Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Perfect' house or lifestyle?

66 replies

MumofCandR · 08/05/2026 10:48

I have a conundrum. I have a lovely house which we have extended into the attic and sides and rear. We did the work, it's lovely and has everything I want - double ovens, underfloor heating, well insulated, lovely windows, you get the idea. It's a 4 bed and 2 bathrooms one with a shower and 1 with a bath. Large garden that is hard to maintain, lovely views though. We both work long hours and pressurised jobs and I am heading towards 50... Decent pensions. Over 20 years left on the mortgage at the minute . However we still have some loans we would like to clear and a large mortgage, part of which will renew in January 2027 and will likely increase by £100 mth. We could sell and purchase a nice house we like in a similar area but even nicer location close to lots of lovely outside space. It's a 3 bed though and one bathroom with a bath and one toilet. The space downstairs is similar except it has one less living area - which we currently use in our house for the kids games space. And less storage and smaller garden. But - if we move we would clear some loans and the part of the mortgage that's going up in January and be better off by around 600 mth. We earn good salaries but this money would free up options to travel more with our kids, eat out more which we like, save more.... We would also have 50k leftover which would invest in long term bonds. Our kids are tween and young teen. We love the idea of downsizing the mortgage and loans and having more financial freedom but are scared we would regret the downsize.... Has anyone done this, did you regret your move or has it made life better? Any insight appreciated.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
MumofCandR · 11/05/2026 06:07

Just to clarify - We've done a lot of work extending the house, and that's where the debt comes from - it's going down each month significantly and it's never gone up. It has left us with a comfortable home and 50% equity. But it's locked in the house and whilst payments are doable it then doesn't leave much. We always intended to overpay and never intended going to 70. But we didn't foresee £400 mth mortgage increase post Truss and cost of living increases which have had impact. We are paying a lot into pensions and could pay a lump sum on retirement early to mid 60s to clear the mortgage without moving so there is a long term plan but that won't help the here and now and spending time with my kids and helping them at university. We have paid off chunks over the years and have reasonable savings and great pensions. We're tending towards moving to release some money to clear debts and lower the mortgage to prevent the further increase in January and have better cash flow. Thanks for your thoughts and insights.

OP posts:
Ooooookay · 10/05/2026 19:00

Yes downsize and reduce your mortgage term and your debt. I am surprised you purchased the house if you are still expecting to pay be paying it off at nearly 70, sounds like you over stretched yourself

PunnyTealTurtle · 10/05/2026 16:27

No brainer for me…sell the house and move. No point having a lovely home that you are never in and therefore can’t appreciate.

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/05/2026 09:17

MumofCandR · 08/05/2026 14:51

Thank you all for contributing - so many good points to think through, that has been really helpful. Lots of food for thought. There is a downstairs toilet but just one bathroom upstairs, I think that will be ok my two never want to shower anyway lol.

The showering thing changes as they get older.

CircusAcer · 10/05/2026 09:11

I think you need to consider the knock on effect of losing the additional reception room and where the new "games space" would be in any house moving forward.

We have an additional room for the children to game in and also where they do their homework. We did not want them having a tv or games console in their bedrooms.

Looking forward, my eldest child graduated uni and is living back at home and working from home 3 days a week so needs somewhere to work from.

Bathroom wise the children share a bathroom here and Dh and I have an en-suite. Both boys shower every day and have done since they started secondary school, non-negotiable back then and now is just a great habit.

I think you should downsize to free up more money but consider houses with the scope to have an alternate space instead of just a bedroom for the children if you can.

godmum56 · 10/05/2026 08:23

deplorabelle · 08/05/2026 13:54

I read it as one bathroom containing the only toilet. If there's a downstairs loo that helps massively.

Tbh what I think is unrealistic about the OP's plan is how much cash is being liberated. If there's really enough cash left over for a big lifestyle jump, clear debts AND give the kids a chunk of money then the downsize is too drastic and they could look at a slightly better house that's less of a cut in space.

Show quote history

i was thinking this too about the cash they expect to free up. moving is not a cheap amusement for whatever reason.

ScotchBonnet74 · 09/05/2026 18:12

SixLeggedSugarBug · 09/05/2026 17:30

What are you career prospects like, are you at the top of your fields or are you likely to be promoted in the medium term? If there is progression available then I would be reluctant to sacrifice the house. However if this is it as far as salary’s are concerned then I would be more likely to downsize.

Don't think career prospects make any difference if you are spending beyond your means.

SixLeggedSugarBug · 09/05/2026 17:30

What are you career prospects like, are you at the top of your fields or are you likely to be promoted in the medium term? If there is progression available then I would be reluctant to sacrifice the house. However if this is it as far as salary’s are concerned then I would be more likely to downsize.

ScotchBonnet74 · 09/05/2026 17:11

I think it would be helpful to know why you still have 20 years left on a mortgage at 50 and why you have loans even though you both earn good salaries? Usually people take out a loan because they don't have savings to cover the cost of what the loan is for. Are the loans going up or down? I would work on building up a savings pot first for emergencies, then overpaying the mortgage. If you currently have no money left at the end of the month to do either, then you have been spending beyond your means and should downsize quickly. You say you enjoy eating out but eating out and having loans don't really go together if you want financial security.

ultracynic · 09/05/2026 15:21

Lifestyle. I’ve no desire to have a huge house or feel skint every month, and no way I’d want to have a mortgage until I was 70!

The teenage years will go in a flash then you may have university costs, it’s frightening how fast it comes round. We will downsize (but upgrade) as soon as our youngest leaves, and then we’ll be mortgage free and plan to see more of the world.

Teresa3349 · 09/05/2026 15:13

I’ve moved to a bigger house , with a larger mortgage in my late 40’s . It scared the life out of me - the size of the mortgage. However dad to day life was infinitely better. The space was needed , esp the 2 bathrooms and an extra room for teens to have friends around . At 16 they got part time jobs which freed up so much ££ , which allowed us to travel so much more with them . At a time of life where they appreciated travel.
I would do the same in a heartbeat- if your day to day life is better quality then the need for luxury holidays and treats out diminish

popsickle555 · 09/05/2026 13:14

Sorry. I might have missed this but would you be mortgage free on the new house or just a lower mortgage? If it’s mortgage free I would probably do it, if it’s a lower mortgage but clearing debt / having some spare to invest I might wait until my children has gone off to uni (if they’re going) so that you have the extra space / bathrooms whilst in these teen years.

ByPinkOP · 09/05/2026 13:08

What do the kids think? For me, it would be a no until the kids were looking to leave home. Being squashed with 4+ adults, no thanks. Having said that, my kids will be young adults by the time I’m 45, so will have plenty of time to downsize and spend the money 🤣

Thechaseison71 · 09/05/2026 11:23

Bryonyberries · 09/05/2026 09:10

One bathroom is fine - I’ve managed it with three teenage girls and myself in the house! You just get a routine so everyone has a different normal time. We have a separate toilet though which helps!

A three bed will be manageable. Children may stay into their 20’s but they aren’t home so much in general. They go to work, they go out with friends, sleep over at boyfriends/girlfriends etc

Yeah my partner was one of 6 kids, ( 4 girls) his parents and an uncle living in a house with one bathroom. He said was never an issue

Thechaseison71 · 09/05/2026 11:11

Summerhillsquare · 08/05/2026 11:59

I always choose lifestyle. No desire to be a wage slave.

This. Hence why I'm mortgage free and have been for a few years at 54

CherryBlossom321 · 09/05/2026 11:04

We’re early 40’s with one teen and one adult child living with us. We worked long and hard for what sounds very similar to your home and as a whole family, we love the house and everything it offers us. We’re a family of homebodies though, not hugely into travel, although we go away every other year. We would struggle to go back to one bathroom, it was a pain when we were in that situation and the convenience is priceless to us now. We plan to downsize once it’s just the two of us, and it should clear the mortgage completely when the time comes.

Riders79 · 09/05/2026 10:52

We have lived in 9 houses over the last 10 years of different sizes (thanks to my husband’s job). We have two kids and a dog. Our current house is approx 600 sq feet and the smallest we have lived in. Whilst we will buy a bigger house than this (we are renting whilst looking to buy) it will only be by a bit. The security of investments and no debt is worth more than square footage for us. Also, when we look through the yearly photo books the photos are never of the house but of holidays and adventures - local and further afield.

Everyone is different though and has different priorities. If I were you, I’d have a family meeting and get all the pros and cons down on paper from everyone in your family and make a decision from those. What do your kids think is most important? Do they have places they’d like to travel to or is having room for friends to hang out more important? Hope that helps and good luck.

ScotchBonnet74 · 09/05/2026 09:37

This isn't meant as a criticism OP but I think if you are currently living in your dream house yet you also have loans, and 20 years left on your mortgage at 50 years old, then somehow you have overstretched yourself. So if downsizing to the smaller and less expensive house would wipe the slate clean, as someone else has said, I would be very careful not to take on any more debt.

Bryonyberries · 09/05/2026 09:10

One bathroom is fine - I’ve managed it with three teenage girls and myself in the house! You just get a routine so everyone has a different normal time. We have a separate toilet though which helps!

A three bed will be manageable. Children may stay into their 20’s but they aren’t home so much in general. They go to work, they go out with friends, sleep over at boyfriends/girlfriends etc

DiscoBeat · 09/05/2026 08:56

I would be attracted to the lower mortgage, definitely. But whilst I would be happy to downsize, only on having one toilet and shower just wouldn't work for us. Our teens do shower every day and we'd be constantly queuing. Also the downstairs loo has been a necessity - elderly parents, son with sprained ankle, people who come to visit etc etc! Could you add a toilet somehow to this house? My brother put one in under the stairs!

Blankscreen · 09/05/2026 08:52

I would just caution and say children can get big very big quickly.

They have less toys around but my 15 year old ds is bigger than DH. We have 22 year old dss still living at home with no plans to move out any time soon.

So we are effectively a family of 5 with 4 adults in the house. Just having that many adults makes the house feel smaller.

Two bathrooms is very useful as they become independent and live to their own schedule.

Nor saying don't do but if you move and then need to move again that will be expensive.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 09/05/2026 08:48

We are sort of the opposite in that we have a big sum saved after a job change and redundancy, we looked at uprising but honestly it felt madness to spend it on space that we would barely use (spare room for guests etc). So I would day downsize BUT can you "practice" by not using some of the space you have? Or do you already not use it. Could you put a bedroom and bathroom out of action for a week and see what occurs and do a massive sort of the kids games in the extra downstairs room to see what is actually needed for storage and space. I know we wouldn't use any extra space because we manage fine in a 3 bed, and we are now saving that money for holidays and the kids uni fees and schooling. Do take into account moving costs too - stamp duty, removal vans, etc. Plus the faff and stress of it all!

LittleBearPad · 09/05/2026 08:32

Dragonscaledaisy · 09/05/2026 08:10

I agree with this. Being trapped in huge debt until almost 70 would be awful.

Show quote history

But there’s nothing to stop OP downsizing in 15 years or so when the children are gone. It’s not all or nothing.

@MumofCandR I think if you move you’ll regret it and embark on another building project to make the new house bigger meaning you’ll end up back in the same place financially. You’ll also spend a fortune moving - what’s the stamp duty on the 3 bed.

Dragonscaledaisy · 09/05/2026 08:10

Lovestotravel79 · 08/05/2026 22:24

I would seriously consider downsizing, having over 20 years left on a mortgage at almost 50 would fill me with dread. The bathroom situation would be my only concern with teens.

I agree with this. Being trapped in huge debt until almost 70 would be awful.

Mumofteenandtween · 09/05/2026 08:08

If you were in the smaller house then I would very much discourage you from moving up but you are already in the bigger house so I think you need to be very careful about moving.

Moving is expensive. Really expensive. It is not just stamp duty, estate agent fees, solicitor fees, removal fees. It is all the “new curtains as none of them fit the massive bedroom window in the new house” etc that all add up.

We have friends who have done the downsizing thing recently for financial reasons but currently they are not better off because of all the “little things” they needed to make life nice. (Like a new sofa as their old one was so big they either couldn’t open the patio doors or they had to do a limbo dance style shimmy round it at the other end.) They will be better off in a couple of years when everything settles but right now they are not. And they are feeling the pain of the smaller house far more than they expected.

And so much family time has been spent packing and unpacking and de cluttering rather than actual nice time as a family.