Page 3 | To think that this person was house angel etc ..

ThatCyanCat · 08/05/2026 16:17

Without knowing your relationship to her it's impossible to say because we don't know what sort of lens or prism you're seeing it through and who would be saying this to you.

I reckon you're the husband or his sibling.

diddl · 08/05/2026 16:14

I know exactly what’s going on.

Do you as you don't seem to be able to explain it!

ohyesido · 08/05/2026 16:08

So you hate her and are looking for reasons to validate it?

mindutopia · 08/05/2026 16:05

Never heard this wacky term before.

But as a recovering alcoholic, I will say that oftentimes as destructive as alcoholism is for an individual and a family, it also provides a security and creates a dynamic that is familiar and ‘works’ for the family members who enable it.

In this case, keeping someone financially provided for and numb with alcohol may allow the other members of the household to have their needs met. She’s miserable and a bitch to them, but she does the cooking and washing. Or her being too drunk to have a normal life outside the home allows a cheating partner to get on with his cheating. Or gives family members who find a sense of purpose in enabling to do their enabling and feel a sense of self-worth. The dynamic is self-sustaining because on some level it works for everyone involved.

WilfredsPies · 08/05/2026 15:43

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 15:21

Yes I am available to help but don’t know how to approach it

Thank you to those responders who have not been deliberately obtuse I don’t think anyone has been deliberately obtuse. Your writing style just isn’t the easiest to understand.

And I don’t think you can help. She sounds like quite a dominant character and doesn’t sound like she feels any help is necessary. She’s living her life exactly how she wants to. If you want to help her DH and adult children, all you can really do is tell them that her behaviour isn’t normal, it isn’t healthy and you’ll support them in distancing themselves from her. They have to make that decision for themselves.

Original poster

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 15:42

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:04

Just wondering what you think and need your opinion please.
A woman I know very well is soft, loving and kind a home to her husband and family.
she runs the home super efficiently, is a full time SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times and social life.
Gos friends don’t like her. They accuse her of being controlling, bossy towards him and largely opinionated.
He says she is entirely different at home albeit with a secret alcohol addiction . Secret to outside the family. Relationships were th husband and children are breaking down.
is this the very typical house angel scenario?
I need objectivity please as I’m too close to the family.
just your thoughts please

This.

OP posts:

74username74 · 08/05/2026 15:41

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 15:35

I have not posted to ask for your thoughts on whether this is my business or not. I know exactly what’s going on.

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So what do you actually want then?

ButterYellowFlowers · 08/05/2026 15:38

Also if she’s an alcoholic she clearly isn’t and hasn’t been happy in her role as ‘house angel’ where she checks notes washes his clothes, cooks his meals, books his hobbies and drinks

Original poster

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 15:35

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 08/05/2026 15:33

I mean it’s not really your business, is it?

Do you actually know what’s going on inside their home? Or are you and other family members just gossiping?

It is up to her and her h if she has a job or not.

How is this your business?

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I have not posted to ask for your thoughts on whether this is my business or not. I know exactly what’s going on.

OP posts:

ButterYellowFlowers · 08/05/2026 15:35

An alcoholic is not a soft angel at home - and if she’s a bitch to him out of the home that is still bad behaviour. A SAHM to adults is called a housewife and an alcoholic housewife who his friends hate is probably a crappy partner.

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 08/05/2026 15:34

Gos is typo for his

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 08/05/2026 15:33

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:36

Thank you to those responders who have not been deliberately obtuse.
The lady in question loved her role as a SAHM and was quite adamant that this would be her life even if at times, financially it was difficult and she had the means and training and experience to work.
She loved it so much, she refused to let anyone cook or clean. But, she then started to ask her husband to stay in if friends asked him to meet and he did without fail, always.
Her home was her palace.

I mean it’s not really your business, is it?

Do you actually know what’s going on inside their home? Or are you and other family members just gossiping?

It is up to her and her h if she has a job or not.

How is this your business?

Steeleydan · 08/05/2026 15:32

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 14:04

Just wondering what you think and need your opinion please.
A woman I know very well is soft, loving and kind a home to her husband and family.
she runs the home super efficiently, is a full time SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times and social life.
Gos friends don’t like her. They accuse her of being controlling, bossy towards him and largely opinionated.
He says she is entirely different at home albeit with a secret alcohol addiction . Secret to outside the family. Relationships were th husband and children are breaking down.
is this the very typical house angel scenario?
I need objectivity please as I’m too close to the family.
just your thoughts please

What are Gos friends?

Frrrout · 08/05/2026 15:23

Do you mean God’s friends don’t like her? Is that why she has to be a stay at home angel?
And who are God’s friends? The Apostles? Surely a few of those are ok with her having a drink? I mean, I’ve seen the picture of The Last Supper and those guys were lit!
And does God live in a palace with her? I thought he was a man of the people?

So many questions. This sounds like an existential crisis!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/05/2026 15:23

SwanRivers · 08/05/2026 14:10

House Angel?

What in God's name is this silly phrase now?

You don't need anyone's thoughts on this because quite frankly it's none of your business.

And if you're going to insist it is then you can go and talk to her about it, and get your answers from her.

I suspect she may be the house angel in question

Lavender14 · 08/05/2026 15:22

I think you have no way of knowing what this dynamic really is. It may well be that's she's abusive and an alcoholic at home, but it also could be that he is controlling and abusive and is bad mouthing her to isolate her and she may be drinking to cope if at all.

I'm not sure why you're asking tbh. How do you know all of this? Is it all from her husband that you are hearing this? Or are you seeing this with your own eyes?

If he's telling you that she's abusive then you need to signpost him to relevant supports.

If he's telling you she's struggling with alcohol then similarly you need to signpost him to relevant supports.

RubyMentor · 08/05/2026 15:22

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 08/05/2026 14:55

House Angel made me think of someone who breaks into your home and cleans it

I need an house angel if that's the case

Original poster

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 15:21

Yes I am available to help but don’t know how to approach it

OP posts:

74username74 · 08/05/2026 15:18

ClownStar · 08/05/2026 15:15

Pastimes. Hobbies.

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Ok thanks. That’s kind of different then. I was thinking what IS there to manage that has been in the past. 😂

KateBushAgain · 08/05/2026 15:18

Are you asking if it’s a typical scenario ?

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 08/05/2026 15:17

Perhaps the wife has had a lifetime of being underappreciated and maybe she's reached a point where she's having some regrets about choices that have been made. Who really knows? But one thing is clear and it's that she is unhappy. Perhaps try to help her.

BH90210 · 08/05/2026 15:16

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 15:11

This is exactly it . She is all of those things but the effects of her drinking has started to cause the breakdown of the family relationships but she doesn’t think she has an addiction. Just some drinks to get through the day.

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Sounds like she needs some support to be honest.
are you able to help her?

ClownStar · 08/05/2026 15:15

74username74 · 08/05/2026 15:14

SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times

You’ve written about past times twice, I genuinely don’t understand what you mean? What does it mean? To me it’s time that has gone by, but then again English is not my first language. I find your post very confusing to say the least.

Edited

Pastimes. Hobbies.

74username74 · 08/05/2026 15:14

SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times

You’ve written about past times twice, I genuinely don’t understand what you mean? What does it mean? To me it’s time that has gone by, but then again English is not my first language. I find your post very confusing to say the least.

Original poster

onlyaparatraik · 08/05/2026 15:11

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 08/05/2026 15:05

I've read the thread for the third time now, it's very confusing. So if I understand correctly from reading the first part, she is very kind and loving at home to her husband and kids, but husband's friends don't like her. But then OP goes on to say that relationships with husband and children are breaking down.

So which is it?

Regarding the friends, it's possible that husband doesn't want to go out and he lacks the backbone to tell his friends the truth, so he says that his wife won't let him.

This is exactly it . She is all of those things but the effects of her drinking has started to cause the breakdown of the family relationships but she doesn’t think she has an addiction. Just some drinks to get through the day.

OP posts: