Baby given chocolate!

OP doesn't want her PILs to look after her baby but they are insisting and she didn't want to say no. They sound overbearing.

You've got a good excuse to say no now. Especially if they are treating it as no big deal and refusing to abide by your wishes where your baby is concerned.

Babies don't need chocolate and giving it to your baby so early is unnecessary and is for the benefit of your MIL, not your baby. The longer children can go without sweets and chocolate, the better, for their diet and their teeth. Obviously, once your child is mixing with other children who have sweets and chocolate, it will be almost impossible to stop them wanting it.

My grandchildren eat far fewer sweets and chocolate than my own children did and that's a good thing as far as I am concerned.

What a ridiculous thread. How do these people get through the day, if this is what they stress about.

She’s decided that she’s looking after your DC and she’s decided that he can eat chocolate.

Your wish for him to go to nursery and your wish for him not to be given chocolate yet have been thoroughly ignored.

You have no say OP. She’ll do as she pleases. I predict a massive argument between you all in the future if this continues. Best to nip this in the bud now before someone blows a gasket!

So does ice but it's a huge choking risk

Chocolate melts in the mouth. Your baby is fine. You are being way too overprotective

Exactly, it’s nothing to do with chocolate
Ultimately she has broken your trust- because she is the GP she feels entitled. The heart of it is that her entitlement trumps her desire to win your trust.
She will then push her GP role in either bewilderment ‘I don’t know what I’ve done wrong’
or belligerence ‘ Well I’m the GP I have every right to give infant GC a piece of chocolate’
Then wailing or moaning to her DS ‘I can’t do anything right’
None of these responses are focused on building a relationship with you based on trust and mutual respect. A great deal of entitlement very little accountability.
The mother gives the instruction because she cares about the baby, the GP ignores the instruction because she cares about herself- either she thinks she knows better or she just wants to get away with something she has been asked specifically not to do.
That is the heart of why it feels so exhausting.

A selfish, arrogant idiot who proudly feeds chocolate to a 9 month old is only going to get worse.

Book the extra day at nursery NOW.

No more unsupervised visits for the foreseeable future. You can't trust them.

I’m all for grandparents spoiling their grandchildren, I do with my little grandson. But I would never go against something that the parents had explicitly said they would not want their child to have. I had my own children and brought them up as I wanted. Now it’s the next generation to do and to be afforded the respect for their wishes as to how to bring up their children.

id be upset too, just as much as if I’d done something my DIL was unhappy about.

UANBU to be upset they went against your wishes. At the end of the day it was only chocolate but that’s not the point is it?

I literally posted what OP said. OP has posted several times that her MIL knew.

I actually have weaned three children. One on purées and two baby-led. Didn’t give them chocolate as babies and wasn’t advised to either. Was actually told to limit salt and sugars due to their teeth. Just as some said theirs were perfectly fine having chocolate at that age, mine were absolutely fine not having it til they were older.

Speaking as a grandma… it’s really not on to do something you know the parents don’t want you to do. Especially something so reasonable.
Speaking as a mother I’d be worried about what else they’d do that I didn’t want.

If you read all the OP's updates you'll dee they can afford nursery, are happy for nursery but the in-laws have insisted they want to do one day a week childcare!!

hadn’t read any of your updates before my first comment. Just seen she was letting him rot in front of a screen all day. Would totally put him in childcare instead and have none of these issues.

Think it is ridiculous to give a baby chocolate or any other sugary treat. Totally agree with you! Don’t listen to above pp’s and think you are crazy. Would politely request for them not to give treats again until baby is older and hope they respect your wishes. Any reasonable person would be fine with such a request without making a big drama about it.

Oh, also @areandare as a soon to be grandma, whilst I wouldn't give a 9 month old baby chocolate, and didn't give it to mine 30 years ago, if I did, I wouldn't have told you.

I think the key facts to consuder are whether he's safe and loved when there. A tiny amount of chocolate is really inconsequential.

1. i have never read to melt chocolate for babies.
2. that’s not ok, because you don’t want him to have it and she ignored your wishes.
3. i can’t wrap my head around why giving chocolate to a child would be akin to their first steps. The ‘first’ thing has gone batshit.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable.

She is showing massive disrespect towards you. My MIL did the same type of thing. Anything I asked her not to do, she would do. She also told me that I was good to let her to look after my baby because ‘you don’t know the way I do things’.

I’m not sure if it’s a power play & they don’t want to be told what they can and can’t do, or they think they know better. Either way, you have specifically said you don’t want your baby to have chocolate and she’s completely ignored you and done what she wants. It’s disrespectful and shows she does not give a shit about what you want.

I would speak with her or message her nicely and say you’d specifically said how you feel about your baby not having chocolate & you’re upset that she didn’t listen etc. I would try and nip this in the bud now. I didn’t nip it in the bud and I spent years detesting my MIL.

I also understand what you mean about wanting to do all of the ‘firsts’ with her x

The mother of my closest friend had three children, all with uite different approaches to parenting. When grandchildren started to arrive, she told me that when she looked after them, she talked to the parents, asked them how they wanted things done, and did them that way. If all grandparents did that, life would be simpler all round.

Chose your hills @areandare. In my opinion, this isn't it. A little taste of chocolate is vastly different to melting a mars bar into his milk.

You seem very fixated on your rules and others doing exactly as you say. I hope you are looking forward to the teenage years.

I wouldn't want to cause and all out family war but I'd be telling MIL that if she pulls this shit again then childcare is off the table (or else I'd not mention it but in a few weeks time say you decided that FT nursery feels more consistent and else disruptive so you won't be needing them for weekly childcare!)

I expect if the OP told the person providing childcare free of charge that it's 'off the table' then the biggest loser would ultimately be her.

OP, in my experience, free childcare from Grandparents comes on its own terms. Up to you whether you are comfortable with that or would prefer to pay instead.

Personally, I wouldn't be getting worked up about a bit of chocolate (but then my eldest is 12 and I'm way past all that). I would be seeking to put some limits on it rather than having a meltdown.

MN never ceases to amaze me.

Why would you give a 9mo, child who is relatively new to weaning, chocolate? It's totally unnecessary. This is aside from the fact MIL was specifically asked not to give chocolate.

It's common sense that babies are weaned with savoury vegetables and salad first to develop a savoury palate before fruits are introduced. Chocolate is not something a young child needs.

I wouldn't want someone I can't trust looking after my child and for me this would cross a line.

Seems MIL isn't listening or respecting her own son as well as the OP.

I wouldn't want to cause and all out family war but I'd be telling MIL that if she pulls this shit again then childcare is off the table (or else I'd not mention it but in a few weeks time say you decided that FT nursery feels more consistent and less disruptive so you won't be needing them for weekly childcare!)

The issue with telling her she's on her last chance is that she'll do this kind of stuff without you knowing!!

MIL is a cunt.

No of course it doesn't make you sound ungrateful, it makes you sound controlled.

If you think the baby would be better off in paid childcare you should put him in paid childcare. Who cares for him should be decided by what is in his best interests - in your judgement as his parents - not a reward for MIL throwing a temper tantrum.

Anyone can have a difficult day and end up with an overtired baby but if she is repeatedly and deliberately not giving him his naps, against your wishes and explicit request, that is just not looking after him properly. If she is already ignoring you with food and naps what else will there be?