To ask if you believe that as a grandparent, you should be responsible if your teenager had a baby but then refused to take care of it?

Only if you wanted to/had the health to manage. But ultimately it’s the parents responsibility to raise the baby. If they don’t want to and no family wants to then the baby would need to be adopted.

This would, as usual, fall to grandmothers. Not grandfathers

Why would you? After all it's not the grandparents child, as pointed out about 1000 times in the other thread about grandparents knowing their plave

I agree with you on this. My son has learning difficulties and I feel like I'll be caring for him forever. There is not a chance in hell that I would take another child on.

kids sharing rooms is a pathetic excuse to let your niece / nephew go into care

Consideration for what it will do to your own child is not a "pathetic excuse".

I know of a family who had a troubled DD. They, retired age, took the first two but couldn’t take the last two so they were adopted. It broke their hearts but they just didn’t have the energy.

I would step in, yes.

In a previous life i worked with children in care, and there were many wonderful committed foster parents. But if I were in that situation I would personally do my utmost to keep my grandchild with me. It simply wasn't possible for some, no matter how much they wanted to. But we are solvent, have time and space and it would be easier for us than many.

I absolutely would not, and this is something that may be quite real possibility for us.

Son with severe mental health issues and neurodivergence who gravitates to girls with the same issues or worse. Raising him was truly hell on earth - I love him to death but I don’t know how I actually survived his childhood. He constantly makes poor choices even now, and takes no responsibility for his actions. He’s had all the help money can buy, and all the love and support in the world and it’s made no difference.

These conditions are genetic, the chances of him having a child without similar issues is slim to none. Even less likely if the mother has her own issues.

We are completely in agreement that no matter what, we will not play any part in helping to raise a future hypothetical child, beyond keeping in contact as grandparents. It’s not something I’m willing or able to do a second round of.

This is a bit silly. Not everyone is close to every member of their family, or to nieces/nephews.

I have a feckless BIL who we've been pretty much no contact with for over a decade, but who has had a habit of impregnating drug addicted, alcoholic women, whose children have frequently ended up in the care of their families either temporarily or permanently. If their families hadn't been able to take the children, I would've felt no obligation whatsoever to step up - and what, would we be expected to take in as many as eight children that we'd never even met before? Ridiculous!

As for OP's post, and grandparents - I don't think grandparents should be held responsible. Why would they be? I think many will want to raise the child and step up to do so, which is great, but that's not always possible - and it's not always for the best, either.

Well, no, it’s not your responsibility, no. But if my child had a baby as a teenager and was unable to care for that baby, I’d find it very difficult to just turn my back and walk away. I would want to give that baby a good life. That said, health wise, I’m not sure I physically could - I may not live to see my own kids reach 18. But all other things being well, I wouldn’t want that baby going into care. That doesn’t mean it’s my responsibility, but it doesn’t have to be your responsibility to be the right thing to do.

Too many variables.

i am very severely disabled and can’t take care of myself much less a baby.

Thank goodness I haven’t had to face this, But if ds had got his girlfriend pregnant and they were not able to look after the child, then yes I would 100% take it on rather than it going into care. It happened twice in my family with 16 year old boys becoming fathers. In one case the grandparents certainly took on the full role for the full upbringing, the other one less so as the mother was able to grow into the child’s needs. I would have been horrified though, and like a pp would have doubted my own parenting.

I don't think they are obliged to, though I imagine the vast majority of grandmothers would and far fewer grandfathers.

What do you mean? Are baby's needs being neglected?

I think most of the time the grandparent should step in. I certainly would.

That instinct presumably applies to their child, the teen parent though, and it may not be possible to care for both. If a teen has a baby and can't care for it they likely have other issues going on. Often issues that said grandparent has been supporting them with throughout their childhood/teens and is their only real support network and advocate. If they take on care of the grandchild they would likely have to step back from the teen.

I had my first son at 16. He is 33 this Autumn. My mum was very against me continuing with the pregnancy when I told her at 9wks. However, she soon became a doting grandmother. She was only 39 when he was born, and my dad 46. Yes absolutely they’d have taken him on it I’d have said I couldn’t look after him.

My DD (my youngest) is 18. I’ve been parenting for 33yrs now, and yesterday finally finished the school run (bar exams) after 29yrs. Would I want to start again with a grandchild? No, but would I see my grandchild go into care, also no. My brother and his 2nd wife had a late in life child and i’ve often thought if anything ever happened to them, it would probably be me who would have to take him in, as my mother couldn’t cope. Would I want to? Absolutely not, but i’d never see a close family member go into the care system, I just couldn’t live with myself.

Thankfully right now DD is not interested in boys, and is a home bod. I think my first grandchild will come from DS2 and his lovely gf, but I hope not for 5yrs or so!

If my dd was in that situation I would do anything to support her and to ensure that it didn’t ruin her chances of fulfilling her potential.

I don’t pass judgement on anyone else. However, I would always want to keep children in the family. I would never ever want a child to end up in care. That also translates for nieces and nephews (including in-law).

But it’s probably easier for me to imagine probably because I had my children quite young, and so may be a younger grandparent. If you were 70+ then the challenges are different.

If this scenario my teen has to get pregnant, decide to become a parent instead of terminating the pregnancy, and then doesn’t meet her obligations?

I would have failed as a parent in so many ways that I would be doubting my ability to raise another child. I still would be extremely hesitant to let a grandchild enter the care system.

Of course they are old enough, but what if they don't? You can't force them to be responsible, even if they are old enough..

In that case if it comes down to the child being taken into care vs the grandparents.

Personally, I would hope (and I think this is very much the case already) that most grandparents, unless they are disabled or have another mitigating factor, would rather look after a family member than let them go into care.

Should they have to? No.. but will they? I think most will, not because of fairness but because most of us have empathy/compassion, especially towards our family. Not for the teenager, but for the baby.

So a grandparent could be in their 30s with full time jobs and bills to pay to keep everyone fed and housed so sure love sounds all good in fairy land but in the real world if teenagers are old enough to have unprotected sex, no contraception does not fail as much as people try and make out especially with multiple forms used, they are old enough to take responsibility

Yes that's what I would have done, at great personal cost. I don't know about 'should' though or how anyone could be compelled to do it if they didn't want to.

It is unreasonable to think there is one blanket answer.

Teenagers have babies for many reasons - a desire for love that they were denied at home, carelessness, ignorance, or because they genuinely want a child and have matured early are just a few.

A grandparent should only step up if they have the energy, the resources and they genuinely want and love that child. What is best for the child comes first and being raised by a resentful grandparent would be miserable life.

This is what I think.

Essentially, yes, it is the responsibility of family to to step up. Who else would be respondibl

Now if that isn't possible, safe, whatever, than other arrangements will have to be made. There would still be a duty of love and care however.