To think that this person was house angel etc ..

You're definitely the husband and are concerned that your relationship is breaking down because of her "secret" (although not so secret) alcohol addiction. If you are concerned that your otherwise "wonderful" "angel" wife has a drinking problem but isn't admitting it, then I would suggest you get in touch with Al-Anon family support https://al-anonuk.org.uk/. It makes absolutely no difference to the situation you are describing what any of us here think this woman should be called. What should concern you (if indeed you are her husband) is either she gets some help or you get some help (or both of you get some help). None of the other things you've added to this thread are relevant: that she was a SAHM; that your friends don't like her; or that she's socially active. None of those things are causing your relationship to potentially breakdown. Please seek some help for yourself at least.

Why does the family need helping though?

The way you picture it is of this woman who has been a SAHM for years, looks after her family very well, keeps the house tip top and husband seems happy with the set up but his friends don't like the woman and think she is controlling and abusive (and could well be if she has a drinking problem).

Have either of these people come to you for advice or are you the woman in this scenario and are worried the husband will start taking notice of his friends? If you are not directly involved why do you feel the need to help them?

I think the situation is this

The woman is thought of by all as a good housewife/ SAHM as this is the impression everyone gets of her
However her DH has let slip she isnt really like this and has a drink problem , his friends are not keen on her

This is the most confusing post I’ve ever read. I’ve no idea what the situation is…..

I meant that if it was, not even chat gpt could make sense of OP’s post.. I was tempted myself to ask chat gpt to explain. Didn’t mean to offend you, sorry.

I think you should keep your nose out. Her husband should leave if she is so terrible. It's easy for him to give you a version of events to support his narrative.

No, amazingly I'm capable of reading something and asking questions all on my own.

Paragraphs and lists are not the sole preserve of AI.

Chat gpt summarize? Didn’t help much either.

Right, but can you clearly state what the problem is please because I have no idea what you are asking for.

I've no idea what of the following is true and it can't all be:

She has a problem with drink (needing drinks to get through the day is a problem)

She's controlling and isolating her husband/ and possibly children

She's lovely and completely misunderstood by her husbands friends

She's happy at home doing household organisation

She's overworked at home and miserable

She's pleasant (an angel) at home to her husband and children

She's horrible at home to her husband and children, but portrays herself as 'an angel' to people outside the home

This is quite an odd thread and I don't really know what you think you'll get from it.

If you think someone is an alcoholic and you have concerns about the way she treats her husband, just say that, rather than making weird, oblique references to 'does this woman none of you have ever met meet the definition of a 'house angel'' which isn't going to help you in the slightest.

IME of family members and work colleagues with alcohol problems there is very little you can do unless the person acknowledges they have a problem and are ready to accept help.

I doubt anything else can be done about the other issues until the drinking is addressed, and once it is, these other things might nolonger be a concern.

I don't think she sounds like any sort of angel. His friends say she's bossy and controlling, she sounds like she has a miserable life as the stay at home drudge and I'm not surprised to hear she has a 'secret' alcohol addiction.

I'm not sure what or why you want people to agree with your 'house angel' scenario. It feels utterly irrelevant to anything. If you need to offer support to this person or family then do so - but labelling or pigeon holing this woman is not going to achieve anything.

it is very much my business as I am directly affected.

Excellent.

So you can go and speak to them all then 🤷‍♂️

Are you drunk? This thread makes no sense lol

I would have asked her if it was appropriate.

You've answered you own question very early on in the thread.

It's not appropriate because it's none of your business.

You don't need to 'approach' anything.

is a full time SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times and social life.

What grown arse man can’t manage his own clothes and social life? That’s not managing a household, that’s parenting an adult.
A partner should be capable of handling their own clothes, meals, hobbies, and social life instead of outsourcing basic adulthood to their wife.

@onlyaparatraik why are you being so vague? Who are you in relation to this sitiation and what do you want from us exactly?

You have quoted yourself

Why do you feel you should help her?

The typos make your post hard to follow. Gos friends? The alcohol addiction is secret to outside the family? Assume you mean the addiction is a secret outside the family but not inside. Or is she hiding it from the family too? And house angel? That's not the saying. The idea of the saying is the opposite of what I think you mean, which is "Street angel, hearth devil". It means someone who's very different behind closed doors, usually much worse.

I don't really have the foggiest what you're asking, to be honest. How are we supposed to know what this person is like?

I agree. In her mind she has made up the word house angel for herself.

Instead of intoxicated former SAHM now unable to work.

I think House devil, street angel is a German saying for people who are horrible behind closed doors, but sweet and charming to the outside world

I think the OP is drunk and the person she is referring to is herself.

The reason being - her writing style appears she is under the influence and no one would refer to a controlling alcoholic as a house angel.

I have never heard this saying. It’s probably because no one says it. If shes controlling and an abusive alcoholic then she’s not an angel.

Why are you giving her headspace?

I think it's "His friends don’t like her. They accuse her of being controlling, bossy towards him and largely opinionated."