AIBU to think my children would not care about £7 maintenance?

I would leave it as is. I think it's a slap in the face but you never know what might happen in the future; say as the kids get older he does end up having contact with them. You have no idea what kind of bullshit he might spin them "Your Mum refused to let me see you so I gave her plenty of money to make sure you had everything" or something along those lines.

At least if you keep the payments going then you have hard proof to show your kids if they ever question your version of events. I get how much it sucks but I'd almost see it as gathering evidence against future lies.

Take the £7 per week but save the same amount for the kids from your money. Then when they are older gift it from you, not deadbeat dad.

Totally. It’s actually really irritated me that is suggested and an acceptable idea. Why should dad’s money be special and kept aside or used for fun things (PP said similar). Any teen woukd be thrilled to receive a couple of grand and if told it’s dad’s money it’s going to influence how they feel about everything as wuote a vunerable time for them (I’m turning into adults going off to be independent etc). They probably won’t have given their dad a second thought for years then to be presented with a big lump sum could easily have them spiralling down a “oh look dad did care about me after all - look at all this money he saved for me” because that age a few grand seems like millions and they won’t necessarily consider how little it was weekly and how much YOU spend on comparison. I just wouldn’t do it.

if you wish them to know esp as get older and are budgeting I’d tell them £7 for all of them is paid by dad (even explain via a govt agency ie he doesn’t so himself) to help with their costs. Then (age appropriately) say so “that pays for 1/10th of our electricity this month, or “that covered one jumper each every winter” etc etc. not in a nasty way but they’ll soon pick up how little it is.

I think they will just generally one day think what a lazy piece of shit he is. I doubt that unless you tell them, how will they know? But they will certainly know he never worked and never provided for them.

My dad was court ordered to pay maintenance but never did. He basically told my mum that he would not go for any contact as long as she didn’t pursue the maintenance. She, sensibly probably, chose to keep me safe and forgo the money. I never had to have an overnight with my dad. But I was well aware that he provided no support for me whatsoever.

When I turned 18, he made a grand gesture of beginning to send me a whole £200 a month to make sure I was ‘taken care of’. I told him to shove it. When he died not that long after, I still had cheques I’d never deposited because I wouldn’t take his money. I knew what a lazy controlling shit he was.

That said, I would still take his money simply so he has less. Put it in savings for them and give it to them one day (from you! Not him!) for when they need to buy a car. I save £20 a month for each of my dc. They have a few thousand pounds each now.

Hundreds of times because its so fucking depressingly common......

I don't believe your children would necessarily resent it. But that's £365 per year, or the equivalent of sending your ex an extravagant birthday & Xmas present. Or a meal out/nice takeaway every month as a reward for being feckless. I would keep it and spend it on the kids no matter how insulting the amount is (and yes, it obviously is)

It’s not him saving it. It’s you. It would be a lump sum saved by you for them, I don’t think anyone suggesting saving it would mean to present it from him (bonkers if they did)

As I said above, for me it was as much about the needle in his side every month as much as the money. That little reminder that you can try and pretend they dont exist but I am not going to let you!

And people saying £350 is nothing, well it aint much but its £350 in her pocket and not his, and there is a principle.

I would save it and spend it on a nice treat for myself once a year! I really would. You pay for literally everything for these kids, so a) you get something nice as a reward and b) it would send him into orbit if he found out so thats always a nice little feeling!

People don’t react differently!
You are not asking if £28 is enough (it isn’t), you are saying that as it is not enough then you want to receive even less.

I would not forfeit £300 a year, it is not enough, but still better than nothing!

The interest on winnings count as income.

unlikely, but it’s the same as inheritance in that respect.

Could u get it sent directly into savings account so you dont see it.

Then save it and call it your savings. His tiny amount can go towards the electric bill. Even small amounts of money add up over the years it seems a bit daft not to have it and save it.

We’ve had this thread before haven’t we?

So don’t tell them where it came from… why do you think your kids need to know the minutia of your finances?

£7 a week saved over 15 years at 4^ compound growth is £7,477 or a whole year's rent of a university halls room for your child..

If you can afford to throw away that sort of money, you can send it my way !!

would it change if he inherited money?

What parent involves their kids in adult finances though?

They're not going to have a clue it's 'dad's money'.

I think the fact he doesn't see them is a bigger indicator that he's a loser.

Sooo... dad's money buys the fun things while mum's buys the invisible essentials? Yeah those sound like great lessons.

I don’t think they will know or care. Cancel it if you want. If he asks say it’s a pathetic amount so clearly he needs it and you’re more capable of looking after his kids alone. Although PP idea is a good one - give it to the kids as pocket money.

YABU

• Save it in a jar and give it to the kids for holiday spending
• Give it to charity

😂 that's a bummer.

I totally see your point and as for your main question, your kids will love and appreciate all you have done for them. There's a chance he many suddenly become a Disney dad and try to buy them back but most kids will see through all that over time and know which parent was there for them.

And your kids getting upset that you cancelled less than £3 for each of them a week is far-fetched and unrealistic.

And based on your update that he doesn't even see the kids and has been on even fits for over 10 years I wouldn't even bother with him TBH, I agree there's no point.

And those people saying but it's £350 a year, that just highlights how insulting it is and how we are enabling a system that allows men to get away with this at the expense of the mothers.