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Original poster

AIBU to say no to grandparents taking children abroad?

137 replies

Melissax90 · 08/05/2026 17:57

Hi everyone
I am looking for some options on something.
I have a DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) and my in-laws have asked my opinion on letting them take them abroad on their own, specifically to Spain. I wholeheartedly trust them completely and know they would be completely safe but still for me it is a hard no. I don't like the idea of them being in a different country especially if they needed me and I couldn't get there quickly.
My partner has said its completely my decision but he seemed quite open to the idea and although he hasn't said it I think he might feel I am being unreasonable.
So just for piece of mind, what does everyone think?
My decision is no and won't change but I'm just intrigued to see others options
x

OP posts:
Mrsmch123 · 08/05/2026 22:14

Hard no from me

JG24 · 08/05/2026 22:08

I'm all for having a break from kids and have been away for weekends when mine was a baby/toddler but the idea of being in a separate country without me or their dad does make me a bit nervous
I'm just thinking about when COVID hit and people stuck wanting to get home

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 22:08

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:45

I was talking a out the massive holidays you said your grandchild’s parents wanted you to take him because they’d never be able to afford to take him

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I didn't say they can't afford it. I haven't mentioned money. There can be lots of physical health, mental health, disabilities, carer responsibilities, work commitments, etc that prevent people from giving their children particular opportunities, not just money. I didn't even mention money. You have made that assumption.

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 22:06

30mins · 08/05/2026 21:38

That’s sad… can’t articulate why .. but it’s sad to read you wouldn’t the child’s parents , your own adult child, to enjoy these kind of experiences as a family unit. I think you might feel close somehow by doing this, but it’s rubbish to be doleing trophy holiday that you say clearly the child’s parents cannot afford. - weird,

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Where did I say they can't afford it? I haven't mentioned money!! So how can I have clearly said they can't afford it? There can be many reasons why people can't give the same opportunities, e.g due to disability, physical health, mental health etc.

Ilostallthepens · 08/05/2026 21:58

Are they mad? Or have they forgotten what a total nightmare a holiday with a 3 and 5 year old can be?!

AgentPidge · 08/05/2026 21:55

No. I think they're BU to want to take such young children to a different country, away from their parents. YANBU to say no.

TheatreTraveller · 08/05/2026 21:53

I wouldn't even contemplate my young children in a different country to me.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 08/05/2026 21:53

Yes, they’d be safe but they’re too young to be away from their parents. I’m sure the GPs think they could cope, but if a 3-year old wants their mum in the middle of the night what will they do? Why is no one stopping to think how the children would feel being away from their mum? (I never understand why GPs want the kids on their own?)

MaidOfSteel · 08/05/2026 21:48

Would the answer be the same if it were your parents asking?

BeenChangedForGood · 08/05/2026 21:47

@Melissax90 It would be a definite no from me.

I wouldn’t be abroad without my DC and I wouldn’t allow them to be abroad without me.

cadburyegg · 08/05/2026 21:47

I wouldn’t allow it either and my kids are 11 and 8.

Italiangreyhound · 08/05/2026 21:46

I would not have let anyone take my kids abroad. You are not wrong op.

Cheese55 · 08/05/2026 21:46

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:37

This! I thought it's a perfectly normal thing for grandparents to take the grandchildren on holiday. It always used to be the case. So I am so surprised by the comments on here. I was often away with my grandma, and I thought it such a shame that my child didn't get holidays with his grandma (my mum) when he was a child, but she didn't drive and only went on older people's coach trips!

I think my grandchild's parents miss him, but are very glad of the break/respite

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There's being glad of respite and someone taking my child away, and them having experiences without me. It would break my heart at that age.

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:45

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:44

The current holidays are in my van. I do invite my son to join us, but it doesn't work with his work pattern so we go on our own.

My son will hopefully be joining us when we go to Florida. I took him many times as a child and a young adult, so it's definitely something we all want to do together, to revisit thes places with the grandchild. Plus there is a Europe city break we all want to do together to see a certain famous building.

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I was talking a out the massive holidays you said your grandchild’s parents wanted you to take him because they’d never be able to afford to take him

Soontobe60 · 08/05/2026 21:45

We are grandparents to children of similar ages. We look after them a lot, they sleep over and have done since they were babies but I would not want to take them abroad without their parents! What I would be open to is all of us going away and me and DH look after the kids whilst parents have some time to themselves.

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:44

30mins · 08/05/2026 21:38

That’s sad… can’t articulate why .. but it’s sad to read you wouldn’t the child’s parents , your own adult child, to enjoy these kind of experiences as a family unit. I think you might feel close somehow by doing this, but it’s rubbish to be doleing trophy holiday that you say clearly the child’s parents cannot afford. - weird,

Show quote history

The current holidays are in my van. I do invite my son to join us, but it doesn't work with his work pattern so we go on our own.

My son will hopefully be joining us when we go to Florida. I took him many times as a child and a young adult, so it's definitely something we all want to do together, to revisit thes places with the grandchild. Plus there is a Europe city break we all want to do together to see a certain famous building.

SallyAnnDrivesACar · 08/05/2026 21:43

5 and 3 are too young for me.

However, i don't fly and my son was asked to go to the USA with my parents to visit a DC and their children. I think he was 8 or 9 when I let him go... he went for 3 weeks!

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:40

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:39

Of course he does! Where did I say that he doesn't?

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So why not take him along if he’d never other be able to afford to take his child on these kind of holidays!!!

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:39

30mins · 08/05/2026 21:38

That’s sad… can’t articulate why .. but it’s sad to read you wouldn’t the child’s parents , your own adult child, to enjoy these kind of experiences as a family unit. I think you might feel close somehow by doing this, but it’s rubbish to be doleing trophy holiday that you say clearly the child’s parents cannot afford. - weird,

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Totally agree

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:39

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:35

Your son has nothing to do with his own son?

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Of course he does! Where did I say that he doesn't?

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:39

@PurpleCoo why don’t you take your son, his father, with you when you go to Asia, US etc with his son?

30mins · 08/05/2026 21:38

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 20:49

Interesting to read the responses here. I am a grandparent and frequently take my grandson on several holidays a year. Not abroad yet, but we do go off to the Highlands and we live near London so it's a long way. The only reason we haven't been abroad yet is because I have a motorhome, so that's our thing right now, and I don't have enough annual leave to do trips abroad and all the UK holidays too. Parents are very keen for me to take the child to Florida, Europe, Asia at some point as they will never be able to give him those opportunities and they really want him to have access to these world experiences. We have all been saying we need to sort out a passport so we can travel, and discussing places I might take him for several years now. Thankfully both parents are excited and grateful for any opportunities I might give him.

That’s sad… can’t articulate why .. but it’s sad to read you wouldn’t the child’s parents , your own adult child, to enjoy these kind of experiences as a family unit. I think you might feel close somehow by doing this, but it’s rubbish to be doleing trophy holiday that you say clearly the child’s parents cannot afford. - weird,

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:37

notacooldad · 08/05/2026 21:17

We used to go to France with nan and grandad in the late 60s right up to the tee years.
We ( me brother and sister) absolutely loved it.

Op you do you, bit we have fantastic memories of being with nan and grandad.
My kids liked going away with my mum and dad as well.

It looks like times have changed with people saying the children are too young and wait until they are teens.
The bonding is done when kids are small and holidays are a great time to relax and have fun.
Me and my siblings still laugh at my grandad trying to be strict and nan always over ruling him and nan letting us have extra treats. On the second to last day we would go and choose souvenir presents for mum.and dad!
Great memories!!

Edited

This! I thought it's a perfectly normal thing for grandparents to take the grandchildren on holiday. It always used to be the case. So I am so surprised by the comments on here. I was often away with my grandma, and I thought it such a shame that my child didn't get holidays with his grandma (my mum) when he was a child, but she didn't drive and only went on older people's coach trips!

I think my grandchild's parents miss him, but are very glad of the break/respite

canuckup · 08/05/2026 21:36

No way

It's 24/7, all hands on deck at that age, especially around swimming pools/deep water.

You can't trust them to be 100% committed to their safety. They'll be in 'holiday mode'.

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:35

PurpleCoo · 08/05/2026 21:34

The parents aren't together. He lives with the mum (not my daughter). She has her own needs that mean it's difficult for her to do many activities outside of the house, so going on adventures and various other physical activities is my 'thing'. She wants me to do these things for him so he doesn't miss out on opportunities, it's not a case of just money, there are other reasons too.

Show quote history

Your son has nothing to do with his own son?