AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

Why would she ask them to agree if they want it cancelled??? She takes care of their needs and she is under absolutely no obligation to ask them if they agree for her to cancel the child maintenance.

"If you mean that you, and not they, find it insulting that's irrelevant as it really has nothing to do with you"

Are you fucking joking????? It has nothing to do with her 😂 WTF did I just read???

Hahaha yeah he is contributing to their lives indeed 😂 what rubbish

Do you not see how insulting that is? She does everything to look after them while he continues £364 for 3 children a year and somehow you label it "contributing to their lives".

I'm sure OP can give her kids a day out in summer and takeaway between Christmas and New Year without his £7 a week.

Op think of it as money to buy toilet paper 🧻 or cat litter.

Mark the email as junk. So they go to your junk box rather than something you see.

Well its £365 a year. Would you chuck that out of a moving car window??
Yes I get its insulting but stick it in an account for your children and share it out between them when they're older or have a lovely family day or two out every summer etc

I only seem to get one once a year to show what payments I should be getting for the next year

£7 a week in a child isa for 18 years is £9500. When they 18 use it to pay for driving lessons etc.

My mum did.
my dad paid £5 a month for my brother and nothing for me.
it might come up one day.

as a child this happened to as a now 36 year old -
I agree with saving it.
Change the account it goes into so you don’t see it, no regular reminder for you, and split it between the two of them when they reach 18 when it stops

Of course it's shit. It's totally rubbish and a pathetic amount.

But I would still collect it. Collect it and spend it however will make you feel better. I would be tempted to spend it on something utterly frivolous for myself.

I do think it's worth getting some counselling though. Or just doing some reflecting. It's clearly a situation you can't change but you can change how you respond to it. I have a similarly shit ex but am long since past being angry all the time.

1. He is their dad, he should pay.

2. This amounts to £6,550 over 18 years. If you invested this week by week in a stocks and shares ISA for them it would grow into a tidy little sum - or certainly would have done over the past 18 years.

3. Given the above, you could argue that you don’t have the right to deprive your children of money that is legally intended for them.

Absolutely. I continued to claim CS for my children from their father while he was unemployed despite him being pissed off by this because it’s the right thing for him to do. Also as he’s a shit, uninvolved (and abusive) father, the occasional reminder from CMS and his bank statements that he’s fathered 2 children can only be a good thing.

@SquishmallowsS You should keep it just to spite the useless twat. Look at your cms settings so that you don't have to receive a reminder every month.

I get what you mean but no I wouldn’t cancel it. This man has a moral and legal obligation to financially support his children. That money, however pathetically low, is theirs. It’s not yours to effectively “take away” from them.

Kids might not want money but they always need stuff.
You could think of it as theres £28 towards everyday living, cleaning stuff & bog roll.

Whatever things you need in this world that you hate paying for thats what this covers, I hate paying for parking.

The kids might care and they might not, who can know this?

I would keep the money though, think of it as a boost to your Child Benefit payment. Who would turn down a £7pw increase in CHB? It's not nothing if you put it like that.

If you're not going to miss the money, then maybe it should go into a tax free savings account for the kids, so they'll have money towards a rent deposit or something.

Its absolutely not enough and is a pathetic contribution (if you can even call it a contribution...)
However, aside from that it is still something which your children will benefit from in some way.
It should be far more, but you should take it rather than having nothing based on principal, as it will still benefit them in a very small way.

My mum stopped my birth father paying maintenance because my stepfather had a saviour complex. Yes I resented her.

I would keep taking it if I could be bothered and buy toilet paper with it as that would childishly amuse me.

Yes, and as I said, both can be true.
Literally nobody on this thread has said it's a lot to support a child on its own. But as a lump yearly sum it is worth spending.

although if you are reading "the other threads" the same way as this one (selectively picking the posts that agree with you) it explains a lot.

You can set your emails up so everything from CMS gets automatically deleted or goes into a specific folder without you ever having to see them, and change bank account so the £7 just goes straight in there if it's the reminder that annoys you.

No, I think I would resent him not playing a part in my life, but I wouldn’t care if you didn’t collect £7 a week if you don’t need it.

Again, nobody has said they think you should be grateful. Accepting the measly payment doesn't equate to being grateful for it, and nobody has suggested that.

I've never had a bank account that's done that and I've saved with quite a lot of different banks. I'm sure you can turn off notifications if they do.

But it's pretty obvious this is eating you up. This thread is probably just making you more furious. Clearly the amount is an insulting pittance, of that there is no doubt. Just cancel it if reminds you of him and his uselessness constantly.

£7 a week is £6500 over a child's life so yes that would make a huge difference to my life as it would pay for a summer holiday!!

You don't even have to tell them it's the money from their dad.