'Perfect' house or lifestyle?

Why spend so much money doing all the extensions and now want to sell and downgrade. You are going to pay stamp duty and fees and costs mot good planning. Why so all that work if its not really needed?

Having read tbe thread on when DC are most expensive. I would definitely consider downsizing if your DC would ever consider going to university. Also, if there's an option not to have to work until you're 70 to have to pay off the mortgage I would take it.

I would aim to downsize once the oldest has left home or ideally once the youngest has finished A-Levels if you can hang on for so long financially. If not make the move now-ish. Aim to avoid GCSE/A-level disruption.

Id start thinking ahead to long term / retirement

When we moved here, we joked that we'd never need to move. Now stamp duty is so high, im glad we wont need to

Lifestyle … always

And just coming back to say that you've framed it like its something you're pondering, so i previously offered some pros and cons but if this is simply a case that you've overextended yourself then my advice would be different and I'd say bite the bullet and downsize and make the decision now that you won't get caught up in the new house with ideas of loans to make improvements or you'll end up in a similar position again.

I totally get how easy it is to fall into the trap of thinking the next tweak will make a big improvement and then the next, and then rationalising that it's best to get a loan to enjoy the improvements sooner.

But if you're downsizing, then that's exactly what you're doing, downsizing. Not repeating the process of buying a house and improving it.

Best of luck! Moving is a hard decision x

Do bear in mind that now is not buzzing in the housing market (although I don't know what area you are in) and also look at how close you are to neighbours in the new place. Potential source of (different) stress. Are you likely to have to keep an eye on elderly parents? Would it suit you to build a granny annexe in the larger garden?

We live in a mid terrace 2 bed/1 bath with a super cheap mortgage currently locked for another 4 years. I’m so grateful we do, it’s meant Ive been through two maternity leaves pretty easily, renovated it without taking money out, gone on some nice holidays etc. I’m due back to work in Jan so going to use the next few years to save like crazy, before the inevitable happens and we will have to upsize, and probably over double our mortgage!

I'd think hard about why you spent so much doing up the house before moving. Presumably it was to address a need, so does the new house deliver that?

We are in the opposite position of having a perfectly adequate house and choosing not to upsize because its a lot of money and while it solves some problems, like more garden space and a few extra rooms, it brings others.

So once you've spent money to move, do you think you'll be happy?

From a place of zero judgement or being patronising, is selling the house going to deliver what you think it will? Have you done the calculations, factoring in all costs, because i think youd have to be selling high and buying low to release the money you want for the life you describe. And the age your kids are at means that things the point in your life where you'll need the biggest home.

Can you wait just a few years, as your location seems ideal for your lifestyle currently and the house suits you. What about planning a move for when eldest finishes school?

In your situation, I’d move. Not having that financial burden is great psychologically. Also, although, of course, 50 isn’t old, IMO, it’s best to downsize in your 50s rather than 60s. Moving is stressful and hard work so better to do it when you’re that bit younger.

For me, the hard decision wouldn’t be whether to move, but choosing the right house, so I’d draw up a list of Wants (eg a smaller easy to manage garden) and choose carefully with an eye to now but especially to the future.

I would definitely keep the bigger house. I think it's really hard to go from a bigger house to a smaller one that isn't as nice, and you could regret it forever.

Kids take up more space as they get older and so do their friends. We are lucky to live in a house with space and in a lovely village, and my kids as teens often had parties, friends to stay etc. Now as adults at uni they come back with more friends and plus 1s, and it isn’t an issue as we have spare rooms and bathrooms. It has at times been very difficult financially, but I would rather skimp on other things and know I had my home. Your home is your lifestyle - your view, your neighbours, being able to have lunch in your garden etc.

They also cost much less as they get older IME as my kids did a lot of activities and clubs when younger that used to cost a lot, and they got part time jobs at 17.

You're investing in that asset all the time and you will have more capital in the end when you do come to downsize later in life or when you die.

I’m not against the idea of downsizing (we didn’t upsize for the same reasons) but there’s no chance I’d buy a house with one bathroom when you have two kids that age, unless there’s room to put one in (and a loo downstairs)

We are in a similar position in terms of house setup. It’s bigger than we need. Mortgage large and if we downsized we would still have sufficient space elsewhere. However what I’ve struggled with is finding the setup I want (admittedly, not need) for when my son is a teenager. At present we have open plan living but a separate living room. We don’t use it. However already when he has friends over that’s where they migrate too. I hope on years to come we will be the house of choice for him and all his mates to hang out because they get privacy from us still. I would love that.

We are lucky though we don’t need the money, so the house is investment long term without the need for cash right now.

We will downsize when he flys the nest properly when he is older which will then mean the next house would be paid off as will inevitable be smaller and cheaper than the current one.

It’s hard to know what’s right without considering your wider financial status also. Pensions etc. If they are really ‘off track’ then putting into that with extra funds will be worthwhile for compound interest for better lifestyle in older age etc too.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. Depends entirely what someone wants from life now and longer term. I’m a planner and I always think longer term, regardless of whether it’s money or anything. My sibling is the opposite and lives for the now, which would stress me out no end.

Good luck with your decision!

Our kids are older and dh wants to downsize. However, dd who has graduated is now living with us at home. She says all her friends are also back to living with their parents as they cannot find jobs which make use of their university course. When my son graduates, he may very well also come back to live with us.

Until both have launched, I would prefer the space and storage. So we are staying put for now. That said, our mortgage is paid off.

OP, as you have 20 years left on the mortgage and other debts to clear, I can see the attraction of downsizing now and freeing cash to go on holidays. Although my dcs will prefer to holiday with their friends at their age (late teen and early 20s), they will come on two weeks' worth of holidays with us a year. We can splash out more then as it is fewer holidays a year where we have to pay for them. When they are older and having had to budget as students, they value the free dining and better accommodation on holiday and of course family time. So you can continue to make memories with your dcs on holiday for a while yet.

We downsized in 2021, due to my disability, we had a large detached 5 bed, family bathroom, en-suite, downstairs wc, double garage. Conservatory large garden front & back. It was a lovely family home for 18 years, but I couldn’t cope with the stairs, cleaning, especially during lockdown without my fantastic cleaner. We moved to a detached 3 double bed bungalow, with family bathroom and en suite, 3hours,from where we used to live. The best decision we ever made, council tax band was E now a C, much cheaper bills etc and less cleaning.

I don't understand the issue of only one bathroom. We're a family of 4 with only one toilet which is in our only bathroom lol it's never been an issue ever and my oldest is 14. I think the majority of the population only have one bathroom with one toilet, it's really not the end of the world

It’s hard to say without knowing whether you are on track with your pension savings and whether you are due to inherit. I’d get some proper financial advice.

Also, how likely are you to both keep your jobs, how long until and could you manage on one salary if one of you was made redundant, including saving enough into pensions?

I think having a proper picture of your finances, also for the scenario that one of you loses your job is important here and make the decision based on that rather than whether or not downsizing worked well for others…

I would free up money for travel and family experiences rather than having a bigger house. You never know what’s round the corner and special family time is so important.

my dad got diagnosed with the worst type of ms in his 30s which means I’ve always prioritised experiences over things or savings. I’m so glad we as a family have had amazing times away together, particularly as my super strong and fit husband has become disabled over the last year.

have fun with your family, way more important than postcode or square footage

I would seriously consider downsizing, having over 20 years left on a mortgage at almost 50 would fill me with dread. The bathroom situation would be my only concern with teens.

AND clear debts AND add to savings AND give 50k to the kids later on as a lump sum. Either the money is double counted or they are reducing the mortgage plus taking a chunk out of the capital. If it's the latter, personally I wouldn't liquidate that much capital into spending money when the kids are that young.

It's often hard to imagine how things are going to change as you reach the next phase in life. Many of my friends' older teen kids don't even want to go on holiday with their parents any more (mine do I'm glad to say). Nobody's children have moved out under 25 so far. Two of them have brought grandchildren into the world but still need to live at home. With that in mind, I was suggesting the OP needs to assess whether she's cutting her kids' space and privacy too much with this move.

(Note: I didn't say she shouldn't do it, just that these factors need to be borne in mind. A lot will depend on whether this move leaves wiggle room for future house improvements if needed, how long both parents can keep earning, what the kids are likely to do post 16 and post 18)

Well good for you if you can afford it, and you can afford all the other things on your wishlist. That's a nice position to be in. But the OP can't afford both the large house and the travel / savings / eating out, which is why it's a dilemma for her.

We have a large 5 bed. We only have one full time kid dd(10) and pt dss(9) so have plenty of rooms. They have their entire floor complete with lounge/diner etc. they adore this house but we know we don’t need such a big one now. We won’t consider downsizing (and mortgage free) until the kids are older to let them enjoy the space during childhood.

She says she wants to travel more, eat out more and save more. No specifics. Why doesn't £600 afford them that? She hasn't said she wants 2 weeks in the Maldives and a slap-up meal every week.

Because 600 pounds a month doesn't buy all the things the OP has listed that it will do. That's what's unrealistic.