AIBU to plan a 90s-style birthday party with traditional party food?

I agree good health is definitely more than just food and that it would be quite extreme to decline a party on the basis of food. However, with everything we know about ultra processed foods, eating your 5 a day and how junk food has been made to cater for palatability, shelf life, convenience and ultimately profit, I think it’s also quite odd to not provide any sort of fruit/ veg at a children’s party when they can be attending parties several times a month (so it’s not exactly once in a blue moon).

My area also fits in that bracket. But as you’ve said, there are fruit / veg options available at the parties you’ve been at, which the OP didn’t include. This makes quite a big difference?

I agree it’s rude they mentioned this to OP, if they felt strongly and didn’t want to go, they could have declined with a white lie.

You’ve missed the cheese and pineapple. I hope that’s what the parents are complaining about!

But that's different isn’t it, in your area people would also provide fruit/veg options. The OP didn’t include anything like this in her list which is what the other parents have taken issue to it seems? Sounds like I am in a similar area to you - although the junk food might be on offer, there would also be healthier options available

The jelly rabbit was very much a thing that originated in the 50s. I had them at my birthday parties - one "mummy" rabbit made of pink blancmange, 2 baby rabbits (one orange jelly and one red) sitting on green jelly grass. I tried to replicate this at one of my daughter's parties in the 80s. There was lots of oohing and aahing but nobody would touch the blancmange. 😂 I've still got my Mum's moulds.

Sounds fine to me and is pretty much the done thing where we are. Make sure the party bags contain a party blower! If you are feeling like pushing the boat out a party popper as well.

I'm yet to attend one of these MN birthday parties where bread and junk is banned and it's all couscous with salad, hummus, veg sticks and a whole array of organic healthy food. My child is also yet to receive a MN party bag of a book or a packet of seeds.

Sounds like what we were doing only 10-15 years ago.
However 20 is not a "mini party", and I wouldn't have that many unless you are used to crowd control with groups of kids (eg if you are a teacher or cub leader). Some say that "same number as their age" is a good limit to the number of invitees; a few more is probably fine, but just watch out that you don't end up inviting "all the boys in the class except two" - better to invite them all in that case.
Make sure it is clear which rooms are out of bounds, and it's better to have more games ready than you think you will need. Something quieter before eating and at the end is a good idea, to calm them down.

Isn't this a normal party though

So a fairly standard kids party then? What are the parents fussing about? Do they want a load of healthy food then kids probably won't eat?

Completely nuts. This is a wholly normal birthday party set up for that age. Not particularly 90s or even 80s. Just “birthday party”.

Add some placatory veg sticks and strawberries and a cheese and pineapple hedgehog.

I can thoroughly recommend the game of “musical silly faces” to round the party off - like musical statues but they all have to pull a silly face or strike a silly pose when the music stops. You pick a winner of the silliest face each time. Very easy to fix it so nobody gets upset at being out (yeah it’s good for them to be resilient but at the end of a party they’re all tired and it’s about them having a fun time together!).

I think we've reached such a sad point if parents are so fanatical about food that they refuse to let their kids come to a party over some processed foods.

I presume if these parents are so uptight then their children will be eating fresh, healthy food for the rest of the week. What sort of devastating health consequences do they think ONE meal of processed food at a kids party is going to do.

Good health is not about food alone. Its about enjoyment of life, spending time with friends, having fun and making memories are all equally important. So many parents seem to have completely forgotten this and happy for their children to be the ones to miss out on fun with friends, memories of going to parties and all that's associated with it for the fear of them eating a few sausage rolls and ham sandwiches.

This. The food sounds exactly like all of kids parties I go to nowadays. I've got my own sons birthday party this week. Food is a sea of beige with just a few veg and fruit thrown in.

I'm not even sure why you think it's controversial. What sort of parents are you socialising with?

This sounds like an absolutely normal standard kids party to me. I'm sure it will be great! This is what I did for my dc and what most parties they went to were like, so I really don't think you need to worry that there's anything unusual about it.

What exactly are you worried people will be unhappy about?

What do kids have at parties these day i don't understand the objections.

I had 90s children and I would throw on a fruit plate for some vitamins but generally it was just what you are planning.

Definitely I agree with you. It’s a party, parties are fun and have nice food. A ‘90s buffet’ will not have disastrous effects on the children or their health for 1 meal.

It’s become commonplace again here. It was soft play for a while but increasingly has become community centres and 90s style parties exactly like this with junk food, entertainers, indoor bouncy castles etc.

I have such fond memories of 90s parties. I remember my friends having them at home with a clown or magician.

You forgot the jam sandwiches
But most importantly, it won't be a proper 90s kids birthday party unless there's cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks jammed into a raw potato covered in tinfoil.

The kids with the health crazed mothers can divide the potato up between I guess

How weird, and rude, of people to openly dislike this idea. I mean, I'd have just said we're having a little party at home and left it at that. There's nothing particularly 90s about it, it's a perfectly standard kids party.

We live in a pretty diverse and mixed income area (London). At the vast majority of the kids parties we've been to - including the more affluent/MC families - the food has been junky stuff out packets. Sausage rolls and party rings for one meal isn't going to do their little darlings any harm. Sorry you're having to deal with this stress, as if organising a party isn't enough work already.

It’s so weirdly disproportionate though. You couldn’t have had a crunchier upbringing than I did - seventies’/eighties’ lentil and wholemeal everything, we all dressed in brown corduroy and were nearly vegetarian, but fairy sandwiches were the signal that it was a party. I remember going to up the baker to get the white bread - they sliced it themselves so you’d get them to put the thin setting on the slicer. Then you’d get to eat the hundreds and thousandsy crusts as they were cut off while they were getting made - still my favourite bit of getting ready for a party. And we’d all go back to normal afterwards with no harm done and none of us ended up with terrible melt-downs or holes in our teeth. What has led people to be so terrified of relaxing a rule for a special occasion? Come to that, how did food come to be this terribly anxious stressy arena for rules at all? It’s not good for anyone, kids or parents.

It might be a 90s theme but tbh in many ways kids parties haven't moved on from that (except nowadays people might put some token humous out with carrot sticks to make an effort to be healthy)! So I don't know if it would even be apparent to everyone that it's meant to be retro!

What is 90s about that? I thought it was going to be adults dressed as Oasis and the Spice Girls

Your 90s party food is pretty much exactly the same as the food at my birthday parties in the late 70s and early 80s. The only difference I can see is that my party also had vol-au-vents.

ETA. I think it sounds absolutely fine for party food. Just not very 90s. You could throw in some tuna pasta bake, so they can eat like a 90s university student if you like.

Sounds like the parents would have a fit if fairy sandwiches were added to the menu.

OP I would just say “the menu is the menu hope you can come but I understand if not, let me know by X date.” They can’t control what you offer but they can control if they accept the invite or not

I remember playing blind man's buff at a children's party back in the 70s. Unfortunately, I was wearing a homemade crocheted dress so whenever I was caught, the blind man knew immediately that it was me. Very frustrating!

Yes I'd be more worried about playing duck duck goose in your house (unless it's truly massive!).

Honestly it would never occur to me to ask for a party menu unless my kid had an allergy. Or to share a party menu aside from asking about allergies or dietary requirements!