AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

He is a disgrace

Is it £28 a month per child? Why not just put into their Bank account?

it all addd up over time doesn’t it?

It’s not a question of whether it’s supposed to be saved, it's what posters are saying they would do in your specific situation as you say you don’t need the money yourself.

I really do sympathise but the fact is that however little it is, it is still money in your pocket. I genuinely dont understand the on going anger.

He is a loser. He is the man living on the bare minimum when he retires, with no contact with his kids and almost certainly on his own and lonely. He is a joke.

Why so much anger? Would it not be better for your MH to come to peace with what a loser he is and how much better you are doing. As the saying goes, the best revenge is a life well lived. You have that, he doesnt. You won.

You don't have to say it was the money from their dad
But it's better in your childs pocket than his. His £7 per week doesn't go anywhere to supporting them, no-one is saying it is
Ultimately you need to either decide to cancel cms because you're getting so annoyed or decide what to do with the money. Those are your choices, you need to pick one and stop giving it so much head space

It's still money, whatever it is. I don't see the problem with putting it into an account for them to spend on themselves when they are older.

We had an equally a**whole birth mum paying £5 a week …. I truly understand where you’re coming from however it annoyed her much more giving that than us receiving so we kept the claim open! She hadn’t declared a few things and payments went up much to her horror so jobs got given up so she didn’t have to pay more than the £5 🙄.
kids know how much she paid, know it was a pittance and also understand it didn’t even pay for a cinema ticket. 1 is no contact, 1 is minimal…
keep it open! Pop in a separate account and at some point what’s there will or could pay towards a family holiday or something and they don’t even need to know where the funds came from 😊

People are more suggesting is as something Op could do with it if she wants the pride of being able to say she raised the kids without his help or money.

Personally I think she should mentally ear mark it for something she grudges spending money on, but something she needs.

However I think the emails upset her more than the money

No one is saying you should be grateful. No one is saying £7 a month is remotely reasonable or adequate. No one is saying what a great father he is.

You’ve been completely done over and have every right to feel bitter, angry and want to cut off all contact with such a useless irresponsible man. However, posters are just saying you might as well take the little that he’s giving you because it can be of some use.

I know that’s hard for you because I guess you taking the money is like you accepting that this measly amount is ok. Like accepting that it’s perfectly reasonable for an adult man with multiple kids to get away with only paying out £28 a month. What on earth would he do if he had custody and actually had to pay for them all of them day in day out?

Ultimately it’s a really shit situation that you’re having to bear the brunt of. Only you can decide if you want to continue accepting that insulting amount of money. It’s not enough and it IS like he’s getting away with it but maybe if you can save it and treat yourself and/or family to something with it each year at least you get something out of it.

Your children won’t care at all.

But I think you’re causing yourself unnecessary stress by caring about these payments so much yourself.

Yoir ex is a write-off. That’s the way it is and you can’t change it. Don’t let the payments feel so meaningful.

It’s free money. Take it and save it for your kids. You don’t have to declare it as some great “gift from Dad” when you hand it over. Just say “unfortunately the money your father could afford to send you was so minuscule that it would have made no impact on a day-to-day basis. So I saved it up and now it’s a small lump sum.”

Well its about £350 a year. If there's another 5 years to go thats £1750. Not a bad gift split between them on their 18th birthdays. Im sure theyd rather have it than not.

A couple thousand each plus interest as a young adult starting out would be helpful and wanted by many. I would rather have had it than not. Yes it sucks but you could always save it for them and give them the choice, or use it for a car repair/something fun/whatever.

No, definitely not. My ex was a gambler and ran up a lot of debt so didn’t contribute at all when the kids were younger. However he was there for them as a dad and so they didn’t need to know, still don’t know, about our financial arrangements when they were children.

If he's on benefits, isn't it the taxpayer paying it?
And I'm not, in any way, criticising people who are on benefits for genuine reasons. I wouldn't want to live in a country which didn't have a welfare system. My point is that you seem to be asking if your children will be annoyed that their dad isn't paying for them?

I wouldn't cancel it, yes its a pitiful amount per week and i can understand why it feels insulting but if you pop it into a savings account for them it can add up over the year and maybe pay for a couple of days out or go towards a holiday

I got stitched up when I got divorced 20+ years ago as agreed that I’d accept the support figure agreed by the CSA. ExBloodyH proceeded to put all his income through his business and I got £ 10 per child (3) per week; didn’t cover their school dinner money.

Doesnt sound like it, but do you want to give him that money, because thats what you would be doing.

It's not your money so irrelevant if they would resent it or not. Its theirs. It's your role to ensure they get everything they are entitled to - and as others said if you don't want to deal with it put it away in a savings account.

He sounds awful.

Personally, I’d keep receiving whatever was sent and keep it for kids when they’re older.

Will they resent it stopping? I guess that depends on what they’re told and by whom. They may be a bit miffed that a small amount of savings could have been there to help with driving or a deposit etc. but equally they may never know.

I don’t think anyone I know has really discussed specifics of maintenance with their children.