Baby given chocolate!

This is the strangest thing to me. Maybe they want to tell friends they're doing childcare? Or it's just what they're used to? I have found with family vs new generation of parents, there's different expectations of what's appropriate at different ages.

Also something I'm finding atm, why do family just not listen to parents saying something is in a baby's routine and it works for them every other day, seems to make them the most comfortable so could you also do this for consistency please?

I don't want to start yet another grandparent thread but my lovely MIL who has mine one day a week while he's on the waiting list for a third day at nursery has rarely followed his nap routine. We kept thinking we weren't communicating it well enough, DH was insisting she must be forgetting what we'd said every week (I said she's really intelligent and capable, and we kept reiterating it, plus I was the one doing drop offs and pick ups and having the in person interactions). After DH started calling on the day to check she wasn't trying to get out DS to sleep after 3pm - she kept attempting it at 3.30, close to 4pm when I'd collect him usually - she did stop but will still say every week that he's tired and wants to sleep, if he lived there then she'd let him sleep.

His routine changed and now she keeps getting him to nap early, so taking him on a walk in the pram until he goes to sleep. He's on one nap a day unless he's had a ridiculously early start to the day like 4.30am, in which case I'd always tell her. But it means instead of one good nap after lunch, he might have 1-2 hours in the morning, a late lunch, then by the time I get him I have to rush him home, give him dinner and rush bath and bed because he's been up since 11 something. And then he's usually overtired, screaming and much harder to get down at bedtime whereas if we time it right, he's quite happy to have me rub his back as he goes to sleep.

DH is going to speak to her again and say we normally give him a little snack at 10.30 instead of trying to get him to sleep then (or before!) and also ask if it's too much for them.

We've just been given the option of a third day at nursery from summer but now we feel bad because DS and his grandma have such a lovely bond and she really seems to enjoy it. Obv first priority is does she even want to carry on. But she just doesn't listen about the nap routine, just says "noted" when I say eg he woke up normal time today so he'll just want one nap after lunch, then when I get him she tells me she's done something different. More stressful for me and leaves DS uncomfortable and cranky after a certain time (which she can also see? But thinks he should just sleep again but he won't even when I've tried it?). It's disappointing as she's otherwise so great.

I'm not sure why people would want to habituate their children to eating sugary crap at such a young age?
Sure, it's going to all around them when they're a bit older and you probably can't stop all of it without turning it into an issue, but why as a baby when they don't know any different?
At that point it's purely for the grandparent's pleasure - like a human petting zoo.

Tbf nobody “needs” chocolate in their diet just a nice treat occasionally

I don’t see why they even want to see him if they’re going to just plonk him in front of the tele. I get it if they enjoy taking him to the park, playing and interacting with him, but
the screen thing I don’t get.

You are being so beyond reasonable I’m shocked anyone could disagree.

have a chat (via your husband) and make it clear that you love that he will be with his grandparents once a week instead of at childcare but this is on the agreement that they follow your schedule (including naps), no screen time and no chocolate. Why the hell does a 9 month old need screens or chocolate!?

if they don’t like it then put him in childcare and they can see him when they see you…

You are not being unreasonable at all. It wasn't your MILs place to give something like that without checking with you.

I'd reaffirm that your child, particularly as still a baby, is only to be given the food agreed and definitely not chocolate etc without being spoken to.

This is exactly the type of issue that will build up to MIL resentment if she keeps pushing boundaries. However, we weren't beholden to anyone as we were self-sufficient and had baby in nursery on my working days, so we didn't have to balance the need for childcare.

If this is something MIL persistently does (break your boundaries etc) then I'd seek alternative childcare, so you won't have to deal with the stress of the conflict and MIL can just be a 'grandparent' when they visit.

My mum gave our kid his first welsh cake. When I heard that I thought it was hilarious. Given that I was practically raised on them.

Hahahahaha 😂

All of mine I've recorded their first chocolate tastes and first cake. As well as first ever food in general and first outdoor steps etc etc. And mine are already teens and doing loads of other things in life but those moments are still treasured for us.

I have no recollection of either of my daughters’ first taste of chocolate. I may have stressed about such nonsense at the time, but honestly in a few short years they’ll be at parties and friends houses eating goodness knows what. I also very much doubt they’d choke on chocolate.

Although a bit of chocolate won't hurt him, I would feel the same about wanting to give them their first piece and see the reaction. Also it's not good for her to be breaking up chunks of chocolate for him, definitely can't become a habit! I would get your husband to speak to his parents

Did you specifically tell them not to give them chocolate? If not then YABU.

Yeah not to a 9/10 month old but to be fair, I had to explicitly tell nursery in writing at 11.5 months no refined sugar, as they would give things like digestive biscuits and flavoured yoghurts otherwise. But at least they'll follow what you've said, just saying I was surprised we even had to be explicit about that before I realised how other people were parenting differently!

I agree with you but I've found with my own MIL saying things like "I'd rather not" doesn't get interpreted as "absolutely do not do this please". My DH even said when I told him about this thread, did OP say "don't give him sugar"? (I think she did) or "we haven't given him sugar" as he thought to that generation it might be construed as oh the parents just haven't done that yet but totally fine for me to do it.

My grandma (89) was trying to get us to give our 10mo ice cream "because it's soft". I can see some people on here wouldn't have an issue with the sugar but we did!

Doesn’t matter if people think you’re ’making a fuss’, you’re the Mother. Nurseries and childminders wouldn’t give your baby that.

Personally I’d sack her off and look into childcare. Speaking from experience of a MIL who doesn’t listen or deem my wishes worth respecting, it’ll only get worse as they get older.

Some very harsh replies here imo. I'd love to give my grandchild (nearly one) something I know she'd be amazed by, but I wouldn't dream of doing that without consent. I personally think the no sugar before 1 etc is a bit over the top, but I've had my turn and I don't get to override a parent. I'd be clear with your MIL that she needs to let you know if she's unable to respect your choices and boundaries , so you have time to find someone who can.

I’d probably just say reiterate that I’d rather he didn’t have any added sugar (eg chocolate etc) before he is 1. It’s not unreasonable to say this. It is what is recommended in fact.

I would have felt the same as you. Totally reasonable, however you just need to be careful how to approach this with your MIL. I was strong against sugar before 1 and then even after 1 wanted to limit it to a degree (more just not have it available- if it was on offer I’d let them have it).
Completely understand with the wanting to give the first bit yourself too. At the end of the day though, with hindsight, it isn’t a big deal but I would say something to make sure it doesn’t happen all the time.
You aren’t being unreasonable in how you feel about it.

I’m suprised people think you are being unreasonable! Your baby is 9 months old. Too young for sugar and he also doesn’t want or need it at this age. I’d be a bit more relaxed if we were talking about a toddler - I’d still be pretty unhappy if anyone proactively gave my toddler chocolate but if he saw it and started to fuss I wouldn’t blame them for giving in.

Back to your question, you are absolutely within your rights to explain to your MIL that you child is too young for sweets and chocolate and that you’d appreciate it if she didn’t give it to him again. Ask your husband to have the chat if easier. Ultimately you need to be able to trust the people you are leaving your child with. I would also consider how valuable the childcare is - if she reacts badly to this or you think there’s a chance she’d ignore your wishes in the future, can you afford an alternative?

OP you are totally right. I have two little ones and I would have had the same reaction as you.

It is an issue of trust - you’ve given a totally reasonable direction with regard to your child’s diet, and she has intentionally ignored you. Rude, arrogant, entitled behaviour. I won’t even comment on your later post about screen time and missing a nap (that then ruined your night!!).

For me, if my mum or MIL don’t fall into line with how I am raising my baby, then my baby does not get looked after by them. My baby, my choice. End of.

You do what you think best, OP - trust your gut.

While I don't agree that chocolate is a choking hazard for a baby that age, I understand how you feel about your MIL making the decision to give your DC chocolate without consulting with you first. My MIL did the same when my DC was 11 months and it royally pissed me off. Our weaning journey was not going well due to reflux issues, and DH and I felt strongly about baby not having anything sugary while we tried to establish a good eating pattern. I couldn't bring myself to complain about it though - MIL was genuinely delighted that she had shared this special moment with her grandchild. I just chalked it up to generational differences and tried to give clearer instructions going forward. You have every right to feel annoyed, but what's done is done and it's only a small matter in the scheme of things.

As an aside, I also think that perpetuating the idea of chocolate being a “treat “ is not healthy, and not an attitude to encourage in young children.

I think you’re being dramatic, but the poll is pretty close so maybe it’s really something that divides people?

Did a mix of BLW and shop bought baby food with DD. Could never have imagined melting chocolate ffs 🤦‍♀️. She was eating things like spag bol and egg on toast at 9 months lmao. She’s also now 11 and incredibly fussy with food so introducing them to things in the right order and a variety of foods to stop them being picky is nonsense.

I would however be really miffed if I didn’t get to be the first one to give them chocolate.

It was not for her to do this. I would have been irritated too. It feels provocative from her, and it takes away from you the experience of being the first to give your baby this treat.

The question is really what you can do - you can’t change it but can you tell her you don’t want her to give baby chocolate in future? Or have DH do so? Or will this create a massive row?

I’m sorry OP, some people are just a bit unreasonable.