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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that this person was house angel etc ..

136 replies

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:04

Just wondering what you think and need your opinion please.
A woman I know very well is soft, loving and kind a home to her husband and family.
she runs the home super efficiently, is a full time SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times and social life.
Gos friends don’t like her. They accuse her of being controlling, bossy towards him and largely opinionated.
He says she is entirely different at home albeit with a secret alcohol addiction . Secret to outside the family. Relationships were th husband and children are breaking down.
is this the very typical house angel scenario?
I need objectivity please as I’m too close to the family.
just your thoughts please

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 08/05/2026 14:43

I mean it's possible.

Who knows who's right. I don't we can tell

shockthemonkey · 08/05/2026 14:42

purpleme12 · 08/05/2026 14:38

' Gos' should be 'his' I'm guessing

I'm presuming that you're saying his friends don't like this woman and thing she's controlling but the husband is saying the woman is lovely in the house? Is that right?

Thank you Purple!

Wish some OPs would just re-read before posting. It takes a minute to do and avoids all those “obtuse” requests for clarification.

OP, YABU

Original poster
onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:40

purpleme12 · 08/05/2026 14:38

' Gos' should be 'his' I'm guessing

I'm presuming that you're saying his friends don't like this woman and thing she's controlling but the husband is saying the woman is lovely in the house? Is that right?

Essentially, yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:39

SummerInSun · 08/05/2026 14:28

OP, is your question that someone can be lovely inside their home where they feel secure and comfortable and safe, but very prickly outside it, due to eg shyness, anxiety, neurodivergence, etc? If so, then yes, of course. But if this person is treating her DH’s friends badly outside the home, I suspect the situation is more complicated.

Yes thank you.
Exactly this.
I dont need advice regarding my involvement in it and GOS was a typo for His. Sorry.

OP posts:
SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 08/05/2026 14:39

Well end of the day, he’s the one who has to live with her & married to her so it’s nobody elses business.
House angel.. what a bizarre terminology.

purpleme12 · 08/05/2026 14:38

' Gos' should be 'his' I'm guessing

I'm presuming that you're saying his friends don't like this woman and thing she's controlling but the husband is saying the woman is lovely in the house? Is that right?

Flowersdie · 08/05/2026 14:37

She is an alcoholic and she drinks vodka throughout the day. Sometimes lemon flavour, sometimes peach. However, she paces it so that she can present an angelic persona outside the house. She makes a very good banana bread. And gives a good blowjob. Even Gos agrees with that bit. Hope this helps op.

Original poster
onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:36

Thank you to those responders who have not been deliberately obtuse.
The lady in question loved her role as a SAHM and was quite adamant that this would be her life even if at times, financially it was difficult and she had the means and training and experience to work.
She loved it so much, she refused to let anyone cook or clean. But, she then started to ask her husband to stay in if friends asked him to meet and he did without fail, always.
Her home was her palace.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 08/05/2026 14:36

SAHM to adults... So really a housewife then

shockthemonkey · 08/05/2026 14:36

Who is Gos? (the person whose friends don’t like her)

Grammarninja · 08/05/2026 14:35

I think the phrase is actually street angel, house devil as people are usually better behaved with people outside the home.

SoManyTshirts · 08/05/2026 14:34

During my childhood, house angel street devil meant a child who behaved at home but not in public. Street angel house devil (tantrums at home but behave for teacher/granny) was far more common. I’m a bit confused, she does sound controlling but I know a couple with this dynamic and he loves it.

Secret alcoholism is another thing entirely.

purpleme12 · 08/05/2026 14:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I was thinking this too!

AccordingToWhom · 08/05/2026 14:33

What?

I don't think anyone can give an informed view here with so little information or without knowing these people in real life.

If he's being treated badly, he needs to think about leaving her.

Nogimachi · 08/05/2026 14:31

What is a house angel and why does the terminology matter?

Is this a situation you are involved in or need help with?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 08/05/2026 14:31

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:24

im asking if you think that my description of this lady fits the phrase house angel, street devil .. and what in your experience or professional opinion if appropriate, Is going on here ?

Well no, because a house angel street devil would be someone who is lovely at home to their family and an arsehole out and about, you seem to be describing the opposite?!

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 08/05/2026 14:31

It sounds to me that her ability/intelligence is greater than her husbands and she feels like taking control of things. Either that or she's putting her energy in the wrong place, needs to be working outside the home etc. She could have more energy than she knows what to do with. It happens to husbands too if they're at home for too long, they can end up organising their wife

FurryWastebin · 08/05/2026 14:30

What are you expected to do that will help?

Would suggest that you keep well out of it except for being supportive to whoever needs it.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 08/05/2026 14:30

What is 'gos friend',
What do you mean by a sahm to adults - do you mean she 'mothers' her husband?
What do you mean by she's 'a home to her husband and family'?
What is a typical house angel scenario?

SummerInSun · 08/05/2026 14:28

OP, is your question that someone can be lovely inside their home where they feel secure and comfortable and safe, but very prickly outside it, due to eg shyness, anxiety, neurodivergence, etc? If so, then yes, of course. But if this person is treating her DH’s friends badly outside the home, I suspect the situation is more complicated.

CoverLikelyZebra · 08/05/2026 14:27

Sounds like a really unhealthy dynamic for all concerned, encouraging grown adults to be incapable of basic self reliance and competence in day to day life and cultivating a misogynistic outlook that belongs in the 1950s. Not surprised she has an alcohol addiction, the women forced into this role in the 50s were generally hooked on valium to deal with the emotional impact of such an oppressive setup. You are asking the wrong question @onlyaparatraik - it doesn't matter one bit whether she's a "house angel" - the critical point is that clearly the stress of upholding this horrible complex of expectations is becoming too much and the cracks are showing. Maybe she would claim to be ok with the setup due to years of conditioning where she's grown to build her self worth on the extent to which she can live up to this impossible standard. However, dismantling it all and letting each person find a path of liberty combined with responsibility for just oneself without this nauseating adult-baby dependency would be much healthier than trying to reinforce over those cracks to delay the inevitable collapse.

Original poster
onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:26

As I said , I’m very close to the dynamic but am failing to see what everyone else sees

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 08/05/2026 14:25

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:24

im asking if you think that my description of this lady fits the phrase house angel, street devil .. and what in your experience or professional opinion if appropriate, Is going on here ?

People gossiping is what’s going on here

Bet she’s your DIL

Original poster
onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:24

im asking if you think that my description of this lady fits the phrase house angel, street devil .. and what in your experience or professional opinion if appropriate, Is going on here ?

OP posts:
allchange5 · 08/05/2026 14:20

How can anyone in here know what this woman is doing or not doing - especially when your post doesn't even make sense? By 'Gos' did you mean 'his?' Are you asking if this woman is an alcoholic abusing her family?