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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s probably just as hard to end the marriage as to stay in it

28 replies

itsahappybirthday · 08/05/2026 08:38

I’ve had the most awful morning and I really am wondering (again) about calling time on my marriage. But when I think about it with a cool head I’m not sure it’s actually any better.

To clarify my problem is a lazy DH rather than one who is abusive or cruel, but he makes my life so exhausting and difficult through being lazy and obtuse. I don’t enjoy time with him and I know it’s cliched but I’m resentful and cross all the time.

But honestly … we have little children. The thought of

selling the house
moving school / nursery
then in full time childcare / wraparound care (I know a lot of children do)
me still wrung out and burned out
him having them part of the week

It just makes me feel in many ways it’s a devil and the deep blue sea sort of situation.

Either way I can’t do anything straightaway so please don’t demand to know by page 4 why I haven’t ltb; I just genuinely think it might be easier to stay, at least for now.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsahappybirthday · 08/05/2026 08:47

Beeloux · 08/05/2026 08:42

I would try and wait until the kids are older. I say that as a single mother with 2 young dc (xh is hands on too) and it’s still hard.

I normally go to bed shortly after the dc and still exhausted. He can’t be forced to actually have the kids and if he’s a lazy sod, he most likely won’t.

I often regret my divorce and life was much easier before.

I really appreciate the honesty.

We do get on on the face of things but I do think there’s a lot of resentment on both sides and I feel like he’s becoming quite an unpleasant person. Maybe the same is true of me.

OP posts:
EiteanPiobarPinc · 08/05/2026 08:42

I would rather have slightly less time with the kids but for it to be happy quality time without the fun sponge hanging about like a bad smell quite frankly. I think you'll also feel less exhausted without him there by the sounds of it.

Are finances a concern or is that part okay?

The selling the house/changing school is short term pain I agree. But is it worth one tough year for fifteen years of happier childhood for your kids, and you? Also don't underestimate the emotional damage to them of growing up believing parents who don't get on is what they should aim for in a marriage themselves.

Beeloux · 08/05/2026 08:42

I would try and wait until the kids are older. I say that as a single mother with 2 young dc (xh is hands on too) and it’s still hard.

I normally go to bed shortly after the dc and still exhausted. He can’t be forced to actually have the kids and if he’s a lazy sod, he most likely won’t.

I often regret my divorce and life was much easier before.