Friend called me fat - can’t stop thinking about it

And to this I would add "fat" is not as objective as some people make it out to be. It is one reason why I think BMIs are quite negative, as I know some people who are clearly a bit pudgy but don't register as overweight while others who have a more athletic' muscular build and are plainly not "fat" can have an obese BMI. I think it is harmful to try to put a concrete cut-off. What one person might call slim, another might call scrawny - and so on. It is very, very subjective.

You are slim.
He has an ugly mind.

If you want someone fat to squash him to death, my size24 self is available.

I'm not trying to diagnose you - but the way you keep repeating in your OP that you know you're not fat (which, you're not, btw!) is slightly alarming and suggests some sort of mental health issue has arisen. I would see your GP and try to get some counselling and nip it in the bud.

Good luck.

The issue is not what you look like but how you have changed based on one comment. You've probably had many people including on this thread tell you that you have a lovely figure but you are disregarding them and fixating on one negative comment. This is not really about the comment but more about what insecurity it has revealed and why. I don't have the answers. The only thing I can say is that if you feel fat and believe you look fat in a mirror but deep down know you are not, it's horrible but a hell of a lot better than feeling fat, seeing fat in the mirror and knowing its the truth.

Exactly this
just ghost and move on you do not need horrible people in your life op.

I get why you feel like this. I don't know how to make you feel better other than saying you should concentrate on the photos you have which are your evidence that you are not fat. You have good insight into the fact you now have a warped picture of yourself. Also, remember that even though you are not fat, being fat is not the end of the world. It isn't true, but so what, if it were?

Definitely this 👆🏻

I had something like this at a party when DH and I had just got engaged.

I was 45 kg and about a size 4/6 but a friend of ours (who had always been really normal up to this point) asked in a dead pan way if we were getting married because I was pregnant. I thought it was a rather personal and impertinent question and thought well I'll fight fire with fire, so put him right on the spot and asked why he would think that. He said "because you look pregnant."

Like you, I knew I didn't, but couldn't fathom why he said it. I thought of it every so often for several years until, quite coincidentally, a mutual friend mentioned he had been incredibly keen to get married and took it hard when we got engaged. It was clearly just an attempt to insult out of jealousy - which didn't work because I was more just perplexed he had been so weird. I bet it turns out to be something like that. Try to ignore it - though I know it is hard.

Body dysmorphic disorder is very frightening to live with. It gets minimized low self esteem or just being image conscious.

When you have it, it feels more like schizophrenia. You are hallucinating. You look in the mirror and quite literally see things that aren't there. And the hallucination you see is a distorted version of yourself. I think most people don't understand it's a LITERAL hallucination, not just "I see myself as fat/crooked nose" or whatever. It is very, very frightening.

OP, I'm very glad you caught it early. I would strongly recommend counselling sessions with a counsellor who specialises in BDD.

What @notallwombats said.

I don't want to say all men have been trained to put each other down, and all women have now been trained to say, at least in public, that fat-shaming is bad, but it's true for some.
Our bodies change. If you're healthy and feel good, ignore it.

Oh my goodness. When I saw you were going to post pictures, I genuinely expected that perhaps you might be slightly overweight but people were going to be polite and say you looked lovely. No need to be polite to lessen the damage. You are absolutely trim, lean, in shape, slim. In fact, I can only think he said this thinking you’d know this was a joke and you couldn’t possibly be viewed as fat.

I’ve had disordered eating myself (ex told me I always had my arse hanging out of the fridge and all of his exes were slimmer - when I was a size 10-12) and I now go to the gym five times a week as a result so please trust me when I say I understand the horrible feeling you’re having as well as understanding what a body in good nick looks like!

God, he’s a dick! You are NOT FAT.

No I am not. I'm exploring different scenarios, I edited to add I'd reread and decided my reasoning wasn't feasible.

This happened to me at 14. I’ve never been the same since and never really loved my body in adult hood. Please don’t listen. We can all look at ourselves and criticise our bodies until the cows come home. No one is truly perfect. For every negative you find, find a positive.

You know what I’d do, especially now I’m middle aged and less concerned about hurting people who have hurt me. I’d tell that so-called friend exactly how bad he has made you feel. Turn it back around on him. Take back your power.

And every time you find yourself having these wrong thoughts about yourself, distract yourself by thinking about something nice.

This happened to my daughter too, a friend called her fat, but it's much more complex than that. Most people can be called fat and just shrug it off or be hurt but not develop an ED. For people who have EDs they can't but it's a very complicated issue and something else would have likely triggered her anorexia at some point, stress, another trauma, exams ect. Brothers and sisters routinely say nasty things to each other. It's a shit situation for your friend and for her brother thinking he's caused her illness. Very sad indeed.

I thought negging too.

He’s negging you - trying to get you to think you’re less amazing than you are, so you’ll be grateful for any crumbs of attention he gives you. My guess is that he probably wants to date you but thinks you’re out of his league. By lowering your self esteem he’s trying to get you to think he’s ’good enough’ and that you can’t get better.

I knew someone at school who was thin but her brother called her a fat cow, ONCE, when pushing past her in a doorway and it absolutely wrecked her.

From that one comment she developed anorexia and ended up being hospitalised for a long period.

If I were you, I would be telling that 'friend' what a ginormous cunt he is and blocking him and then maybe have a think about getting some therapy to help you get on top of this disordered thinking.

When I was in my 20s and 45kg, trying on a swimming costume, I started to feel hysterical. I felt so massively overweight and had a panic attack. I remember how disgusted my friend was with me and felt so much shame. I honestly felt so ugly and like my body was out of control. Turns out I had CPTSD but didn't know it. Now I am in my 50s and over 70kg and feel much better about my body because I have strategies for dealing with the CPTSD. Anyway, that may not help you but I relate. The feeling you had when he said it could be that it triggered your core wound / trauma.

This is good advice.

I had a fella first time out after having a baby. Hey riniel not seen you for ages! Oh yeah I had a baby! Oh yeah I can tell.
fuckin arsehole
men can be the meanest pieces of dirt. I still hear that in my head. Try not to give it any headspace
c@nts

I don't know if he's a knob and was trying to insult you, or whether it was a jokey sarcastic 'haha, you're sooo huge' because it's obvious that you are nothing of the sort. You know him, so you know which it is. But regardless, your reaction is definitely worrying and it does sound like you really need to have a chat with your GP about getting some therapy. You're actually remarkable to have consciously noticed your reaction and questioned it, and to have asked for help. You'll be fine, your brain just needs a little talking to!

Or this. If you can’t decide you’re not fat maybe decide being fat isn’t bad.

Sounds like his comment may have triggered some kind of body dysmorphia in you OP. Have you ever struggled with your body image in the past?

I would cut your friend loose, he sounds fucking horrible.

Maybe try some CBT where you say/write down lots of nice things about your body. That should help "re-wire" your brain and get you out of this negative headspace you're in.