To tell in-laws to do one?

fuck the fuck off would be shorter and more appropriate

Ok I am not gonna read 17 pages of this thread ,
Maybe u or dh can say the following :
"Mum in law,and father in law/mum & dad...we want to say first that we love you, respect you and want you to be in our lives /spend time with us & your grandchildren, however you have been told what times suit us, and that we are having a stressful time, but you aren't listening to us or respecting pur boundaries. We are beyond knackered, between childcare, working and all the rest. You seem to expect us to respect/give into your demands & acuse us of being disrespectful without having any respect of 'what's unacceptable for us' . We are adults in our own homes, with our own responsibilities. So if you want to visit, we kindly ask that you do what's mutually beneficial and not just beneficial to you. We respect you, so please do us the honour of doing the same to us. We know you miss us, we miss you too & gc do also. We love you. But we aren't children to be told off. We are adults. Hope you can understand our point of view & tyvm for your understanding. "

Thanks for the update. There must be a fair amount of trauma for your husband to process. I’m sorry you’re both having to deal with this. Wishing you both the best of luck moving forwards - him for managing it and you in supporting him. Well done to him for not giving in to them, your support on this will mean a lot to him I’m sure.

Obviously irony is beneath you.

I commented on that post too. I call "I assume that you are very old yourself" ageism

Not ageism. Read the post I was replying to and you'll see my point.

So glad you are united on this. It makes things a million times easier. My husband becomes seriously toxic when the awful in-laws are doing their worst.

yeah cos obvs all old folks are batshit.....well known fact innit

can we please lay off the ageism here?

have you seen the text of the texts? "There will be consequences" I don't see much room for misunderstanding there.

They sound awful. Time to leave all interactions going forward to your husband. Do not involve yourself.

This is too much drama and is insultingly ridiculous, your DH needs to take a stand not this lukewarm hiding yet not wanting to stand up to them or cut them off but also not willing to see them or deal with them.

I would be so frustrated if I was in your shoes because this must be stressful for your relationship and cause friction. Looks like there's a lot of trauma from his parents affecting him and I would encourage him to get therapy to work through the trauma and help break the chains they have over him so he can find and use his voice and set firm boundaries.

They sound like bat shit crazy people, they really stayed nearby for 2 days while sending messages and waiting???

They’re unkind to your DH (to the point he’s sad after they visit), they do not respect your time or wishes, and they lack empathy entirely. Your poor husband. I’d absolutely be telling him it’s ok for us to be no contact with them or really limit visits to what he can manage. On this occasion, he does need to either book a hotel for you both to stay elsewhere for the week they’re in town (so they get the message) and block them, or send a very clear message that they are not welcome to invite themselves when they want, and they need to respect your time and feelings.

It happens every few months because it works. Change that now. I speak from experience.

I assume from this post that you're very old yourself, because anyone who has read OPs posts would find your comment very strange indeed.

have you actually read the full thread?

I think they’re coming over to check on you with all the chaos that’s been happening. Old folk have a strange way of showing they care sometimes

What on earth do you think gives you any authority here? You are responding to something that you know very very little about. It seems that you can't bothered to read the OPs posts.

Please give OPs respect here here on MN. It you wish to post your decisions and judgements, please ensure that they are informed.

If this is all as stated then tell them (politely) to F right off. Accepting their behaviour will only result in increasing demands and threats.

A lot of these replies are very polarising and really reinforce the views of the people who make similar replies. 17 pages of polarising arguments so far. His long will this continue before the poster realises that she's just going to do what she's done?

You are not being unreasonable at all.The things they have said are preposterous! But I am curious about why they are so very sensitive about being rejected by you. Is there history of your DH being unavailable or inattentive? I suspect they want to descend on you precisely because they think you are in a state and are incompetent to manage your lives. Trying to be kind.... My parents are a bit similar. It is awful. Hard to leave childhood patterns behind when parents continue to want to dominate and belittle while be present and involved. You sound loving and supportive to your DH - that is what matters most. But these people are not going to leave his life in a hurry, despite the threats. You will have to live with whatever fall out there is. Small steady gains at establishing boundaries may be more successful in the long run.

Thankyou for not being rude ! And you are quite right. I should have read …
Apologies to the OP.

Wow. Perhaps read the thread before commenting something nasty and unhelpful

Well you should at least read the op's posts before commenting. If you go to any of the op's posts (blue) and click on see all in the bottom right corner you can see all the op's posts without having to read the entire thread.

You only needed to read the first 8 words of the entire thread to know you didn't need to worry about that.

Why on Earth you thought it was worth your time to, instead, type out and post a completely irrelevant contribution to a situation you don't want to know about, I can't work out.