To ask if you believe that as a grandparent, you should be responsible if your teenager had a baby but then refused to take care of it?

So you think that someone who neglected their own child should then be expected to go on and parent their grandchild? Even though they are already known to be a neglectful parent? Hardly putting the needs of the child first.

I don’t think anyone can say unless they are in that position, I know a few examples of this happening.

Too many variables.

You need to bear in mind that just because someone became a parent once, there’s nothing to say that they were a good parent, and even if they were, their current circumstances may now mean it would not be possible for them to parent a very young child.

There is a reason that social services make an assessment of any possible family members before a child is placed in their care, should the child’s birth parents be deemed unfit.

Yes this

Personally yes I would 100% but I don’t think people should be obliged to- it’s extremely personal and depends on personal circumstances.

Obligation? Absolutely not. Should they wish to and feel able to, completely up to them.

She was only 39 when he was born, and my dad 46. Yes absolutely they’d have taken him on it I’d have said I couldn’t look after him.

How would they have managed?

Full time childcare one (mum?) giving up work?

I don't think anyone is obligated to step in, but I would think less of a grandparent that allowed their grandchildren to go into care (unless they had a really good reason as to why it wasn't in the baby's best interest).

With a decent amount of people having children later in life it might be difficult to do. Taking on a baby in mid fifties would be difficult especially if you’ve to take care of them until they’re adults. But in reality it might be just support with the parents helping out too and eventually taking over. Difficult to say with a hypothetical

If a child became a teen parent and then had no sense of responsibility to look after the baby I’d consider that a failing on the part of the parent and so yes I believe as the grandparent the responsibility lies with you to look after the baby.

How can we vote if YABU or not when you haven’t said which side of fence you are on?

Irrespective of my medical history that would mean I wouldn’t be able to care for a child as they should be, I couldn’t afford to do so no matter how much I wanted to - we already have little spare money and definitely not enough to put a child in nursery so I could work, which we need me to do.

Who knows. I’d like to think that I’d step in. If I could not do that then I’d report my DD to social services suggesting that the baby is taking into state care.
I wouldn’t opt out and leave the child at risk.

In using the word ‘grandparent’ I would say yes. You take care of your grandchild.

What is the alternative?

If my child refused to have an abortion, I'd be making it very clear that they would be the parent and not me. If they refused to look after it, I would involve social services.

I'd also be wondering where I went wrong if my teenager not only got pregnant but then didn't have an abortion and also refused to take responsibility and look after the baby.

Honestly as that child unless you really want the child no. Don’t do it out of duty.

Because I lived that life where then one grandparent died then I was just an inconvenience a problem a person in the way of their new dating life. I left an empty house to go to school came home to an empty house with microwave pizza and chips for my food.

I’m no contact with the living grandparent I wished they had died rather than the other one. I’ll go to their funeral to make sure they are dead. That’s all.

No - I don't think grandparents SHOULD end up looking after the child. Absolutely not.

However, most grandparents, if they are able to, would take on the responsibility I think.

If I was in this position and had the capacity to do so I would. I don’t think it should be a blanket rule. Some teen mums have grown up in chaos and the family home would not be a good editor a baby.

I would really struggle with this as DH and I would
simply be too old. He will be in his mid sixties when our youngest is a mid/late teen. We are struggling already being older parents (both first time marriage/ first time parents). I would consider myself to have utterly failed my DD if she didn’t a) use contraception and b) choose termination under the age of 21.

Also if baby arrived and neither parent or family could cope then why not allow the baby to be adopted by a family who really wanted one.

I’m a single parent, have 2 boys age 11 and 8. If either of them had a baby in a few years, no I wouldn’t take it on full time. I feel like I’ve done my time bringing up kids, I’d help out when I could but I don’t want to raise another child on my own. but also financially I couldn’t afford to take on another child.

Teenager is too broad. Two of my friends got pregnant at 14 (both with adult men). We all accept that 14 is below the age of consent, children at this age are too young to be held to "if you were old enough to have sex..." because they weren't old enough. One of my friends her parents fully supported her. Baby was hers and she was mum, but they had her back and ensured she had an education and learned how to parent safely. She has a career, he's a grown adult in his 30s doing well. My other friend, her parents arranged for her to have a flat in a tower block miles away and cut her off. This was pre mobiles, I have no idea what happened.

My point is at 14, my child's bad choices remain my responsibility, less so at 18. I'd probably step in either way.

If a hypothetical teenage child had a baby at say 15 and the grandparent became the baby’s guardian, then the teenager went on to have baby after baby for the next few years, should the grandparent also take those children to live with them?

how selfish can people be having a child and expecting grandparents to look after it. So much contraception around .

After that horrible case of that baby, Preston, who was abused by his two adoptive parents, would you seriously want them to go into care with no say over who adopted the baby .

Obviously, there are many fantastic adoptive parents out there. In fact, I even know a few wonderful people who have adopted.