To ask if you believe that as a grandparent, you should be responsible if your teenager had a baby but then refused to take care of it?

Only if they forced the teenager to continue the pregnancy. Otherwise, I hope they could, but no expectation.

You can educate them all you like it doesn't mean they will take any notice.

How about the teenager whose told about contraception, mum takes her to the family planning clinic and reminds daily about taking the pill. If they then don't bother and get pregnant how is that the parents fault?

If they're children yes. There's a big difference between 14 and 19. Legally and morally.

If your 14 causes damage you are responsible, because they're your responsibility. You are responsible for the consequences of your child's actions. I do believe that parents of child criminals should be held responsible to a degree. If your 14 yo gets pregnant that's imo more your fault that theirs. They're kids, you either didn't protect them or didn't educate them or something but it's on you. So you should pick up the pieces.

If you 19 yo living 3 hours away at uni fucks up and gets pregnant. Or is living with their partner etc then no, they're an adult, just like if they smashed someone's window, you wouldn't be liable.

There’s a good chance taking on the baby would damage the relationship with your child. If I’m spending my fifties or sixties living a constrained life I didn’t ask for I’m not going to be too cordial when seeing my child and they’re telling me all about their weekend of leisure.

The question is far too wide to reduce to a "you should" or "you shouldn't" answer.
Not only is the age/health/financial situation/living situation etc etc of the grandparent relevant but also what do you even mean by "be responsible"?

For example, if your teenage son got a girl pregnant and she wanted to keep it but he refused to be involved, then "being responsible" would involve giving support to the mother of the baby, possibly at a distance to ensure that the feckless father couldn't induce more stress?
However if instead you are talking about having a teenage child who has returned to live at home with their baby and then dumped it on you while they go out clubbing, "being responsible" is presumably intended to mean "doing the hands-on childcare yourself"?

You should definitely "be responsible" around other people's babies wrt cutting up their grapes, always using a car seat and not letting them go near the pond unsupervised though....

I mean it depends, I’m 51 in good health married, enough money so I probably would (regardless if it was DS or DD’s baby) but in other circumstances I don’t think it would be in the baby’s best interest.

I don’t think there is any responsibility moral or otherwise no, because you had no choice or role in the situation. Plus some wouldn’t be able to give the baby a good life.

I know several women who have done this, but not 100% happily. They have seen it as their duty but understand it is not ideal for the child. But I don't think all grandparents should feel obliged. I probably would (feel obliged) but fortunately mine are all post 20 now (though not necessarily ready to be parents).

I’m so sorry that happened to you @chillpizza

If you genuinely don't have the capacity, then it is more responsible to admit that then to have the child live in an unsuitable environment where its needs cannot be met. That's the same wether you are a parent or grandparent

If the parent is unable to care for the child, the grandparent or other close family member would be the next best option. If all family member are also unable, then unrelated adoption would be the third choice.

Not sure how that is relevant?
The parent isn't parenting.

The question is whether the grandparent should feel obliged to take over and whether that is a good choice.
I would moot that someone late 50s or over may well be less suitable than adoption even if the late 50s person is a grandparent.

A colleague of mine ended up with their grandchild (sons child) and the grandchilds half sibling (Mums child with different Dad, no relation to my colleague). Social Work basically said the half sibling would go into care otherwise and she couldn't bear to split them up.

Surely everyone, who is financialy and physically able to would help a child.

I guess that post shows how much I am not over it.

If the parent is in a situation where they can't look after them due to addiction, serious mental illness (and the effects of the medication involved), criminal behaviour or abusive and violent relationships, they're more 'nearly dead' than a 50 year old who is still working fulltime and not doing the same sort of thing.

Honestly. I don’t know. I’m married I have children who are growing and I hope are happy.

But I cannot deny the hate and resentment runs deep even to this day. Can I be truely happy carrying this much hate? I don’t think so. I’m waiting till all my children are fully grown to ask for my full files. But this person my grandparent promised to raise me and protect me and love me and they failed me.

I don’t trust anyone. I don’t think anyone really loves me. I was sexually abused and groomed during my very low teenage years as I thought sex meant love. Even now married if we have a sexual low I assume he must be cheating or not love me or be attracted me.

If he is mad or sad or off I think I must of done something. The abandonment issues run deep.

I was placed there as a mere toddler not even an older child with prior memories so god help those that are.

I’d prefer it didn’t/ doesn’t happen of course. But yes, I would.

No, I don't think grandparents should be beholden to step in with such a scenario - even if health and money allows.

SS aren’t fit for purpose, sadly I’ve noticed that some children are in a better situation with terrible parents than they are in care, teenagers are not cared for by the system, they’re used and abused.

I hope life is happier for you now, the emotional scars run deep. I really hit me when you wrote that your loving DGP died, that’s really tough.

A valid point. I wonder if all the people that say " of course" have teenagers

My grand parents were good till one died. Then the one left Put a body in their bed above me.

I was then abused mentally and physically till I ran away multiple times with my grandparent shouting and screaming that I had ruined their life because their new Beu wouldn’t move in if I lived there.

I never talk back or ran away or refused school till my other grand parent died and this new abusive person arrived.

You know what Ss did when informed of the new situation? Fuck all

They gave zero shits.

I honestly don’t know if I could do it. I think that when my children were actually children I would have assumed that I would have stepped in. But now my dc are just about to fly the nest, the thought of doing it all over again is not great. We’ve just started travelling on our own again and when the last one is finally through university we will have more money as well as time to do what we want to do.

A decade ago when my dc were 9 and 12 I would have thought that I would be all for it.

This is the norm. Usually the parents in their 40’s grow up a bit. It’s best for the child to be with the biological family unless there is abuse, severe abuse, not just shit parents abuse, SS couldn’t deal with all the people who are bad parents. They only step in at critical moments, the bar is low.

who judges what a "really good reason" is.

Honestly? Yes. It was your job to stop your child having a child. If you failed to do that and they’re an unsuitable parent then you either step up or your grandchild will need to be adopted out and I think generally it’s best to step up.

If you don’t, I’d judge you. But it is legally your choice to put them up for adoption if preferred.

This is the reality for 1000’s of grandparents who have had to take on the parental responsibilities, it’s not unusual at all in certain areas, especially if there is a high drug/alcohol problem in the area.

I would step in if this happened or to enable my DD to continue with education so she could provide properly in the future. One bonus of my DD having severe issues with personal space and touch is she’s unlikely to have making love any time soon. She no interest in relationships.
We’re nearing the end of her teenage years so she won’t be a teenage parent.