Friend called me fat - can’t stop thinking about it

Sounds like you're describing body dysmorphia ?

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/

CBT is the suggestion...

(You're certainly not fat, at all, it sounds like a thought that's got stuck in your head that you can't get rid of)

Your friend is a controlling dick - I'd start my healing by getting rid of that toxic piece of shit.

You’re very slim.
He is negging you.
He's a twat.
You need to work on your self esteem. You will come across a minority of people like this time and again during your lifetime and it’s going to be necessary to put them in their sad little place.

Id say ‘well I heard you have a micro penis but here we are’. You have a lovely figure.. tell him to go fuck himself. Arrogant prick.

Mum of an anorexic teen, please, like others are suggesting to the op, get help. You didn’t have anorexia. You have anorexia and albeit you perhaps may have stopped restricting, from what you’re saying, it doesn’t sound as if you ever fully recovered. And at size 6/8, I am thinking you may have continued to control your food intake, which is still a form of restriction. If this is the case, that’s not full recovery, that’s being a functioning anorexic.

I struggled with a (thankfully mild) eating disorder when younger and definitely recognise the body dysmorphia you are describing.

A few things which I think helped me. One, like yourself, on some level I was thankfully aware of reality on some level so I didn't tip into a full blown issue. Two, pregnancy made me really really focus on nourishment - I was eating for someone else, my range of healthy foods expanded and I began to really concentrate on superb fresh meal prep. I also went on a cookery course just before that, so I'm sure that had an impact. Three, and actually the one perhaps most transformative, injury and recovery from injury, made me realise that what I should be aiming for was strength ie that 'strength' is the holy grail, not 'slim'. And in fact that aiming for 'slim' can be the enemy of 'strength', which is so incredibly important.

My children are now grown, but I am so pleased for my DD that her arm muscles, her butt and leg muscles... body-wise, that's what she focuses on and is proud of (not obsessively, but in a lovely positive way) and what her amazing body is then capable of - she can do things with ease that I am only learning to do now in later life like proper pressups.

We were buying pants (just turned 18, she was with me on a supermarket run and I thought I would capitalise on the fact she was with me) and she asked me the size I normally bought her and then asked for a size up as she said she had a 'fat ass'. I immediately went into 'No you don't!' a bit horrified, thinking body negativity creeping in, and she laughed to say that for her generation a fat ass is a good thing. It is something she is specifically trying to develop in the gym. She was happy and positive and actually really pleased with herself, which so, so pleased me.

So my recommendation is you think of all the things your amazing body can do and focus on strengthen it and developing it. Build a body that is going to see you through a lifetime.

It is a mind shift, but an incredibly important one and your future self will thank you.

I wonder if you usually value his opinion, so now your brain is scanning your body to see if his claims check out?

If that’s the case your brain is searching for what it thinks might be potential signs of being ‘fat’ or ‘chunky’ but the best it can come up with is grasping at straws area that are supposed to be covered in a layer of fat.

I think acknowledging to your brain that you have checked out his claims thoroughly and found them to be untrue might help. And also place him in the ‘his opinion/claims cannot be trusted’ camp.

Im sure once you have updated your brain with the new facts about this man, that you will return to the way you were seeing your body.

Have you heard of body neutrality? It’s about seeing your size and body as irrelevant and uninteresting, rather than positivity and trying to love your body.

The other advice I’d say is look into Acceptance and Commitment therapy or counselling, it’s helped me loads for issues where I feel like my brain is stuck on a thought. One element of that is to choose a stock phrase you use whenever your brain points out something you don’t like, to diffuse the thought. Find something that allows you to move on and go back to what you were doing. Maybe “nobody cares’, ‘thanks brain’. Then move your attention back to what you do want to focus on, on this case perhaps the colours of the dress.

basically your brain has learnt now that these thoughts feel scary and so it’s showing you them lots to try and help protect you. However you don’t need them and giving the attention will cause them to appear more.

You WILL move on from this, you are clear minded in seeing your body more objectively, so just help yourself get past these sticky thoughts and I know you’ll feel better and this will be a weird phase you can look back on 💐

You need to rewire your brain. You look in the mirror and tell yourself what you like about your body. Everyday no matter how you're dressed. You look at yourself and you compliment yourself.
Your brain is looking for faults, you need to make it look for positives.

Good, I’m glad you know you’re not fat. There are a lot of women out there who would give anything to have a figure like yours. Stop stressing over your friends comments. Why are you so bothered about his opinion? Either take it with a pinch of salt or find better friends if it’s going to upset you this much.

If you wouldn't take their advice, don't take their criticism.

You're too busy trying to get into your own head on this when you should be focusing on his fucked-up psychology.

This guy was 100% trying to neg you, as PP have said. It's a misogynistic pickup tactic. He's probably got a crush on you and was looking for something, anything to make you feel bad about yourself, so you will crave his approval. So he commented on the fact you no longer have a child's body like you did in school.

It's normal, and appropriate, to go from having a very skinny child/teenage body in school to a more womanly figure in your twenties. It's not a bad thing to fill out a little, it means you are an adult, and your figure is absolutely enviable. You are still extremely slim.

Men who think women should look like children are always misogynistic creeps. They don't like women being actual equals to them, they like them being small - physically and mentally - and therefore easy to control.

Tell us a little about this guy and his behaviour - I bet we'll see a pattern emerge.

Well yeah you’re obviously very slim and don’t need strangers to point that out. Your ‘friend’ is no friend. Even if you were fat, a friend wouldn’t feel the need to come out and say something like that.

I wish someone had to me I was fat when I was. I’d have done something about it sooner. I didn’t realise how big I was getting

I had a female friend who used to neg me. We’d be fine and happy and she’d come up with something out of the blue. I’m fat! I look like I’ve had a mini stroke because my skin sags. Lots of things. Horrible things. I ghosted her a couple of years ago and never looked back.
His comments say everything about him and nothing about you. You are lovely.

Cut that guy out of your life

Go and see your GP

Go back and buy that dress!

Yes, ignore him or tell him he's impotent, and move on with your day.

It sounds like something a teenage boy would say to a girl he has a crush on but doesn't want her to know.

Have you tried standing in front of a mirror and looking at yourself through your phone camera screen? What happens when you take a photo and look at it while you are still standing in front of the mirror. if you turn away from the mirror and look at the photo?

If you see yourself as you are in the photo in all the above scenarios, then what amount of time needs to elapse (and/or other factors) before photo-you looks overweight? Or does it never happen with that photo - perhaps because you 'proofed it' first by taking it in front of the mirror?

Obviously you don't have to worry about your weight because you have objective evidence that you don't have a problem (the number on the scales) - but the dissonance is fascinating - feel free to approach it as a really interesting experiment if you think you'd benefit from a reframe :-)

Is your friend gay, or does he like very waiflike women?

It is 100% obvious you are in great shape to the rest of us.

However, according to the NHS 'Dismorphia (BDD) is a mental health condition characterized by an intense, obsessive preoccupation with perceived flaws in one’s physical appearance that are unnoticeable or minor to others. It causes significant distress and compulsive behaviors, such as mirror checking or avoidance, which hinder daily life.'

Please go speak to your GP. It maybe you need some counselling support to reset the damage the comment caused.

I'm so sorry your alleged mate is an AH.

Try listing 5 Things you like about your body before you go to sleep every night for a couple of weeks. Hopefully that will help reset your mindset. If 5 is too difficult right now, try just 2 and build up from there.

Ditch the 'friend'.

This is him perhaps triggering what he already knows is your weak spot,for whatever reason, it's got absolutely nothing to do with fat and everything to do with eating disorder and body issues and whatever that twat was trying to stir up in you.
Being back in the grip of an eating disorder myself,triggered by a throwaway comment at my age in my fifties again and made easier by GLP 1s don't go down that route,

Have you really always been fine with your body/self-esteem? It seems a bit unusual that your friend’s stupid comment would provoke such a strong reaction. It would suggest that there has been an underlying issue with how you perceive yourself. I mean that kindly, and he was a dick obviously.

Me, too! Like a PP, I am actually fat now and don't care - but I never got the full benefit of being slim, young and pretty while I was. @Confusedmind96, I'm so pleased you've realised early on! Ignore the idiots saying 'pull yourself together'. This is a mental health condition and you're in the right personal space to get help to deal with it. Please do!

Oh, and buy the dress.

I understand your post! I have body dysmorphia. I had anorexia and I’d say I’m recovered, yet I’m very unsure of how my body looks. I’m very sensitive to any talk about my body. For example a child told me I’m fat recently and I’m now convinced I’m fat and I’m back to being obsessed with my food intake and my weight. Meanwhile I’m a size 6-8 so I logically know I can’t be fat but when I look in the mirror I only see an average overweight person. I can’t help it and it’s ingrained in me. Al sad p the fact that children speak the truth makes me extra think it must be true.