AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

Give it to them as pocket money?

I think, OP, I am the kind of character who would frame this as 'No, my kids aren't buying you an extra pint a week'

But that's easy for me to say and I don't know how ardous it is to claim - you must do what's best for you. It's not about the money really.

I don’t think you should be grateful or whatever, I do think teenagers are incredibly expensive and interested in money so saving it into a pot that gets split seems the most sensible plan rather than just ditching it. I know at least one of mine would have been quite frustrated if I’d refused money that could have been theirs.

50p a day per child is pittance and so low nothing would be easier to grasp. He can go around telling people he's on benefits but still has to pay child maintenance to children I don't get to see poor me.

How old are the children? I would be tempted to give it to them as pocket money as money lesson. You want to go bowling with your friends, well that's 3 weeks of your dad's child maintenance, go out for the day you have to chose between a drink or an ice cream or a snack the money doesn't stretch far. I can provide you with the rest.

My mum didn't receive a penny from my sister's biological father. She never asked but she knew during their relationship that it was her that paid the child maintenance to his children from a previous relationship. My sister didn't any contact with biological father from 4-16 and from 16-45 she's only had one evening and one phone call with him. She is only grateful that my mum provided her with a happy and stable home. She has grown up knowing she is loved, cared for and her needs met. She has always known that her dad paid nothing and I think if my mum had been paid a tiny amount I don't think that would have made any difference.

Both things can be true though.

Yes he should be ashamed, £7 a week is a pitiful amount.

BUT it’s still money for the kids and I wouldn’t cancel it just on the principal. If you don’t want to spend it then stick it into an account and it can just be a little lump of money they get at 18. £7 a week is nothing but over the years it could end up being a few grand to help towards a car or insurance or a holiday.

It’s a pathetic amount of money and he is a waste of space.

in your situation, if money makes no difference to you financially, I would go down the least effortfull way. If the £7 arrives in your account, fine, if not also fine and don’t Chase.

I personally would also buy something nice for myself every week costing £7 ( irrespective of whether he paid or not). A small bunch of flowers, bar of chocolate etc. Treat yourself for being saddled with that idiot!

no need to mention anything to the kids. If they ask, you can say he was unreliable so you covered everything to ensure they consistently had what they needed. Job done.

How old are the kids?

They must know their dad is a loser if he hasn't worked in ten years.

Yes, it’s peanuts in the great scheme of things, but 52 x £7 = £364, so I’d be saving it for e.g. summer holiday treats, or for something special at Christmas, e.g. panto tickets.

It’s such a pathetic amount that he has to pay. It is disgraceful that it is down to you to raise including financially his children and his only contribution is the equivalent of a couple of chocolate bars a week! I don’t think I would bother chasing it either as it wouldn’t be worth my time.

1. MN isn't a homogenous hive mind, there are something like 8 million unique users a month, some people will say £250 isn't worth saving (who exactly, this sounds ridiculous to me), it doesn't mean everyone will

2. Its possible both for people to agree that CMP are both ridiculously, disgustingly low, AND that is makes no sense to refuse additional money you are entitled to. It's still over £350 a year - could make the difference between going on a school trip or not, or buying a pair of trainers or whatever.

I wouldn't cancel it for several reasons
= he might get a new job and have to pay more - you think it's unlikely but a different govt could cut down hugely on benefits
= it's still additional money, with the COL every little helps.
= if he ever gets in touch when they're older he could argue "I was paying but your mother cancelled it", which would be completely true. He could say "I was going to pay more but your mother said she didn't want it" and there's no way of disproving it.
= if he's on benefits it probably represents a bigger percentage of his income than yours, so I would want to claim that just to spite him for being such a shit father.
= kids might want to get in touch with him when they're older (or need to for medical info or whatever) - if he's still paying there's a paper trail to follow, otherwise in 10 years time he could move anywhere and be hard to find.

However you seem to only be looking for people to agree with you, so you do you.

It's not the children's money to want or not want. It's the OP's money.

I don't understand that either.

i also don't think your kids will care in the future, they'll either understand & support your decision or just not care at all. I find it hard to imagine any adult giving a fuss about £7 per month (let alone between them
all).

if it stops you feeling shit each month, then cancel it. Personally I'd rather he was losing that tiny bit of money each month & being reminded he has kids out there. 💁🏻‍♀️

Also, it's actually not got anything to do with your kids. It's money for you to 'help raise them' (forgive me while I laugh! 🤣🤣🤣) it's not money for them to have. So it's you 'missing out' - not them!

Good point

I know what you mean but the way I see it is that money is for the children, use it for anything that benefits them, you wouldn't save it up for handbags would you? In this scenario, she's not relying on it for bills so to just stop taking it, who does that benefit except the deadbeat dad.

I'd only consider canceling it if the children agree that THEY do not want it, and they are old enough to understand the situation. If you mean that you, and not they, find it insulting that's irrelevant as it really has nothing to do with you - it's for the benefit of the children, and it's their parents' responsibility to provide for them to the best of each parent's ability. It's disappointing that the dad can't manage more right now, but that doesn't mean he should be prevented from or let off the hook from contributing. And while he is paying, there's the chance that he may be mandated to pay more if his financial circumstances improve. And if you really think he's laughing about getting away with paying £7 a week per child, don't you think he'll be laughing harder at paying nothing?

Put it in a Jisa or savings account for the kids when they get to 18.

I agree but “the money is the kids” is the same shit that many men pull because apparently their kids don’t need to have money for housing, food, water or electricity because it might benefit mum at the same time. It’s the language of control from men.

I still think a separate bank account where OP can’t see it is the way to go.

Also if you refuse it what if his earnings go up?

£7 a week is £364 a year. It's not enough to raise a child but in a bank account it will add up and yes perhaps your kids would resent it if they could have had a few £1000 in the bank from their dad. It's as if you don't want them to have anything from him which is more about you.