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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell in-laws to do one?

458 replies

FriendlyMedusa · 08/05/2026 06:01

Okay obviously I won't phrase it like that, but DH and I are thinking about sending a message to his family's WhatsApp chat asking them to back off for a bit.

In the last month DH has been made redundant, our beloved cat had to be put to sleep, and I had my fingers broken in a random attack by a stranger. We're both a mess and the last thing we want is to host his parents. They do know about all of these things happening.

Last week they (MIL and FIL) texted that they "must" visit for 3 days in May. We said May is really busy and we're too stressed, how about June? - No reply.
Today they sent a text saying they ARE coming round for 3 days... From tomorrow! They live at the opposite end of the country, FTR, and we do not see them often. DH reiterates that we don't want to and are busy. Cue barrage of guilt-tripping, insulting texts from them:

"You seem to lead very chaotic lives but that is no excuse to not spend time with us."
"You have really upset [MIL]. This is not acceptable. "
"You will not be welcome at our home again until you apologise to [MIL]."
"We are still driving up tomorrow. If you will not at least meet us for a couple of hours, there will be consequences."

Whew. I don't want to reward this behaviour (it happens every few months) but I'm tempted to just for an easier life. Help?

OP posts:
Peppermintpatty24 · 09/05/2026 18:41

Just a thought. Maybe after husband's, (hate the abbreviations), redundancy they want to gift you some money?

Florence212 · 09/05/2026 18:41

I would say ...go away for the weekend....treat yourselves.
No doubt they will park on your drive so I can see that could be a problem.
Do be firm.

YellowMellow99 · 09/05/2026 18:40

JoshLymanSwagger · 08/05/2026 06:10

Lock up the house and go away for the weekend.
Anywhere - a friend maybe?
Cheapest BnB you can find.
After the shit you've had to deal with, fuck 'em.

eta - I assumed they'd stay with you, OP?
If not, move your car to the next street and keep blinds shut just in case they do a drive-by.

What does your DH want to do?

Edited

THIS!!!

Bluedenimdoglover · 09/05/2026 18:37

This is the problem with texting. You don't get the same emotional impact as from a telephone conversation. If you have to say it, speak it.

WallaceinAnderland · 09/05/2026 18:34

FriendlyMedusa · 09/05/2026 16:50

If you think I'm lying to "save face" to the anonymous posters of Mumsnet, you may need to give your head a wobble.

If you also can't imagine why someone would find it too challenging and painful to cut off their own parents besides money, I suspect that says more about you.

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Did they turn up OP?

FozzieP · 09/05/2026 18:34

Consequences. Controlling pair. I should meet them on neutral ground for the two hours they suggest and tell them that visiting is by invitation; you don't want to lose them but if that's the nature of the consequences threat then so be it.

Honeysucklelane · 09/05/2026 18:33

They sound very demanding. It’s also pretty insulting to say you lead very chaotic lives… the three huge events you’ve been through recently were totally out of your control!

It’s not as if you’ve been going on all night benders or inviting drug addicts to lodge with you, or taking in multiple random stray animals with health issues or anything else that can bring additional pressure / chaos into your life through choice.

justasking111 · 09/05/2026 18:29

This is going to be an ongoing seesaw. She'll either bow to her limpet husbands wishes or divorce him.

There's very good long running threads on here I think called "But I took you to stately homes".

The god awful parents often win because their adult children can't cut the toxic strings.

It's like they pushed out a baby just to be their willing slave, whipping boy for the whole of their lives.

I've been there. Took me 50 years to disengage. She died on Monday aged 90. Despite the fact that I went NC 20 years ago I'm now embroiled in her funeral arrangements.

Families agree universally there is to be no service, just get them to cremate her. And no-one wants the ashes 🙈

Dancingintherain09 · 09/05/2026 18:24

Grey rock them short, neutral answers to the point.

If the escalate, then just stop replying.

Vixxxs · 09/05/2026 18:21

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 08/05/2026 06:06

I wouldn't even answer the door

What are the consequences?

Consequences??? Do they think you are 10 years old! They should have offered for you to take a few days with them being as you have had a bit of a rough time? I would of told them you are going away for a few days and you won’t be home, then take yourselves off, (on the morning they are coming, ) to a cheap air bnb for a couple days, I definitely wouldn’t give in, you are not doing anything wrong here, do not be told what to do!

ChavsAreReal · 09/05/2026 18:17

Alliod40 · 09/05/2026 16:37

Will you stop,she might have said this to save face but it's obvious to most people with grown up common sense what's going on ..there's no way he would put up with the harassment otherwise

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Many people tolerate difficult family relationships, even though their family members have no money and their is zero inheritance involved!

Its obvious you're projecting.

Anon501178 · 09/05/2026 18:17

'There will be consequences' 🤦‍♀️ what the hell! They clearly don't respect you/DH as adults....ridiculous toxic behaviours- i don't think these people deserve a place in your lives tbh OP.

TellyLass · 09/05/2026 18:14

They sound unhinged and controlling. Poor dh. Is db the golden boy?

WoosMama13 · 09/05/2026 18:08

Move the car(s) out of sight. Lock the doors and hide. Do not answer the door. Hope they don't have a key or know where a spare is?
Or you and hubby go away for the night for a break and avoid them that way?
Not unreasonable to just say no and ignore. Your boundaries are being ignored and they're wrong for doing that.

ThreadGuardDog · 09/05/2026 18:07

Alliod40 · 09/05/2026 16:37

Will you stop,she might have said this to save face but it's obvious to most people with grown up common sense what's going on ..there's no way he would put up with the harassment otherwise

Show quote history

Why is it obvious ? Why do you not believe what OP is saying - surely that’s the point of MN ?

ConstanzeMozart · 09/05/2026 17:55

Barbie11 · 09/05/2026 17:41

Maybe they are visiting to check on you both to see how they can help / offer support? I would go cautiously - it could be coming from a good & supportive place

Are you having a laugh

jdb9803 · 09/05/2026 17:48

Barbie11 · 09/05/2026 17:41

Maybe they are visiting to check on you both to see how they can help / offer support? I would go cautiously - it could be coming from a good & supportive place

Did you read their comments? - that is not coming from a good and supportive place!

jdb9803 · 09/05/2026 17:47

DressDilemma · 08/05/2026 06:17

Why can’t you meet them for a couple of hours?

And reward their awful behaviour and threats?!

Moii · 09/05/2026 17:47

I'd have to hear their side of the story to comment, doesn't sound quite right.

BeRarePlumCrab · 09/05/2026 17:45

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 08/05/2026 06:06

I wouldn't even answer the door

What are the consequences?

Id like to know what consequences a father is going to give his adult child too. Ive not laughed this hard for a while.

RosyDaysAhead · 09/05/2026 17:44

You’ve told them it’s not convenient. Your husband has told them. They are welcome to make the drive but they cannot stay with you and you will be under no obligation to drop everything to spend time with them.

they are entitled!!

WearyAuldWumman · 09/05/2026 17:42

Barbie11 · 09/05/2026 17:41

Maybe they are visiting to check on you both to see how they can help / offer support? I would go cautiously - it could be coming from a good & supportive place

Not when they're texting about consequences, though.

Barbie11 · 09/05/2026 17:41

Maybe they are visiting to check on you both to see how they can help / offer support? I would go cautiously - it could be coming from a good & supportive place

dapsnotplimsolls · 09/05/2026 17:34

Any contact today?

jinglejanglescarecat · 09/05/2026 17:29

Haven’t read the entire thread but read Ops. I think you’re doing the right thing to attempt some boundaries. They sound awful.

so sorry for the bad times you’ve have recently.