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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Perfect' house or lifestyle?

66 replies

MumofCandR · 08/05/2026 10:48

I have a conundrum. I have a lovely house which we have extended into the attic and sides and rear. We did the work, it's lovely and has everything I want - double ovens, underfloor heating, well insulated, lovely windows, you get the idea. It's a 4 bed and 2 bathrooms one with a shower and 1 with a bath. Large garden that is hard to maintain, lovely views though. We both work long hours and pressurised jobs and I am heading towards 50... Decent pensions. Over 20 years left on the mortgage at the minute . However we still have some loans we would like to clear and a large mortgage, part of which will renew in January 2027 and will likely increase by £100 mth. We could sell and purchase a nice house we like in a similar area but even nicer location close to lots of lovely outside space. It's a 3 bed though and one bathroom with a bath and one toilet. The space downstairs is similar except it has one less living area - which we currently use in our house for the kids games space. And less storage and smaller garden. But - if we move we would clear some loans and the part of the mortgage that's going up in January and be better off by around 600 mth. We earn good salaries but this money would free up options to travel more with our kids, eat out more which we like, save more.... We would also have 50k leftover which would invest in long term bonds. Our kids are tween and young teen. We love the idea of downsizing the mortgage and loans and having more financial freedom but are scared we would regret the downsize.... Has anyone done this, did you regret your move or has it made life better? Any insight appreciated.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 08/05/2026 15:11

There is no way I would downsize to share a bathroom with my teen or get rid of any social space for teens to hang out. But I don’t allow gaming or TV in bedrooms.

ScotchBonnet74 · 08/05/2026 15:03

deplorabelle · 08/05/2026 13:54

I read it as one bathroom containing the only toilet. If there's a downstairs loo that helps massively.

Tbh what I think is unrealistic about the OP's plan is how much cash is being liberated. If there's really enough cash left over for a big lifestyle jump, clear debts AND give the kids a chunk of money then the downsize is too drastic and they could look at a slightly better house that's less of a cut in space.

The OP has worked out they will save £600 a month. How is that being unrealistic if they have looked at the figures? I also wouldn't say that going from a 4 bedroomed house to 3 beds is 'drastic'. Drastic would be moving into a 2 bed flat or a caravan!

MumofCandR · 08/05/2026 14:51

Thank you all for contributing - so many good points to think through, that has been really helpful. Lots of food for thought. There is a downstairs toilet but just one bathroom upstairs, I think that will be ok my two never want to shower anyway lol.

OP posts:
notnorman · 08/05/2026 14:11

deplorabelle · 08/05/2026 13:03

I'm going to go against the grain slightly. To go from two bathrooms to one with younger teenagers is probably okay but the economic reality is that one or both children could be living with you into their twenties and at that point the extra space and privacy will be very welcome for all of you.

That said, it's going to come down to how affordable the mortgage is in your current place because if you're stretched too thin, it may be that you can't afford to keep the bigger house.

Agree. Ours really value their own bathrooms

deplorabelle · 08/05/2026 13:54

ScotchBonnet74 · 08/05/2026 13:18

I disagree with this. We have 2 bathrooms, one with a bath and one with a shower and only the one with the shower ever gets used. Kids (15 and 12) shower in the evening and we shower in the morning. It is never an issue. As long as there is a 2nd loo (and the OP says there is). It's only for 4 people. How long does a person stay in the shower? It's hard enough to get a teenager to even have one! And where do you draw the line? It would be handy to have a 2nd kitchen for when the kids want to cook for themselves, or a 2nd dining room for when one teenager has fallen out with the other one! I would say go for the smallest house that will comfortably meet your needs, and if that means one person may have to wait an extra 5 minutes to have their shower, that is a small price to pay to free up so much money and clear all the debts.

I read it as one bathroom containing the only toilet. If there's a downstairs loo that helps massively.

Tbh what I think is unrealistic about the OP's plan is how much cash is being liberated. If there's really enough cash left over for a big lifestyle jump, clear debts AND give the kids a chunk of money then the downsize is too drastic and they could look at a slightly better house that's less of a cut in space.

Swissmeringue · 08/05/2026 13:39

This is precisely why we live in a 3 bed cottage with no mortgage. I do occasionally look at bigger houses and think "oooooh pretty" and moan about our lack of storage but then I think about the fact that we're completely debt free, I'm free to work or not work (freelance) as suits us and we go on lovely holidays and days out with the kids without worrying about the cost.

I vote lifestyle, especially if you're not losing out on location for the kids as they get older.

Savvysix1984 · 08/05/2026 13:34

I’d rather have a nice lifestyle, if the house was big enough and in the right location.

ScotchBonnet74 · 08/05/2026 13:18

deplorabelle · 08/05/2026 13:03

I'm going to go against the grain slightly. To go from two bathrooms to one with younger teenagers is probably okay but the economic reality is that one or both children could be living with you into their twenties and at that point the extra space and privacy will be very welcome for all of you.

That said, it's going to come down to how affordable the mortgage is in your current place because if you're stretched too thin, it may be that you can't afford to keep the bigger house.

I disagree with this. We have 2 bathrooms, one with a bath and one with a shower and only the one with the shower ever gets used. Kids (15 and 12) shower in the evening and we shower in the morning. It is never an issue. As long as there is a 2nd loo (and the OP says there is). It's only for 4 people. How long does a person stay in the shower? It's hard enough to get a teenager to even have one! And where do you draw the line? It would be handy to have a 2nd kitchen for when the kids want to cook for themselves, or a 2nd dining room for when one teenager has fallen out with the other one! I would say go for the smallest house that will comfortably meet your needs, and if that means one person may have to wait an extra 5 minutes to have their shower, that is a small price to pay to free up so much money and clear all the debts.

deplorabelle · 08/05/2026 13:03

I'm going to go against the grain slightly. To go from two bathrooms to one with younger teenagers is probably okay but the economic reality is that one or both children could be living with you into their twenties and at that point the extra space and privacy will be very welcome for all of you.

That said, it's going to come down to how affordable the mortgage is in your current place because if you're stretched too thin, it may be that you can't afford to keep the bigger house.

Summerhillsquare · 08/05/2026 11:59

I always choose lifestyle. No desire to be a wage slave.

Whyarepeople · 08/05/2026 11:53

We could move to a bigger, fancier house be we have no mortgage which to me is far, far more valuable. It gives us such freedom not to have to worry about paying for our house - it's ours no matter what.

That said, I would think carefully about buying a house that doesn't have a downstairs toilet. I have a few relatives who have really struggled due to illness and reducing mobility and not having a downstairs toilet. It seems a small thing but it becomes a much bigger problem as you get older.

zurigo · 08/05/2026 11:33

I haven't done it, but in your situation I think I'd move. You'll have much greater financial security, which will mean much better quality of life, and that would win for me. Always make your life better, if you can.

ScotchBonnet74 · 08/05/2026 11:25

If you are just as happy with the area where the smaller house is located, I would definitely do that. Paying off your mortgage and freeing up that money for 'fun money' will allow you to make lovely memories before your kids fly the nest. When they are older, I can guarantee they won't be reminiscing about the extra loo! Also with forever rising costs, paying off your mortgage will buy you peace of mind which is priceless. Good luck with whatever you decide.

ImFckingMattDamon · 08/05/2026 11:21

We are not quite in the same position as you, as we have recently made the decision to not upsize to the big 4 bed detached for similar reasons to those you have for downsizing. Staying in our current 3 bed in a great area means we dont have the fancy show home, but ours is perfectly adequate for our needs and means that we can lead a comfortable lifestyle without many financial pressures. We are able to take our son away on holidays and save a lot for him so that hopefully he will have a deposit for his own house when the time comes. The security of not having to worry about mortgage/bills increases outweighs the need for a dream home for us.

MumofCandR · 08/05/2026 11:14

Thanks for the insight. Our current house is a 20m walk to school and 15m walk to a bus into the city centre (20m by bus). My son's friends are a 15m walk away and my daughter's are 40m walk away, close to the house we're looking at. The alternative house is 40m walk to school ( my daughter's friends are close and walk) and the bus is 2 minutes walk to it and a similar ride into the city. So they're very similar!

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 08/05/2026 10:50

For me this would depend on the areas.

when my kids were teens we lived somewhere with zero public transport and had to drive them everywhere. I wouldn’t make that choice again.

if the new house gives your kids the opportunity to be more independent - walk or cycle or bus to friends - then I’d absolutely take it.

if it’s in the middle of nowhere I’d think hard.