for the newborn and also a new family routine that needs to become established.

Personally achievement for first few months was baby, personal health, daily walk out side with baby (usually baby sleeps)& washing kept on top of - we used modern cloth nappies vs disposable (more economical) dinner prepared & ready for evening and quick tidy up so everyone had clean clothes.

my DH would come home - help with bath or bedtime and we would both have a short relax together before night feeds etc. You need to have some open discussion and see both perspectives.
maybe you take baby for 24 hrs and let your partner go out to work part time.