Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to grandparents taking children abroad?

137 replies

Melissax90 · 08/05/2026 17:57

Hi everyone
I am looking for some options on something.
I have a DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) and my in-laws have asked my opinion on letting them take them abroad on their own, specifically to Spain. I wholeheartedly trust them completely and know they would be completely safe but still for me it is a hard no. I don't like the idea of them being in a different country especially if they needed me and I couldn't get there quickly.
My partner has said its completely my decision but he seemed quite open to the idea and although he hasn't said it I think he might feel I am being unreasonable.
So just for piece of mind, what does everyone think?
My decision is no and won't change but I'm just intrigued to see others options
x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Sunbeam18 · 09/05/2026 14:50

No way - you never know what could happen, eg war, flights cancelled, lockdowns etc. Very unlikely but as we know not impossible

gardenNC · 09/05/2026 14:40

Unless you all go, then no from me. They are too young.
Personally my reasoning is: the amount of ED attendances I triage where preventable accidents have happened when the child is in the care of grandparents is crazy. They just don’t have the same level of attentiveness that parents have. I wouldn’t risk it with mine, not in a foreign country, new environment, pools, just nope.

Shinyhappyapple · 09/05/2026 14:34

From the other point of view, I have friends who now have grandchildren and I can think of a couple of cases where they have taken quite young GC (under 5) away without parents. What perhaps makes a difference is that in the cases I’m thinking of there is only one young child with more than one grandparent, or a grandparent plus another adult. Grandparents are 50s/early 60s.

ETA - this doesn’t mean that the children are missing out on a holiday with parents BTW, it’s an additional holiday.

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:32

I wouldn’t want to miss out on holidaying with my children!

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 09/05/2026 14:31

Spain normally means pools and the sea and I just wouldn’t risk it. Even if they are young, fit and well you quickly forget just how vigilant you have to be. A moment’s inattention and a child can be out of sight and silently drowning.

I wouldn’t give that as a reason though. I’d just say they’re too young for you to feel happy with it but when they are older you’ll probably feel differently.

It’s also a risk in terms of one or both of them getting homesick. You can’t just drive and pick them up in a couple of hours.

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:30

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 14:29

Developmentally he’s about average seven on a good day. Not really, she always goes to Lovat sites, they’re nice and quiet, plus she feels it isn’t a holiday for her if she’s at home.

Show quote history

but still not 5 and 3 which are practically babies!

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 14:29

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:26

Phew got there in the end. I’d have thought Portugal caravan site would be much more pleasant and less effort!

but each to their own. Your 10 year old is not akin to a 5 year old. And you know it!

Show quote history

Developmentally he’s about average seven on a good day. Not really, she always goes to Lovat sites, they’re nice and quiet, plus she feels it isn’t a holiday for her if she’s at home.

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:26

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 14:24

Yes, we would usually fly them to her, but she’s going to be here seeing a friend, so it makes more sense for her to fly them out. We’ll likely pick them up and have a long weekend in the UK.

Show quote history

Phew got there in the end. I’d have thought Portugal caravan site would be much more pleasant and less effort!

but each to their own. Your 10 year old is not akin to a 5 year old. And you know it!

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 14:24

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:22

Ok so none of you live in the UK.
grandma lives In Portugal
you and kids live in another European country
Grandma travels from Portugal to your country to collect your children to take them to the Uk to a caravan site
correct?

Yes, we would usually fly them to her, but she’s going to be here seeing a friend, so it makes more sense for her to fly them out. We’ll likely pick them up and have a long weekend in the UK.

WonderingWanda · 09/05/2026 14:24

I think given your update about co sleeping etc they are maybe a bit young. Do they regularly stay with your inlaws? Maybe suggest start with an overnight at home then weekend uk break first and let your inlaws now how much you appreciate the thought.

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:22

Ok so none of you live in the UK.
grandma lives In Portugal
you and kids live in another European country
Grandma travels from Portugal to your country to collect your children to take them to the Uk to a caravan site
correct?

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 14:21

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:18

Huh?

but your children do live in Portugal? Thoroughly confused!

Show quote history

My children live with me and their Papa, they don’t live in another country with their Grandma.

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:18

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 14:17

I don’t live in Portugal, I also don’t have any grandchildren! Due to additional needs he isn’t anywhere near ten developmentally.

Show quote history

Huh?

but your children do live in Portugal? Thoroughly confused!

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 14:17

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:14

You live in Portugal as do your grandchildren…. And yet you travel to the Uk for 5 days to stay in a caravan park? I’d have thought a caravan park in Portugal would have been just as nice, with guaranteed nice weather and not involve a flight @Simonjt !

In any event… comparing a 10 year old and a 5 year old is daft

I don’t live in Portugal, I also don’t have any grandchildren! Due to additional needs he isn’t anywhere near ten developmentally.

Theuntold · 09/05/2026 14:14

You live in Portugal as do your grandchildren…. And yet you travel to the Uk for 5 days to stay in a caravan park? I’d have thought a caravan park in Portugal would have been just as nice, with guaranteed nice weather and not involve a flight @Simonjt !

In any event… comparing a 10 year old and a 5 year old is daft

Gloriia · 09/05/2026 08:23

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 08:01

Apologies, thats how I’ve been taught English as a second language.

Show quote history

There's no need to apologise I'm the last person to pull anyone up on meanings usually but on a uk site surely your location is relevant in this context.

So, say you lived in Australia and relatives taking very young kids to the UK that would seem crazy long flights etc, Europe not so bad. Although Portugal would seem a much nicer location for any hol tbh.

Just3aday · 09/05/2026 08:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FunnyOrca · 09/05/2026 08:19

I would say no, and maybe revisit at 13&15. Why do they want to do it?

My friend has two parents very professional, top of career etc. but both pushing 70. They got caught up in those terrible floods in Spain a few years ago. It was quite the experience and made my friend realise their age a bit more. They disguise it well here where they are very in control and know what’s what, but in a foreign language in an unknown place they were really quite vulnerable. How do you think in-laws would fare in an emergency abroad?

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 08:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Portugal.

Hobbitfeet32 · 09/05/2026 08:09

I left my kids age 4 and 6 abroad with grandparents for a week. We flew out first for a week then they joined and I went home. My parents have been involved with my children since they were born, they have a great relationship and have taken them on many trips since including abroad which they have loved

Just3aday · 09/05/2026 08:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Just3aday · 09/05/2026 08:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 08:01

Gloriia · 09/05/2026 07:58

Oh whatever if you say 'to the UK' though it isn't clear you're sending very young kids abroad with granny.

Apologies, thats how I’ve been taught English as a second language.

Gloriia · 09/05/2026 07:58

Oh whatever if you say 'to the UK' though it isn't clear you're sending very young kids abroad with granny.

Simonjt · 09/05/2026 07:52

Gloriia · 09/05/2026 07:48

You should maybe be clear when you're posting, if you say granny takes your young kids on hol in the UK of course it sounds you live in the UK.

Edited
Show quote history

I said to the UK, I thought that was the correct way to write it?