Friend called me fat - can’t stop thinking about it

I'm so sorry, your friend is a complete arse, you really are tiny.

But his comment has activated a body dysmorphia in you that I think must have been sitting somewhere quite close to the surface.

You can refer yourself, in my area, to Talking Therapies and I think it might possibly help you to do this even if you don't go ahead with any counselling. The self referral process itself might ask you enough questions online to get this straight in your head.

To repeat, you are really slim, and lovely, (and those two things are separate) and your friend at the moment is no friend.

It’s so far from the truth I can only imagine he is really shit at negging. That is supposed to be a mild flirty insult or backhanded compliment - this was just a crass insult with no basis in reality. Maybe he’s quite insecure and a bit thick.

Quickly find a therapist to help you process what's going on. Don't let this sit in your head forever more.
Probably a couple of sessions will do it...
Good luck 😊

OP you look lovely and certainly not fat...

Your friend is not a friend. Just a bitter person trying to knock down your self esteem. Dump them...

From your description of yourself I was starting to think there's something in what he was saying (even though he was very wrong to say it). Then looking at your photos, I see a totally different image - one I guess a lot of women would crave for.

Please do not let his comments get to you, he is totally wrong. We've all got a roll of skin somewhere we'd rather not, a bit or cellulite or in my case a rounded tummy.

If you like that dress, go back and get it - you look great in it.

He's negging you. What a cunt.

I’m not going to read this whole thread, but looking at the pictures are you sure your friend wasn’t being sarcastic? You’re slim, but not unhealthily slim. Definitely not round, let alone fat.

Young men can be insensitive with words. If he’s a good friend and you value the relationship maybe you can clear the air with him? He really should apologise, but he may not realise he hurt you. It might seem ridiculous to him and your other friends that calling you fat in jest would hurt you, because you are 100% not fat.

If he was being serious or if he doesn’t apologise, then he’s a total bell end and the friendship ends right there.

btw it’s normal for a comment like that to hurt, especially if you take any amount of pride in your appearance. It’s like someone who is always honest and truthful being called a thief or a liar. The words are untrue, but it stings. But try not to alter yourself based on things that are untrue.

Thoughts (both yours, and just as importantly , his too) aren’t facts.

objectively, you know you really aren’t fat, so the thing that needs a workout here is the thought processes that have so willingly let you accept what this idiot had to say. This might mean speaking to someone, but a good start would be to think of a few mantras you can repeat to yourself when his words come back into your head.

Who knows why he said it, but it’s a him problem - he isn’t a friend that’s for sure. But if he thinks it was funny or had an impact once, he might roll it out again, so prepare yourself for that. You don’t have to stoop to his level, or be armed with a witty comeback, just be ready for the fact that he makes himself feel good by making others feel insecure

I was going to mention body dysmorphia but I see someone else has beaten me to it and you have recognised this as being, potentially, the issue.

I think you will need some kind of professional support to navigate this as I have personally known people to end up ill as a result. It's really positive you can admit this. A lot of people won't understand and see it as fishing for compliments but try not to take that to heart. As for the divvy that called you fat, jokingly or not, depending on the type of friendship you have I'd either give him a wide berth or be honest about how his comment has affected you. Either way, I think he needs to know the latter as he could say it to someone else who develops an eating disorder as a result.

Wishing you well.

I bet it is the complete unexpectedness and unreasonableness of the comments that was made without regard for you as a person or objective truth. It's exactly the tactic that abusive men use to train women to submit to them. You are going along happily and they attack you for something that was never a problem before and objectively shouldn't be a problem now. Your brain goes "Whoa! Does not compute!" And in shock that moment is captured and frozen by your brain, to be triggered and re experienced. The best way to get past it is to really process that moment, to write down everything that happened, not just the facts but what you thought and felt as you went through it and conclusions you draw from it. Or talk it through lots of times. We are humans, we can feel lots of things at once in a millisecond.

There is also the chance that he tapped into an earlier similar experience.

I am extremely fat and I particularly detest men like this using fat as the worst thing women can be. I am so sorry he has done this to you. If you can't shift it on your own message me and I will put you in touch with someone who can professionally resolve this.

Actually it’s not just women. It’s men too. Increasingly so. It’s all the imagery of ‘perfection’ and being judged and valued for superficial things. And I think living in a world where we feel a loss of control so it’s turned in onto ourselves.

Why worry about what others think with your appearance? Be how you want to be. 🤷‍♀️

Have you thought about becoming a counsellor?!

Should say WHEN I was a child

You look amazing. A lot of people would kill for that figure!!

You know you need to go back for that dress, right, OP? It really suits you.

he is no mate. Banter is bullying.

You have always been very slim and athletic and your body has changed from an adolescent into an adult woman. Your body has changed shape, everyone’s does. You are not fat. You know that, but of course a comment like this will affect you. Something very similar happened to me in my late teens and I’m sorry to say I have battled an eating disorder ever since. Don’t let this idiotic comment take you down a dangerous road.

The good thing is that you have recognised this early and you are addressing it.

You look great in the dress and not overweight at all. What a horrible guy. I just don’t understand some people but he probably has self esteem issues himself or wants to bring you down a peg or two. It’s all on him.

Thank you for this ❤️
I’ve spent my whole life believing negative things people told me I was as a child. What a waste!

The weird thing about life (as someone in late 50s) is that it’s only when we’re older that we realise how slim and beautiful we were when young. When we’re young, we can’t see it so much. We find fault with our bodies or compare them to others - even worse these days due to manipulated images online and even AI.

Plus, our bodies constantly change. Someone in their 20s is different to a very young woman in her late teens. And so on. So clothes that suited us at one age may not feel so good as our bodies change. Most people do have cellulite somewhere.

You look beautiful. You’re very slim. Enjoy every minute.

The other thing you realise as you age is what utter a-holes men can be. With their nasty ‘banter’ and thoughtlessness. When you’re a young woman, the throwaway comments of men can really hit home.

So I’m passing you some wisdom of age:

Know your worth. Which is your character, intellect and wit. Find the beauty in yourself, which is unique to you and no one else has. Love and care for your body through healthy habits. And ignore what men (or other women) tell you about how you look. Fashions come and go. Everyone wanted to be a waif, like Twiggy or Kate Moss, then Beyoncé arrived and everyone wanted a body like hers. You do you.

@Confusedmind96I’d speak to him, tell him how he made you feel depending on his response decide what to do, he was a complete dick, you know you’re not overweight be your own cheerleader!

Hypnotherapy or NLP can help with this kind of thing. Counselling might. But honestly it sounds like you’ve been triggered by something he said - we can’t see our whole selves apart from a view in the mirror and it’s only other people who can.. but even if you were fat (you’re not) would that make you awful? I have overweight friends and I wouldn’t love them more if they lost weight.. so some counselling to work out your issues and/or hypno can probably help. But well done for seeking out some support - I don’t think you’re fishing for compliments but I think you’re trying too hard to stop thinking about pink elephants (meaning you’re getting more and more stressed telling yourself you shouldn’t think a certain way). Find some ways to relax and it may go away naturally.. or ease off until you can get some support.

Get new friends— they all sound vile

I had this recently and I’m 5”8 and 9lb3!

Turned around and said well I’ve had 2 kids, what’s your excuse? Felt like adding at least I can lose a few lbs, shame you can’t grow a few inches to your knob.

Normally when told I’ve put on weight by someone bigger than me I usually breezily reply so have you!

People are so rude.