To tell in-laws to do one?

This incident and the current situation involving the assault, your injuries, your DH's redundancy and the loss of your poor cat suggests an unpleasant taste on the part of your in-laws for pushing themselves on you when you're at a low ebb. It's certainly not how people treat those they love. As for the threats and admonishments - are they going to turn up and slap your legs? Their tone suggests that they think they can do as they please. You are right to dig your heels in and not let them push you around - people who behave like that will never be appeased for long.

You'll open your curtains to find them on your drive in the morning , pound to a penny. Your DH needs to reiterate 'no' and you need to not open the door.

I suspect being in a hotel wouldn't have been any better. And yes why should they chase you both from your home. It sounds like you DH is doing a brave job....that may be a silly thing to say about an adult but I don't discount how hard it must be for him....hard for you too of course but honestly I think he has it worse.

I must admit I'm looking forward to your next update @FriendlyMedusa ...

I'm sorry for your DH, any parent who talks about cutting you out of their will is basically saying we can buy your company and if you don't comply we'll cut you off. Can they feel no compassion for the misery you've been through lately, and if they can why would they try to force their company on you when told no. Your poor DH sounds worn down by it all and any decent parent would cut him some slack.

.

If they had any respect for you both and your situation, they wouldn’t behave like this. They are playing the victim and making you feel guilty when you’re at a very low point currently. I would reiterate that you have told them the timing isn’t convenient and next month works better, you have given them notice. Be polite but firm. You don’t owe them
an apology. My own mother is like this, creates drama, doesn’t respect boundaries then demands apologies when you haven’t done anything wrong. Put your foot down.

Why do they think he is lazy? Due to not seeing them? Or lazy for other reasons?
Why do they give such short notice? That is not reasonable tbh. The time you were moving in 4 days, you ought to have said no way to that visit.

Just reply that you are devastated by them, just mirror them. Say you want an apology. Copy them, at least you’ll be amused and they might get the message to be more considerate.

Those texts messages are full of criticism, guilt and threats. You are both going through a rough time and this is what they send? These are not good people.

When I first started seeing my partner of 17 years, his parents just couldn't get their head around the fact that I'm estranged from my father - at that point it had been for 20 years (now 37).

His father saw fit to lecture me, a then 41 year old woman, about how I had a 'duty' to get back in touch with him. I asked what about my father's 'duty' as parent to actually be there - as in the same fucking country - when I was in a serious car accident when I was 17, or when I was diagnosed with cancer at 21? His judgement based on knowing nothing about me or my father really pissed me off and is one of the many reasons why I detest him (and now deceased MIL)

Your husbands words aren't matching his actions. At the end of the day it's the actions that count. I'd leave him to deal with his parents going forward. And I certainly wouldn't be seeing them this weekend!

You've had a very naive existence if you think people don't randomly at like this. They absolutely do.

I would have messaged back "if you don't back the f*ck off, there will be consequences". Fair enough they want to meet, but being guilted in to meeting them when you are having a bad time is ridiculous. Tell them DH has job interviews 3 days in a row.

I'd message: we are busy and unavailable...we have warned you. We won't be apologising for a situation that you've caused when you refuse to take no for an answer. If you drive up, it will be a wasted journey as we won't be in and you aren't welcome at this time.

(We cut our inlaws off for repeated behaviours similar to this, as well as worse issues that I won't get into here.)
Set your boundaries firm. I wouldn't entertain it and I'd make sure we were out somewhere lovely.

Oh, I do understand what you are saying OneFineDay, and thank you for your pleasant reply.

Unfortunately, I have had some experience at going NC with family members, as my DDad's brother just disappeard out of my Grandmother's and Dad's lives many years ago, I fact that will have been in either the late 1940's, or the early 1950's. However, as I wasn't born until the late 1950's, I never met him myself. I do know that at one stage my devastated Grandmother - whose DH had died when my DDad was just 7 years old - from contracting Septicemia whilst tending his Lupins in their garden - contacted the Salvation Army to look for him, but after doing so, they told my poor Grandmother that they couldn't find him. Whether that was true, or not, and he just didn't want to be reunited with his mother, I don't know.

After my Grandmother died - in 1979 I think - and I was a young adult, I spoke to my Dad about me searching for my Uncle, but my Dad got quite cross as he never wanted to have anything to do with his brother after he had treated his Mum so terribly. So, a while after my DDad died I went on line, and discovered my Uncle's death certificate, dated in the 1990's, so he had been alive in all of the intervening years.

Quite strangely, after both my DMum had died, and then a couple of years later, after my DDad died, my brother and I, who had never been close as he was quite a lot older than me, ended up falling out, but not dramatically, and we have never been in contact since, which must have been about 10 years ago now. He used to work and live in many different countries, so I have no idea where he lives now, and he has no idea where I live, but as we have hardly anything in common, I really have no desire to ever see him again. Apart from my brother, I am very lucky and blessed to have the extended family that I now have, thank you . I hope that you and your DH are now in a much happier place since going no contact with your MiL.

NB: Very sadly, my paternal Grandfather died a few years before Penicillin was licenced for doctors to prescribe. My DDad had always believed that his DDad would have survived if Penicillin had already been approved of officially, and very sadly, he missed him for the rest of his life. Hopefully they are reunited now.

Adding that continued contact must be with the caveat they refrain from abuse (e.g. calling him lazy), passing judgement or giving unsolicited advice. 100% not acceptable.

One of the consequences they bring up from time to time is cutting DH out of their will.

That’s so nasty. And sounds desperate.

I agree with PP that your DH must be assertive if they’ve headed to visit you in a camper-van without your agreement and are parked up nearby. It’s ridiculously pushy. As a compromise, could your DH say you’ll meet them for lunch/dinner somewhere, rather than have them at your home? They’ll have to stay on a campsite.

IMHO, best for him not to cut all contact. But make it v clear that family get-togethers must be organised with plenty of notice and at a mutually convenient time. And could you meet for weekends away, rather than them staying with you? So the meet ups are more like a family holiday rather than visits. Might help with dynamics.

Does DH have siblings?

This thread is so frustrating 😂

Have they turned up at your door yet OP?

I wasn't answering you or talking about that.

I’d message back & say we won’t be in. If they do turn up I wouldn’t answer the door & put my car round the corner so you look out.

They really do sound very unpleasant- forcing themselves on you 4 days before moving!! I hope they at least helped with packing ... but I bet they didn't.

The barrage of insulting and abusive texts they sent after you sent the 'don't come now, come in June' message makes them sound unhinged.

And constantly calling your DH lazy, and other rude terms is actually psychological and emotional abuse.

I can understand how, as it's down to you to metaphorically pick him up again after their visits or phone calls, you would rather go NC with them.

I hope you manage to get rid of them later on, even if you and/or DH decide to spend a couple of hours with them.

💐

This! And mean it.

You need to hold your boundary and go through the pain of it to come out the other side with any kind of workable relationship.

Or no relationship and them leaving you alone.

But you can’t go on as you are, rewarding this behaviour.

Dear lord , what a bunch of lunatics & screw the apology … Why should you apologise for not being able to host them ? I agree that they should be able to visit but it must be at a mutually convenient time , not for days on end & not just what suits them .