Friend called me fat - can’t stop thinking about it

It’s nasty to comment on other people’s bodies. Everyone has that fat by their armpit btw… that’s how our flesh doesn’t rip when we raise our arms. And the majority of women have some cellulite.

Your friend dented your self esteem. You have to get it back up. You could try CBT. Or a self-love journal. But really you just have to remember that he’s a prick and he did it to make you feel bad so why would you care for his opinion?

This scenario happened to me, too. A schoolfriend made a humorous comment which flicked a switch and launched years of eating disorders and body dysmorphia. I wouldn't want anyone to go down that path, so If you find you can't put this behind you, maybe seek professional help sooner rather than later. It would be such a waste not to enjoy being young with a lovely figure!

Well, it’s great news that you can objectively see that your brain is playing tricks on you!
There’s a couple of things you can do straight away.
Firstly, stop obsessing. The brain is excellent at repeating patterns. The more often you say ‘OMG my arms, my cellulite!’, etc the more easily your brain repeats it. Like a parrot.
Teach your brain some new phrases about how strong your legs are and how useful it is to reach into cupboards. Whatever little things cross your mind, repeat them. Thank goodness my feet are comfortable in these shoes. Hooray, my lips are nice and pink! Great, I don’t need glasses! Teach your brain a new trick.

You are working really hard to excuse shitty male behaviour here. Don’t.

I think you're managing to be very self-aware and sensible about this so far.

I would caution you about giving it too much headspace and analysis though, as it can still end up consuming your thoughts in an unhealthy way even when youre just trying to make sense of it.

You've identified a chink in your armour that your (non)friend stuck his arrow in. Don't focus on it, give your hesdapace to positive things and try and move this along so you don't get stuck on it. You are fab, you look great, and you want to use your body to do amazing things rather than stress about what it may or may not look like.

I was going to post exactly this. He obviously joked about this so confidently as you are extremely thin, he was being ironic. Like when someone joked to Margot Robbie “It’s just such a shame that you’re so unattractive”

I think you would benefit from therapy OP

Maybe try telling yourself that it’s ok to be fat. I mean, you’re not fat but if you were you would still have the same value you have now. It’s not something to be terrified of.

i have no answers but just wanted to say that i know what you mean about seeing yourself in the mirror differently to photos.

Mine is the other way around! I know from photos (and the scales) that i am overweight, but when i look in the mirror i see a thin smaller me like I used to be. It means i start doubting my own eyes as I know they must be wrong.

Fwiw strangers on the internet have no vested interests and you are Definutely V slim in those photos. I agree with consensus. This guy is negging you.

Op, now you know what it is, recognise it, and let it go.

It is literally 'wrong thinking'!

One of my only regrets in life is that I had facial dysmorphia from my teens to about late twenties and I wasted so much time and energy over a belief (that I was ugly) that wasn't real. It was pointless and then it turned out I was wrong anyway. I was fine looking. It really was a mistaken belief.

I feel foolish I tricked my own self. Go out and live your best life!

That dress looks amazing. You are slim and beautiful.

The guy is a prick.

Either he fancies you and was negging you (trying to bring you down) or he is just a thoughtless weasel or he said it because he has his own issues.

Honestly if you don’t snap out of this headspace in the next few weeks and move on from his stupid comment then you should ask for some talking therapy from the GP. He obviously shouldn’t have said it but you’re so far from anything other than slim that I assume he would have not thought you’d take it literally. But body dismorphia is real and you need to get help if continue to feel that way

Clearly you're not fat, not even remotely. If he told you that you had 3 heads and 4 arms, would you believe him?! No! So don't entertain any of what he said a, because it's not true and b, no good friend would ever go out their way to upset you even if you were fat.

Go easy, listen to the side of you that knows he's talking bollocks and don't give him anymore headspace. I hope you find some help to deal with this. hugs

Not excusing him, but do you think he was jokingly calling you fat because he knows and everyone else around you knows that you are very far from fat? He might be horrified if he found out how you feel? Just re read and maybe not if he actually said you're putting on weight, very odd.

OP I used to experience what you are experiencing, for most of my teens/20s. I was a size 8-10 and knew I wasn’t fat but I felt like I looked fat. People always assumed I was fishing for compliments when I said it. I spent most of that time on some sort of diet and did some very unhealthy things to lose weight. I think I was probably verging on an eating disorder but always felt like an imposter because I did know deep down I wasn’t fat, whereas surely an actual anorexic does think they are fat?? When I look back at photos now I can see how crazy it was (though, like you I did know that logically I wasn’t fat).

Ironically I am now actually fat (like really, it’s not just my brain this time!) and I don’t seem to care any more. Like, I’d like to lose weight but it doesn’t bother me in an obsessive way like it use to.

It sounds like the beginning of body dysmorphia potentially, so maybe look in to some counselling like others have suggested.

This almost sounds like OCD (which I have) in that I never really think that whatever I’m scared of is really true but I still get obsessed with trying to prove that it isn’t.

But recently one of my friends made a joke and called me fat. He said it in a banter sort of way and I don’t think it was meant to be hurtful, but he made a joke that I had gained lots of weight and was heavy/chunky

what did he actually say & what was the context?

He isn't a friend.

Yes I agree with this. Maybe something like CBT? But it does sound like it’s a body dysmorphic thing.

And you should also ditch that man “friend” for making you feel so sad. Don’t give him any power let alone this much.

@Confusedmind96 I kind of get what you’re saying as my photos do not look how I see myself in the mirror.

I also see many faults when looking in the mirror, fat arms, chunky thighs, saggy face etc… but in my photos, I’m drop-dead gorgeous! 😂. Not quite that but very slim, presentable and about 5-10 years younger. So, now I know this, I just try and look at recent photos now and again to keep reality in check. It avoids too much self criticism.

It sounds like you’re describing body dysmorphia which can lead to anorexia and I note you say you are conscious of every meal now. I would consider seeking professional help if you can’t shake this.

You are very slim
You look incredible in that dress.

Your friend is a nasty twat.