To not know what I’ll do with myself

This really made me smile

Find something you love to do that makes you money. Being self-sufficient is absolutely essential. Sick days and school holidays are not hard to manage with 2 engaged parents. Dh and I both worked mostly FT, me with a long London commute for many years, and we’ve always had no problems.

It’s so important to be in a position to take care of your family financially though. I got cancer 2 years ago and had to leave my job. I haven’t been able to go back yet and at most will probably never be more than part time due to the disability I’ve been left with. If your Dh had to leave work, would you survive? Would you keep your house? Would you be able to pivot and be the breadwinner for the next 20 years? It’s so important not to rest on your laurels and assume it could never happen to you, because it absolutely could.

I'm 39 with 4 dc, 17,15,11,11, husband was saying to the Dr today that post proctolectomy he produces no fluid on ejaculation, thank fuck as I couldn't cope with a baby now. All my sahm years were spent with either the twins, school library, school trips, school forest school/swimming lessons, whilst trying to do a OU degree.

I had no trouble at all when my youngest started school. I could breathe! But she left for uni almost two years ago and I certainly do feel adrift now.

Your child’s school would probably really appreciate your help with listening to the children read?

Just take your time @StopOttering

We have two, I had and took the option of being a stay at home, I got everything done during the short school day hours, walked to collect them, we took our time walking home went the scenic route/to the park, chatted, we had that breathing space because we didn’t have to rush, the housework, food prep, admin, was all done so the time when they came out was just for them.

Becoming involved in your children’s school’s PTA might be an option, helping organise events to raise cash for the fun extras? Why not? You have the time. And can meet some very impressive mums you never know what chance meetings lead to.

@Cocktailglass I meant it is not necessarily the definition of your life . The OP had already said she can afford to be a SAHM .

Finding joy and purpose in your own life as YOU and only you should be a positive thing. Not knowing what that looks like yet is unsettling, I get it, but you’re lucky to have the time and financial freedom to figure it out. You are highly privileged.

Adding to the volunteering suggestion. Many places are crying out for volunteers so there's bound to be something locally. For example, do you have one of the local charities which drives people to doctor and hospital appointments? Or, if you have the right skills, treasurer for a local organisation. Or going into schools listening to readers like with the Bookmark Reading programme. Community shops or cafes. I'm sure you will fill you time immediately!

I’m a civil servant and we have part time / part year worker staff, so work around school hours and off all school hols. Still earn a decent amount, plus decent pension. I have always been a working parent, and can’t imagine having kids in school and not working, but if you don’t need the income and you’re not desperate to build a career for yourself then don’t. But remember one day they grow up. My youngest of 3 left school today (she’s 18) and i’ve loved raising them, but always been glad there’s another part of me that it’s just x’s mum.

Work is 'overrated'? Most of us have to and if you don't then very fortunate, unless due to medical conditions of course. What a strange thing to say...

This is a luxury question to pose so just do what makes you happy 😊 personally I would probably volunteer at a dog shelter/cultivate our allotment/help out with charities.

And I work 20 hours a week! I just love raising little ones but my husband works shifts so I would be by myself sometimes in the evenings but I'm kind of used to it now. I just want someone to make the decision for me because for me it's either now or never ..

I'm in the same position but I'm 33, eldest in Y3, youngest starting school and since June last year I have thought about having another every single day. I thrive being a mum and being busy I honestly don't know what to do. But then I think three

I volunteered. I also went to the gym, had a routine of daily chores, sometimes met a friend or had them over. It’s surprising how fast those hours go by.

The time will go quicker than you think.

I'm not telling you that you have to work, but don't let illness or school hols put you off. There are term time only jobs, and all around you will be single parents and families with 2 working parents who all make the holidays work. They muddle through and you can too. I worked 3 days a week which dealt with 40% of hols at a stroke, and a combo of DH leave, my leave and the odd few days of holiday club sorted the rest. Holiday clubs are opportunities as well as childcare. My children have done outward bound stuff, sailing, gymnastics & dance with their usual teachers, coding, music, trampoline park.

I completely understand where you are coming from. It's such a massive transition! You spend years running around, and suddenly they reach an age where they are more independent and you're left wondering who you are outside of being a mum. Be gentle with yourself. It's okay to not know right away. Maybe start small by carving out an hour a day just for an old hobby or even just enjoying a hot cup of tea in peace, and see where it leads. Sending hugs!

My youngest is also starting school in September. I'm not planning to work in any significant capacity. I'm planning to get all our little snagging list of DIY done, go to the gym every day, shop and cook for nice meals, volunteer to hear the little kids read at school, carry on volunteering for the village charity, running our elderly neighbour around once a week etc etc. I might even read the odd book. 😂

I am always intrigued when people say 'at X age I wouldn't risk it' how high they think the risk at age 38 really is relative to in this case a pregnancy at 33. I've had a quick look and found an Australian University study where it shows the risk of any genetic abnormality comparing a pregnancy at 20 to a pregnancy at 38 is less than 1% difference and a less than 1% risk overall at all ages between 20 and 38. In the case of the OP the risk of a genetic abnormality was 0.35% with her younger child compared to 0.79% if she got pregnant right now before turning 38 (and at 38 it will still be below 1%).

I meant to add: the only people I know who work and have the flexibility I have around pick ups, holidays etc are freelancers.

I had a part-time job at my kids' school which was pretty perfect. I gave it up last year as one of my kids had some medical stuff going on and I wasn't reliably there when needed. Since then I have felt a bit of a spare part at times at home. However, I'm very grateful I'm home for afternoons, holidays, when they are poorly, etc, so overall I wouldn't change it.

I understand, it's really hard isn't it. I'd get a part time job to fit school hours but I understand how sad it is.

Get all your jobs done in those few hours, work out, take up a hobby. The time will fly and you’ll be fresh and able to be the best mum you can when they are back. You still have a long afternoon/ evening with them every day.

you can keep weekends free of drudgery and really enjoy them.

At 38 I wouldn’t risk trying for another when you have two healthy young children.

At your age I’d have got a job but as a family it works for all of you if you don’t and it’s your preference then don’t. Do you have a pension money could go into and would your household finances cover that?

From when I was a sahp you literally start cleaning, then someone’s forgotten something or you need to drop something somewhere, bring someone to an appointment then it’s time to collect. People act like you sit about twiddling your thumbs but you don’t. And I generally get a phone call from the school once every two weeks to go in/ collect someone. You’ll be fine!!

If money is ok, then, as others have said volunteering can be very rewarding. We have one friend, who is now over 80, but has been a bereavement counsellor for 30 years, others have been on committees for the local hospice, another on the board of the committee that runs a huge annual event. Care home, senior and children often neen volunteers to accompany their residents to take them out, and if course there are all the charity shops if you like retail. With young children, you would probably be welcome at your nearest childrens hospice. We have 2 local theatres that run on volunteers, our local parks now have volunteer gardeners, so there is work to suit any skill set. And it is very rewarding.